Post by Proud Angel Mommy on Jul 30, 2009 19:40:16 GMT -5
So since June I have just had this odd feeling over me. Its like I am here and I am living life but then again I'm not. I am thinking about Jayden 24/7. My health is being affected. My personal life has came to be nothing. I miss my baby!!!! This year he would be 5!!!!! I SHOULD have a 5 year old!!!! He would be going to school and playing with all his family, but in the 5 years I have learned it always seems that from June until October I just feel not here. I have so much going on in my life right now that it is not funny. My dad lost his income today so I am the ONLY support for them, to pay ALL the bills, but I am not mad, I am not sad I just want to cry for my baby. My ex is still causing me problems I could be so upset with him and I could be so violent and the thoughts come to my head all the time! Then I just think of Jayden! Is this normal? Is it only me? How do I force my self to face life now and not that dreadful day in 2004? How do I keep Jaydens Memory alive and have his "Birthday" when I feel like this? Will it ever get better? Should I act on some of the thoughts I have just to make life seem real? 
