|
Post by mom2avigail on Feb 24, 2009 21:31:52 GMT -5
I feel empty. I feel like all my energy was taken along with my little girl. I dont know how to function anymore. I hate my life and hate everything that I have to do. I jsut want to see my little girl again. Lindsay www.rememberingavi.blogspot.com
|
|
rdj
New Member
Posts: 4
|
Post by rdj on Feb 25, 2009 0:51:06 GMT -5
Lindsay,
I am only a few weeks ahead of you on this road. I lost my daughter December 15th. I distinctly remember, though, that about 4 weeks out I hit a really rough time. I thought at the time, Why didn't anyone tell me things would get this bad? But, if you think about it, the last thing you needed right after your loss was someone to tell you, hey, you know how bad you feel now? well, it's going to get worse. Emotional shock has a purpose. To make it possible to survive the time immediately after a terrible loss. Bad thing is then you start to feel again, and the realization hits hard. That cold sinking in the pit of your stomach will go away, though. Not all at once, but slowly it will. The sharp, icy pains will become duller. And time does help you deal with things better. I know exactly where you are right now. I know you don't even want to breathe. But you will. When you need to, just focus on taking one breath at a time. Then one minute at a time, one hour, one day. Don't expect too much of yourself. And you will see your little girl again. Know that she is happy and time is meaningless to her now. We have the hard part, waiting. They will be there, though. And we need to focus on being grateful for the gift of the time we had with them. I saw a quote attributed to Dr. Seuss, and it always makes me choke up, but I try to live by "Don't cry because it's over.....smile because it happened."
((((HUGS))))
Ramy
|
|
|
Post by ourprincesschloe on Feb 25, 2009 11:25:16 GMT -5
(((((((Lindsay))))))
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you have to be here. I'm sorry for what you've been through. Five weeks is such a short time. It's such a short time to comprehend what has happened, to allow it to sink in, to miss what is missing. No. I'm absolutely sure that you don't want to hear that it might get worse. It might. I truly believe there is a protective mechanism that kicks in that holds out some of the reality, and therefore some of the pain that first few weeks. Because, honestly, if the pain of losing a child was allowed to hit full force. . . I think that we'd explode. . . I know that for the first few weeks as it was I felt like someone was ripping my organs out of my body. . . the physical pain was almost unbarable at times. . .
At one point, I remember hearing time and time again that the second year was worse than the first, and I thought: "How could that be possible?" And, then, the second year started and I understood that all the first "without her" events had happened, most everyone who supported me was gone, and I was left with the empty reality of what is. . . was the second year worse? Not really. Just different.
I'm sorry. I'm rambling. . . my point is that you have a long journey ahead of you. . . take these weeks and lay in bed if you can. . . let the grief soak in. . . let the tears flow. . . be easy on yourself. . . you have lost a most precious being. . . let grief be what it needs to be for you. . . of course it's zapping your energy. . . of course you feel sick and tired. . . you've had a part of you ripped from your life. . . unfairly. . . unjustly. . . you will feel sad. . . angry. . . resentful. . . hateful. . . disgusted. . . so many, many feelings. . . you will feel them. . . let yourself. . .it's ok to feel them. . . we all have. . . it's normal. . . and keep coming here. . .
((((Ramy)))) I'm sorry for your loss as well. I love that saying. I have never heard it before.
Chris
|
|
|
Post by missingisaiah on Feb 25, 2009 12:45:31 GMT -5
((((((HUGS)))))) Oh, boy, do I remember those days (weeks, months)! I'm 28 long months into this rotten journey and my energy is slowly returning, bit by bit. As for not knowing how to function, I think part of what we must learn on this terrible journey is who we are now that we've lost a child (or children). We have forever changed and it takes time to figure out who we are now and how to function again. I am still trying to figure that out. Some days I don't know how I function, how I get out of bed and keep going. Some days I know I function simply by trying to take only one second at a time or by calling a friend or by coming here. Be gentle with yourself. Don't expect too much from yourself right now. Everything is so raw, so fresh, so awful right now. But, you will survive and one day you will have a good moment, than a good hour, and eventually a good day and still later, a good week.
|
|
|
Post by smileyriley on Feb 25, 2009 14:22:02 GMT -5
((((((((((((((((((((Lindsay))))))))))))))))))))))) I went to Avi's blog & read what you wrote. I am so sorry for your loss, your heartache, your pain. Your daughter is so beautiful!!!!!
Thinking of you, Christina
|
|
|
Post by stephaniesmommy on Feb 25, 2009 15:39:21 GMT -5
((( Lindsey))), I am so sorry. I wish this horrid thing hadn't happened to you or to any of us. Just keep going and keep reaching out- I KNOW it is so hard. Cindy
|
|