Post by stephaniesmommy on Feb 21, 2009 6:06:16 GMT -5
Hello to all,
As some of you may know, i recently officially joined this board . I have been a lurker since early October/later September 2008. I felt compelled to join so I could repspond to Avigails mom who so recently lost her precious daughter and I could so identify in the wracking , gut wrenching emotions , lack of sleep and torture she is going through and i just wanted to let her know i feel so much for her.
My life was basically fine until September 18th 2008. Hurricaine Ike had just come through our part of Texas the weekend prior to this date i've mentioned. This day , September 18th 2008 is the day that my life radically changed . I HAVE four children- 1 son who is 20, a daughter who is 19, a daughter how is 16 and my youngest daughter -my angel - who is 10 forever because of the events of the day.
She didn't have a bike that was functioning before that day. But, she had shared with me that she wanted to try to " get into shape" and my husband aired up the tires on her bike after school. He also aired up the tires on a bigger bike that was mine. It ended up her bike was bent- so, he lowered the seat on the other bike and made sure she was able to ride it. He said she did just fine and allowed her to ride around the block twice. I was leaving for work as she was coming up the street. I asked her how the bike was- she said- " it's actually perfect" those were the last words she would ever say to me. I told her she could have the bike and watched as she went into the driveway where my husband waited for her.
He said she was in the house when he left for work. We usually worked opposite shifts- he a police dispatcher- me a nurse- but i was working for someone else. My 19 year old daughter was home with her. He said he told her to stay in and not to go out anymore that night and that we'd need to get her a helmet. He left he said at 615 pm. Per the accident report it seems as though she immediately got onto the bike as the time of the accident was a litte more than 5 mintues after that. I think she got confused about which block her had let her go around and the way she went took her directly in the path of a very busy 55 mph road. A witness said she wasn't even looking- her eyes were on the ground- she wasn't peddling but going forward with her feet- probably feeling the wind in her hair and dreaming of 10 pokemon on the back of the bike. I don't think she ever knew what happened.
There was immediate help and they intubated her and brought her to the hospital i work at in the next town over. I was , of course oblivious. It wasn't until my husband got to work and they were working the accident that they put it all together and called home only to find out she wasn't there. They called me to go to the ER. Horrifying memories.
It was her, my baby, laying so still in that bed. She had been intubated, but was still. They said her brain was swollen and did we want her sent to childrens hosptial in dallas. We said yes, we did. I knew it was bad- we prayed for a miracle over her. i knew this is what it was going to take. A miracle.
We prayed and cried . The dallas doctors said it looked like brain death, but we needed to be sure. I'll spare myself the details here, but her heart gave out after 3pm on the 19th and that was it, she was gone. She was gone- poof. It seemed so surreal. I kept thinking - this doesn't happen to me , my family-this happens to other people. We donated the organs that we could , so that we could have the chance of having her live on in others and then also- to help someone else.
Then came the horrifying experience of planning a funeral- i am sure you all know exactly what i am talking about here. I just kept thinking- this didn't really happen. We were numb- my family all came here from Nebraska and Kansas and Oregon. It didn't seem real- any of it. She was 10- we had just moved back in with her dad two months prior- she was 10- I just kept going through every detail in my mind- blow by blow and kept saying- it is so unlikely this really happened. But it had.
Stephanie was my youngest. She was a good kid. She was sort of a square peg at times- my only child with current husband. The next child was 6. She had a hard time getting along with other kids at times. They would tease her- but that all started changing when she was about 8 1/2. SHe met a girl in our apartment complex- another girl who was similar in looks to Stephanie and the same type of unique personality. Stephanie had finally found acceptance and these two girls fast became best friends. They spent the night at each others houses. They watched movies together, laughed, played games , went swimming- they were best friends. Stephanie's dad and i were so thankful. Stephanie began to blossum. She gained confidence. She certainly had a unique perspective. I remember being upset one day and Stephanie saying to ME- Mommy I know you're upset , but i am not sure why. She said to me " Sure i've had some bad things happen to me in my life- but i've had THOUSANDS of good things happen to me " She then went on to say how happy she was to be a part of the family she was , live in the town she did and have her best friend. Stephanie was very grateful. Also, this year she had gotton her best friends teachers from last year , so the other girl gave her all the information on them- she had gotton a WII for her birthday , her dad and i were back in the same house and she kept telling me over and over " I've got such a good set up this year" and then she go through that List.
I have a tremendous faith in God and I am so looking forward to seeing Stephanie again in heaven some day. For right now- i am here - my living children need me and i have a 22 month old granddaughter that i help to take care of and she definately needs me.
None of this takes away that i desparately miss Stephanie. It was such a shock and sometimes i still don't believe it. Ihaven't gone to counseling. I am not oppposed to it however. I just can't think of what someone could say that would make any of this ok. I feel robbed sometimes, in disbelief and numb alot of the times. Yet- i know my other children and grandchild need me and i keep going. I am heartbroken about all the plans i had for her. I knew the other kids would be gone and she would be the last one here and we would do so much then. None of it will happen.
Stephanie loved animals- especially cats and she had just gotton her cat " julie" from her best friend in May and we also had gotton two kittens in June. Her favorite color was pink and her room was painted pink. She loved the pokemon, all the nickelodian shows, hannah montana. She was a thriving Pre-tween. She was looking forward to getting her period( i have no idea why). She had an infectious laugh. She loved hot and sour soup, shrimp, chicken tenders , noodles. She loved to read, she loved the boardwalk shopping center in shreveport LA. She was friendly- often giving hugs to all who looked like they needed one. She was very much alive one day- working on going to school- and then just gone- snipped out of our life here on earth. We really are just limping along.
I know this was lengthy- making up on lost time. I miss her . I know you all understand. My heart just aches for her and for all of us. I do have a myspace page for her. I go there every day and write to her. I let her know what is going on here. I ask her to come to my dreams. I want to see her. I have been reading the messages here and it has been a source of support even though i hadn't said anything officially.
Thank you for listening.
Cindy
As some of you may know, i recently officially joined this board . I have been a lurker since early October/later September 2008. I felt compelled to join so I could repspond to Avigails mom who so recently lost her precious daughter and I could so identify in the wracking , gut wrenching emotions , lack of sleep and torture she is going through and i just wanted to let her know i feel so much for her.
My life was basically fine until September 18th 2008. Hurricaine Ike had just come through our part of Texas the weekend prior to this date i've mentioned. This day , September 18th 2008 is the day that my life radically changed . I HAVE four children- 1 son who is 20, a daughter who is 19, a daughter how is 16 and my youngest daughter -my angel - who is 10 forever because of the events of the day.
She didn't have a bike that was functioning before that day. But, she had shared with me that she wanted to try to " get into shape" and my husband aired up the tires on her bike after school. He also aired up the tires on a bigger bike that was mine. It ended up her bike was bent- so, he lowered the seat on the other bike and made sure she was able to ride it. He said she did just fine and allowed her to ride around the block twice. I was leaving for work as she was coming up the street. I asked her how the bike was- she said- " it's actually perfect" those were the last words she would ever say to me. I told her she could have the bike and watched as she went into the driveway where my husband waited for her.
He said she was in the house when he left for work. We usually worked opposite shifts- he a police dispatcher- me a nurse- but i was working for someone else. My 19 year old daughter was home with her. He said he told her to stay in and not to go out anymore that night and that we'd need to get her a helmet. He left he said at 615 pm. Per the accident report it seems as though she immediately got onto the bike as the time of the accident was a litte more than 5 mintues after that. I think she got confused about which block her had let her go around and the way she went took her directly in the path of a very busy 55 mph road. A witness said she wasn't even looking- her eyes were on the ground- she wasn't peddling but going forward with her feet- probably feeling the wind in her hair and dreaming of 10 pokemon on the back of the bike. I don't think she ever knew what happened.
There was immediate help and they intubated her and brought her to the hospital i work at in the next town over. I was , of course oblivious. It wasn't until my husband got to work and they were working the accident that they put it all together and called home only to find out she wasn't there. They called me to go to the ER. Horrifying memories.
It was her, my baby, laying so still in that bed. She had been intubated, but was still. They said her brain was swollen and did we want her sent to childrens hosptial in dallas. We said yes, we did. I knew it was bad- we prayed for a miracle over her. i knew this is what it was going to take. A miracle.
We prayed and cried . The dallas doctors said it looked like brain death, but we needed to be sure. I'll spare myself the details here, but her heart gave out after 3pm on the 19th and that was it, she was gone. She was gone- poof. It seemed so surreal. I kept thinking - this doesn't happen to me , my family-this happens to other people. We donated the organs that we could , so that we could have the chance of having her live on in others and then also- to help someone else.
Then came the horrifying experience of planning a funeral- i am sure you all know exactly what i am talking about here. I just kept thinking- this didn't really happen. We were numb- my family all came here from Nebraska and Kansas and Oregon. It didn't seem real- any of it. She was 10- we had just moved back in with her dad two months prior- she was 10- I just kept going through every detail in my mind- blow by blow and kept saying- it is so unlikely this really happened. But it had.
Stephanie was my youngest. She was a good kid. She was sort of a square peg at times- my only child with current husband. The next child was 6. She had a hard time getting along with other kids at times. They would tease her- but that all started changing when she was about 8 1/2. SHe met a girl in our apartment complex- another girl who was similar in looks to Stephanie and the same type of unique personality. Stephanie had finally found acceptance and these two girls fast became best friends. They spent the night at each others houses. They watched movies together, laughed, played games , went swimming- they were best friends. Stephanie's dad and i were so thankful. Stephanie began to blossum. She gained confidence. She certainly had a unique perspective. I remember being upset one day and Stephanie saying to ME- Mommy I know you're upset , but i am not sure why. She said to me " Sure i've had some bad things happen to me in my life- but i've had THOUSANDS of good things happen to me " She then went on to say how happy she was to be a part of the family she was , live in the town she did and have her best friend. Stephanie was very grateful. Also, this year she had gotton her best friends teachers from last year , so the other girl gave her all the information on them- she had gotton a WII for her birthday , her dad and i were back in the same house and she kept telling me over and over " I've got such a good set up this year" and then she go through that List.
I have a tremendous faith in God and I am so looking forward to seeing Stephanie again in heaven some day. For right now- i am here - my living children need me and i have a 22 month old granddaughter that i help to take care of and she definately needs me.
None of this takes away that i desparately miss Stephanie. It was such a shock and sometimes i still don't believe it. Ihaven't gone to counseling. I am not oppposed to it however. I just can't think of what someone could say that would make any of this ok. I feel robbed sometimes, in disbelief and numb alot of the times. Yet- i know my other children and grandchild need me and i keep going. I am heartbroken about all the plans i had for her. I knew the other kids would be gone and she would be the last one here and we would do so much then. None of it will happen.
Stephanie loved animals- especially cats and she had just gotton her cat " julie" from her best friend in May and we also had gotton two kittens in June. Her favorite color was pink and her room was painted pink. She loved the pokemon, all the nickelodian shows, hannah montana. She was a thriving Pre-tween. She was looking forward to getting her period( i have no idea why). She had an infectious laugh. She loved hot and sour soup, shrimp, chicken tenders , noodles. She loved to read, she loved the boardwalk shopping center in shreveport LA. She was friendly- often giving hugs to all who looked like they needed one. She was very much alive one day- working on going to school- and then just gone- snipped out of our life here on earth. We really are just limping along.
I know this was lengthy- making up on lost time. I miss her . I know you all understand. My heart just aches for her and for all of us. I do have a myspace page for her. I go there every day and write to her. I let her know what is going on here. I ask her to come to my dreams. I want to see her. I have been reading the messages here and it has been a source of support even though i hadn't said anything officially.
Thank you for listening.
Cindy
