OUR OLDEST SON COMMITTED SUICIDE!

[davidsma1973]

IN APRIL OF 2006, OUR SON CHOSE TO END HIS LIFE. HE DIDN'T LEAVE A NOTE, AND ALTHOUGH WE, HIS FAMILY, KNEW HE WAS DEALING WITH SOME HEALTH ISSUES AND FINANCIAL ISSUES, PLUS JUST BROKE UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND, HE SEEMED TO BE HANDLING EVERYTHING OK. WHEN WE HAD NOT HEARD FROM HIM FOR SEVERAL DAYS, MY HUSBAND AND HIS BROTHER WENT OUT TO HIS HOUSE TO CHECK ON HIM. IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT, BUT HE WASN'T ANSWERING HIS HOME PHONE OR HIS CELL PHONE. WHEN HIS DAD AND BROTHER GOT TO HIS HOUSE, HIS CAR WAS IN THE DRIVE WAY, AND MY HUSBAND HAD A KEY, SO THEY WENT IN. THEY CALLED HIS NAME, THE HOUSE WAS A TOTAL
MESS, HE DIDN'T ANSWER. OUR SON, KEVIN, WENT TO THE BASEMENT~THERE HE FOUND DAVID. IT WAS SO AWFUL~HE TRIED TO KEEP HIS DAD FROM COMING DOWN, BUT HE CAME ANYWAY. OUR DAVID HAD TAKEN A SHOT GUN(WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE KNEW HOW TO USE A GUN) HE PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH, AND PULLED THE TRIGGER. THEY WERE BOTH IN SHOCK, THEY CALLED 911 AND WERE TOLD TO CHECK TO SEE IF HE WAS BREATHING, BUT HE WAS ALREADY STIFF, AND HAD NO COLOR. OUR SON, KEVIN, WENT OUTSIDE, HE WAS CRYING, HE WAS HITTING THE CAR, THE TREE ASKING,"WHY DAVID, WHY". THIS HAS BEEN SO VERY HARD ON ALL OF US. THERE WAS AN AUTOPSY DONE, BUT IT TOOK ALMOST 2 YEARS TO GET IT, BUT WE DID FIND OUT SOME THINGS THAT GIVE US A BIT OF A REASON AS TO WHY DAVID DID THIS. ACCORDING TO THE CORONER, HE WAS IN THE ADVANCED STAGES OF CIRRHOSIS OF THE LIVER, HE ALSO JUST FOUND OUT A WEEK BEFORE, THAT HE POSSIBLY HAD CROHNS DISEASE. WE ARE STILL SO HEARTBROKEN AND JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET ON WITH OUR LIVES. MY HUSBAND JUST SLEEPS ALL DAY, HE DOESN'T SHOWER OR SHAVE, HE HAD TO RETIRE EARLY FORM HIS JOB. WE NEED SOME HELP. I PERSONALLY HAVE TRIED REGULAR THERAPY, IT 'S NOT HELPING. I FEEL SO ALL ALONE. SENSE MY OTHER SON'S AND MY HUSBAND, THEY JUST DON'T WANT, OR CAN'T TALK ABOUT DAVID. CAN ANYONE IDENTIFY WITH WHAT I AND MY FAMILY ARE GOING THROUGH? THERE IS SUCH A STIGMA TO SUICIDE, I'VE EVEN HAD FAMILY MEMBERS TELL ME THAT OUR DAVID IS GOING TO h*ll, BECAUSE HE 'MURDERED' HIMSELF. HELP ME!!!

[ladybug24]

i am sorry for the loss of your son. you can get more support on the loss of a teen or adult link here on this site.

[judiann]

((((((((Hugs))))))))

Please come to the Teen/Adult board.

Everyone there is very supportive and several have lost their child to suicide. Although they don't post much.....many read or "lurk" every day & I'm sure you will find some help & comfort there.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son David.......Now that you have found Silent Grief, please know that you are Not Alone.

judiann {from the Loss of Teen/Adult board}

[missingisaiah]

((((HUGS)))) I am so sorry for your loss!! I can't imagine the horrific shock and pain it must cause, and then not to get an autopsy report for two years must have added to the pain.
I hope you do go check out loss of teen/adult children.
Since regular therapy isn't helping you, maybe you need grief counseling or a support group for survivors of suicide.
It's normal for men to grieve differently than women, to not want to talk about it as much, especially when you have stupid people saying the kind of things your relatives have said.

[Corinne]

I am so sorry for your loss of your son, David. Please join us over at loss of teen/adult board.

[momtojason]

I am dealing with the same loss...my 24 year old son took his own life on May 19, 2006. He left a 4 page suicide note. He suffered from bi polar. I miss him every day...I am crying today.

I ended up taking a year off of work...and now work only part time.
Hugs,
Pam

[Proud Angel Mommy]

I have not lost a child to suicide but I did lose my 14 year old uncle that I found. I was like his mom, he was my sidekick, my family also thinks that "not talking about it makes it better". I can relate to what your son did when I found him and I tried to get him down and I knew I was to late I held his hand and asked why! I banged my head on the floor, I ran, I cried, I screamed, and then I acted "normal" to make it better for my grandmother......I am here if you need me!

[coopersmommie]

I understand what your going threw.. my grandfather commited suicide. he shot himself in his head and lived 4 hours after doing it.. we had to pull the plug on him.. he had collon cancer and weighed 87pounds.. it was so hard standing there and watching him suffer.... my nannie kept blaming herself and it wasent her fault.. he was hurting and he was the only one who new his pain besides the lord... It still hurts everyday... but we just take one day at a time.. it will get better in time.. i promise... my family is here for u..

thanx, kimber

[mely]

Im sooo sorry about your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!

[Clara Hinton]

Please know that my heart holds a special ache for those of you who have dealt with the loss of a child and/or loved one to suicide. My family has been touched by this painful death three times over, also -- two cousins and an uncle.

It's so hard to bring any type of closure to death by suicide because we feel such remorse for not "seeing the signs", for not being in tune more closely with the loved one who took his/her life, and for not understanding "why" this person felt so alone. The guilt is often unbearable, and that is probably the single biggest thing that we need to address when trying to bring about some healing.

I would suggest that you get into a suicide support group in your area. Most of the larger city hospitals have at least one such support group, and the help is often just what is needed! Also, if counseling has not helped, perhaps you can seek out a counsellor that specializes in grief from loss by suicide.

Lastly, I would say that it sounds like your husband is very depressed (often a by-product of grief), and needs some additional help for the depression. I hope that together you will seek out additional help from doctors. There is help out there, unfortunately it is often very hard to find specialized help. If you have a close family member or Pastor that you can call on to make phone calls for you, that would help you out so much! When we are grieving, it's almost impossible to muster up the strength to make those calls ourselves. Don't be afraid to call on others for help!

It is my prayer that you will continue to visit here often and allow us to be of special help and encouragement to you, too.

My many thoughts and prayers are with you. Remind yourself often that suicide is a very different type of grief, and requires a lot of specialized attention. Don't give up on getting some extra help!

Love,
Clara
PS If you would like additional resources/help, please pm me.