need advice/insight

[karakim]

Ive never posted here before. I dont really know where to begin, and I feel like my emotions are all over the place.

Just yesterday my husband and I had a meeting at my sons school and they told us they believe that he might fall into the "Autisim Spectrum". He is 6 1/2 years old, in first grade. From about the time he was 3 or so we did notice something different about him. He does form emotioanl attachments normally, and he can read others emotions (sad, happy) normally also. We put him in pre-k and that is when the problems started. He went thru some testing then and they said he had a Receptive language disorder. In other words he can hear fine, but he does not process what he hears right and so he gets confused sometimes when people are talking to him. Also he shows some signs of ADD.

He is in a normal classroom and making A's and B's. He does get speech therapy twice a week that has already helped with his receptive language A LOT. He is reading at grade level and doing fine academically.

They told us he would probably be fine if we didnt have anymore testing done, but if we DID test him and he does fall into this category they can just give him additional help. Basicly he would stay in a regular classroom, but along with speech therapy he would get an extra day of therapy to help give him some coping mecanisims and help him learn certian social cues.

He does show some obsessive behaviors, like he is REALLY OBSESSED with the daily schedule. He hyperfocuses on what is coming next ALL THE TIME. And he will ask his teacher EVERYDAY questions like "Are we going to miss/be late for lunch?" "Am I going to miss recess?" Even though he never has before, he will still ask this everyday. He does simillar things at home, like if we are going out and about he wants to know everyplace we are going, what order, and what we are doing there. And even after he KNOWS what/where we are going/doing he will continually ask what is next even after I have told him a million times.

He is also somewhat impulsive when it comes to certian things. Once he gets it stuck in his head that he needs to do something, its really hard to stop him! (like if he thinks he needs to hit his little sister, or kids at school)

The thing that has me confused, and obviously I may not have all my facts straight is that everything I understood about Autisim is there is much more of a social deficit. Like, not uderstading emotions, not forming that "bond" not making eye contact. From birth my Joseph has been such a SWEET and cuddly little guy and he is still that way. He thrives off our hugs and attention. Picks up on the fact when I am mad, sad, happy - -all of that.

For a while, proably until he was about 5 1/2 he did have a hard time understanding jokes though. I mean, there were things he thought were funny, but if other people were laughing he would get mad sometimes, and think everyone was laughing AT him. He was kind of extreme about it too, and would get really upset. But he has gotten so much better about that! He doesnt even get upset anymore, but sometimes he still fails to see the humor in certian jokes but . . .I dont know how to explain it he is tons better about it.

Anyway, I feel like this post is a bit random, and long. I hope I make sense and I hope there is someone out there that can give me a little comfort. I dont want to be one of those moms in denial, but I cant help but feel like they are trying to paint him in a corner.

If you got this far, thanks, and any input would be appreciated.
Kim

[Alaska]

First of all, I want to give you great big hugs. I know how hard it is to face a "label" like this and to question whether or not it even fits. I don't know if I can be of any help at all. I think you are wise to not let your son be painted into a conrner. There is no reason to allow any diagnosis or label limit his abilities. On the other hand, sometimes it is helpful to pave the way for any additional resources that may be available that can help him succeed.
I hear many similarities between what you are describing and my son. My son is not autistic, but he has some characteristics of autistic spectrum disorders. They have this list of traits that fall within this autistic spectrum...and that's just it...it's a spectrum, or even a continuum if you will. Plus many people have idiocincracies that are characteristics associated with some disorder like autism, but they do not fit the whole criteria for a diagnosis of autism. Sounds to me like your son has some characteristics of autistic spectrum disorders but perhaps not enough to truly diagnose him with a disorder.
If there are ways to help him learn to cope with his environment through therapy, etc. I would recommend that you use that. But unless you begin to see that a diagnosis truly fits his symptoms, I would resist any labeling. Continue to educate yourself on the issues being presented to you...but at the end of the day, your are Mom and you know your child better than anyone.
I don't know if I have said a single helpful word, but I wanted to reach out to you anyway.
(((((((many hugs))))))

[karakim]

Thank you so much for your kind words!! And I hope you know that you WERE very helpful! If nothing else its nice to know that I am not alone!

Im starting to feel a lot better about things. My DH and I talked with my son's pediatrician over the phone about everything, probably 45 min! She reccomended that we go ahead with the school testing but in addition to that - take him to a specialist. They will do much of the same testing as the school but it will be good to have a second opinion. We already called the Doctor she referred us to and made an appt. for Dec. 15th.

I do agree that there is SOMETHING going on with my son. And I want to get him the help he needs, whatever that means!! But whatever anyone or any paper does say about him, I know in my heart who he REALLY is, and I always will. I feel ok because I feel like Im doing everything in my power to find him the help he needs, and make sure he is a happy thriving little boy! I just have to hope and pray that I am making the right choices for him!

Thanks so much for your response!!
Kim

[wloublue]

For us, the diagnosis of Aspergers at 4 1/2 w/ our DS just helped expalin some of his behaviors and what we could do to help him. It certainly does not define him. We decided not to share with the school system when he started K at age 6, and by first grade he was tested again by the school system and the diagnosis was confirmed.

He is now in the 5th grade and doing really well. Many of the issues we worried about have improved immensely. Most people don't even know there is anything different about him until they really get to know him. We've learned to worry about what we face today, and not too far ahead in the futures because we just don't know what the future issues will be.

There has been no defining him by his diagnosis, something we really worried about. In fact, the opposite is true. When his teachers complain that he is having problems with, say, organizational skills, I have to remind them that he has IEP goals in that area.

My son does not have all the symptoms of Aspergers. No one does. The saying in the field is, "If you've seen one kid with autism, you've seen ONE KID with Autism". I am an EC PreK teacher too, and there is no such thing as a child who has all they symptoms, and they all are amazing, different, individual kids who happen to have some issues that make certain things difficult for them.