|
Post by Maria! on Oct 16, 2008 22:44:24 GMT -5
in a long time. I really need advice, I am thinking about bringing Kas to the hospital for a FULL eval. She has been SO out of control lately, she just doesn't CARE if I ground her, what I say to her, nothing . She thinks SHE is the boss. She yells, she is just really mean lately. Today I grounded her because she wasn't listening to me and just doing what SHE wanted to do and to make me feel bad she put a scarf around her neck and told me that I don't love her. My neighbor REFUSES to let her over her house anymore because she is a slob and trashes her house when she is over there. My family HAS been through alot of stress but things are alot better NOW then they ever were BUT see I am really cracking down on her. I am not letting her get away with what I have normally put a blind eye to. I am grounding her, MAKING her clean her room. She down right refuses to do chores. I am SO frustrated and DONT know what to do with her. She WON'T do homework, she will just sit there and stare at the paper.
Her psych just changes the meds! I was on the phone and complaining to my best friend and I told my friend I am thinking about bringing her to the hospital for a eval and she came out of her room and said I QUOTE "U will just be wasting your time because I am not a challenge I just ACT like I am but really I am not". She said she likes to act "stupid" but doesn't know WHY!
In ALL honesty She acts JUST LIKE Ang's age. She just turned 11 but mentally/emotionally acts like 5-6 yrs old. What else can I do??
She thinks I hate her because I PUNISH her (like I said i was never consistent before) and TRIES to make me feel bad everyway she can...
|
|
|
Post by wloublue on Oct 17, 2008 4:40:18 GMT -5
Do you mind reminding me how old Kas is now? Is she 11 or is Ang? If I am reading your post right, and Kas is 11, it sounds like the beginning of puberty to me. Between the raging hormones kicking in and the physical changes that could mean her meds don't work the same way any more, I'm sure this is a real challenge. For us, my oldest DD was so freaked out and scared about growing up and all the changes in her body, plus she was aware that she was having a hard time controlling her emotions and that was scary for her too. We did get her into a psychologist who was more about being a counselor than a behaviorist and it helped. She had always been so difficult though that we actually got along better as she had to acknowledge that this was one area that her dummy Mommy knew more about that she did, LOL. Plus, when she was little there really was no external consequence that meant anything to her (punishment or reward) Now, there are things that are important to her, that she is willing to control her behavior for- phone privileges, computer time, shopping money for those "it" clothes that she has to have. She'd been diagnosed when she was 6 or so with NVLD, and ADHD as well, but is doing so much better now. The meds helped her slow down enough to learn some coping skills (which she had to figure out on her own, at 13, because she had to make straight As, or pretty close to it to get a cell phone. All her friends had one before she did.) At 14, she chooses not to take them most days. She is still pretty self-centered and irresponsible, and does not fully realize the impact of her actions on others but other than that is doing pretty well- making good grades and has lots of friends. We don't really have homework battles, and we have pretty much given up her room but she will pick up if she can't go out with her friend until it is done (mind you, even this did not work when she was 10 and 11). We are constantly on her about picking up after herself around the house and pitching in with chores. My son just turned 11 and it is a whole different story. He was diagnosed with Asperger's at 4 and ADHD at 7. We are having to adjust his meds. He is having a hard time focusing in school and at home, plus is suddenly yelling at me and really arguing. He has always had a hard time once he gets upset about something getting past it. Like if he is scared of the storm will remain upset long after it has passed, and will be irrationally afraid that something bad will happen. The difference now is that instead of being scared, he gets really angry and yells and it is hard to get him to calm down. He screams at his little sister if he can't find his shoes (to the point that she is scared of him), or at me if he does not want to do his homework. He's always been really unorganized, and yes slobby, but now he is even more forgetful and spacey. And the battles about homework, holy moley! His Daddy has really had to talk to him about how he will not allow anyone to be disrespectful to his wife, and he (we) will tolerate anyone making the girls in his family feel unsafe. Knock wood, this week has been a little better because he got his homework done one night and jumped all over ourselves praising him and pointing out how much calmer the evening was and even the next morning and how nice that was and that he had extra time to do fun stuff, like play video games or play outside. Is this what Kas is doing? I guess I don't have much advise, other than to try to be patient and understanding. This is scary for her too. It is just like when kids are three or so and realizing that they are separate beings from their Mommy and go through a rebellious stage as they try to establish their independence (lots of "no" and breaking the rules on purpose, even though they know them), plus they get a surge of hormones which makes it hard to control their emotions, which equals tempter tantrums. Fast forward to puberty, similar issues but much bigger kids. Just like at age three, they have to learn how to balance that desire for independence with being a part of the family and those raging hormones making it hard to control their emotions and their bodies. This is difficult with a typical child, and with a child who already HAD issues, look out. Take care of yourself. Hang in there. Find some way to relax and step back so your own frustration isn't adding fuel to the fire. (Walk around the block, take deep breaths, stretch, a glass of wine with dinner- whatever works ) Not much advise, but I'm right there with you.
|
|
|
Post by heidi on Oct 17, 2008 15:01:07 GMT -5
You know what, Maria? Sarah is going to be 11 at the end of the month and (as you know) we've had similar home issues. We've had the exact same things going on here. Don't be afraid to remind her that there are consequences at school for not getting her homework done. She has been through a lot. Try to be patient with her if you can.
|
|