Grief of my other children?

[monicag]

Is anyone experiencing this. My son Zach is 10 and he is very depressed. We have been doing counciling for 6 months and they just recommended a psychiatrist for meds.

In talking with him I discovered that this started close to 2 years ago...and when I put the pieces together, that is when he realized that Jesse would not be "normal." Zach is a very very sensitive little boy and was crushed when Jesse didn't meet milestones. He reminds us alot..."You said he would talk by Christmas (when he turned 2) and it never happened"

I'm just so sad and my heart is breaking more...if that is even possible.

[Corinne]

{{{{{{{{{Monica}}}}}}}}}

I was just skimming through the posts without logging on when I saw this, I had to respond.

I know just what you are feeling. Having a sibling with special needs most definitely effects them. It is so hard for them to understand just what is happening or why their brother isn't doing the things that other kids his age does. They hear conversations and don't quite know how to process it or whether to ask you questions about it. They know you are upset and they are afraid to upset you more.

Amanda and David handled their own grief very differently. Amanda was very inquisitive, always wanting to know exactly what was going on. David was very quiet, almost like if he didn't hear it, he didn't have to deal with it. He kept it all in. Amanda, though, was the one that suffered with the depression and other issues. Tim and Amanda had a very deep bond that even professionals couldn't quite explain being that Tim could never communicate. It sounds like Zach shares that close bond with Jesse. He wants so badly for his brother to be "OK" that it hurts when these milestones don't happen.

I am not sure how to help you other than to share my own trials and errors. I was always very honest with Amanda and David. Even if the truth would hurt, I never wanted them to feel like I lied to them. Unfortunately, when we say "oh, this will happen" because that is what we are striving for, when it doesn't, a young child gets angry and thinks you lied to them about it. So, I encouraged Amanda to work with Tim. She was a tremendous help to me at a very young age. She was changing diapers when other girls were playing with dolls. She learned to set up his G-tube feeding. She held his hand while I suctioned him. She learned to do his PT with him. It was amazing.

Monica, feel free to PM me if you want to vent. I know how frustrating it is.

Love
Corinne

[monicag]

Thanks .... a pm coming your way.