Clara- I have a suggestion

[mommyofonewhosoars]

I would like to see a Neonatal Loss board. There are numerous reasons for this. Neonatal loss isn't a stillbirth, but it's not the same as the loss of a young child either.

There is a whole slew of feelings that don't fit the above.

Our children lived here on earth rather then going to glory from the womb. However, unlike the ladies on the Loss of a child board there are some things severely different.

I never got to change my daughter's diaper, never got to dress her. I never saw my daughter's face whole and unblemished without tubes until she died and by that point she was so swollen and disfigured it's hard to see her true features.

I very very very many moments feel as if I was not her mother. I didn't get to bond with her as traditional mothers do. Even my pregnancy was spent in fear and very very little bonding happened there.

I couldn't touch her when and how I wanted to. A few times even touching her fingers had her desatting almost to the point a crash cart was needed.

Trying to bond in a room filled with beeping noises, nurses and drs rushing back and forth, other babies, and people staring at you to make sure you weren't going to do something wrong takes a tole on the bond and thus on the grieving.

While Calypso was in the NICU she was bed 2 out of 12. 12 other families and friends coming and going. Nurses and drs and machines. There was barely room to move. I had to hunt down chairs half of the time and was even run out of the nicu a few times because there were no chairs.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and consider having a NeoNatal Board put in

[butterflykisses]

I think this would be a great board. I'm on IHAS but I agree, you are somewhere in the middle.

[mommyofonewhosoars]

Thank you Tamara. I just am not REALLY comfortable on either of the boards

[butterflykisses]

I want you to know though that we are here for you

[mommyofonewhosoars]

Thank you sweetheart *hugs*

[cantlaugh]

I understand all the of what you said, about a neonatal loss. My beautiful Karson lived on earth for 11 days....He was so tiny, so perfect, and so precious...How I longed to hold him, how I wanted to feel his breath against my chest while nursing, how I wish I did not still hear (even 4 years later) the sound of the NICU doors locking behind me (reminded me of a jail), how I remember the doctor saying "don't talk over his bed, it is causing him to crash", how I remember the nights of restless sleep fearing the worst would come and being so exhausted I had to shut my eyes. How overwhelmed even as a nurse I felt by the technology of the NICU......

It is by far one of the most difficult times of my life....One of the most emotional times in my life. A time that only a mom who has expereinced this sort of loss can truly identify, but a time when I needed reassurance from everyone.......The support of my friends, family, my church, my community......It was so needed, and I was so blessed.....They to were blessed by holding my hand through my grief journey.....I respectfully disagree with a board stictly for neonatal loss.....I feel it is specific to a certain type of loss, and that in a way seperates those of us who have lost a child as a neonate from the rest of the world.....

We already struggle to have our loss identified as a loss (at times) and to seperate us from the loss of a child, will further seperate our loss....I don't know if that makes sense.......I learned so much from those that lost a young, or adult child.....I learned from them, and they learned from me....That is what SG is about, support, and learning, grieving together...

Love
Donna

[catt]

I agree. it would make some people more comfortable to share their story