Post by misskris777 on Mar 14, 2009 21:28:38 GMT -5
It will be one year in April since I miscarried our precious little boy, Carter Andrew. It was an incredibly hard year and I'm not sure I've been able to process everything because of all the crazy stuff going on.
In March 08, my father was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor, it was removed without complication. I was 5 weeks pregnant with Carter at the time. Then I miscarried in April of '08. While in th throws of that immense grief, in July of '08, we found out that our one year old at the time, had a very rare heart disease and was on the verge of death. The only thing that would save him would be a heart transplant. Without a second thought, he was lifeflighted to the transplant center.
He was placed on the transplant list in July, and received his transplant the end of September. We had to live there from July to January, it was five hours away from our home and our family.
Now we're back home and my son who is now two, is doing amazingly well. I feel like I've missed a whole year and with having to focus my undivided attention on my son and his medical needs, I've stopped the grieving process.
Now that he's doing so well, It's like I'm picking up right where I left off. I find myself crying for no reason. I can't go into the baby stores without thinking about Carter. I just feel this intense sadness and loss all over again.
Is this normal??? I feel guilty for being sad about the baby we lost when I have such an amazing blessing in that my two year old is alive and well.
I've been feeling guilty about the heart donors family as well. I just can't imagine what they're going through. They saved my sons life. I feel like I have no right to grieve since my son is alive and they are having to continue to mourn their precious baby.
So confused and Alone
Calebs care had kept me busy for so long and now that he's finally getting back to a semi normal life, I've had more time on my hands and my mind keeps wandering to Carter.
In March 08, my father was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor, it was removed without complication. I was 5 weeks pregnant with Carter at the time. Then I miscarried in April of '08. While in th throws of that immense grief, in July of '08, we found out that our one year old at the time, had a very rare heart disease and was on the verge of death. The only thing that would save him would be a heart transplant. Without a second thought, he was lifeflighted to the transplant center.
He was placed on the transplant list in July, and received his transplant the end of September. We had to live there from July to January, it was five hours away from our home and our family.
Now we're back home and my son who is now two, is doing amazingly well. I feel like I've missed a whole year and with having to focus my undivided attention on my son and his medical needs, I've stopped the grieving process.
Now that he's doing so well, It's like I'm picking up right where I left off. I find myself crying for no reason. I can't go into the baby stores without thinking about Carter. I just feel this intense sadness and loss all over again.
Is this normal??? I feel guilty for being sad about the baby we lost when I have such an amazing blessing in that my two year old is alive and well.
I've been feeling guilty about the heart donors family as well. I just can't imagine what they're going through. They saved my sons life. I feel like I have no right to grieve since my son is alive and they are having to continue to mourn their precious baby.
So confused and Alone
Calebs care had kept me busy for so long and now that he's finally getting back to a semi normal life, I've had more time on my hands and my mind keeps wandering to Carter.
