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Post by darioandamanda on Mar 29, 2008 19:40:38 GMT -5
I feel like I can't do it anymore. I just can't do it anymore. All I want is my baby back. My beautiful little baby. My body feels so broken still it feels like it is never going to heal. I sleep all day and I have to make myself get up and take a shower so when my husband gets home it looks like I did something with myself. All I want to do is lay down in bed and cry. This site is the only thing that is helping me right now. Its weird sometimes I will get this tingle in my stomach and I will start sobbing it feels like the baby is there still fluttering. Then I face the fact that I am not. I am mad. I am sad. I feel like I could die. I loved my baby so much and I did not get enough time with her. I really didn't. I think about my tenth month and being able to hold the baby I can actually picture it in my mind but I can't see the baby's face all I want is to be able to see my baby's face. I feel like I am not normal that I had to have messed up in so many ways or that God is punishing me. I hate myself sometimes I know that it was not my fault at least that is what every one is telling me. I also know that I can try again. My husband tells me to get over it now. Well I don't want to and I can't. I want my baby, I want all my baby's, all of them. Every time I feel like a piece of me goes with them.
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Post by Debs on Mar 30, 2008 11:30:21 GMT -5
It is not as easy as saying, get over it, especially after so many losses. About a day and a half after I found out there was no heartbeat, my husband said something similar. I told him, "If you found out your mom or dad had passed away, I wouldn't be telling you to get over it a day or two later."
He still didn't really get it until I passed the embryo. Then he was heartbroken.
Your husband is going to somehow have to understand that you need to grieve. This didn't happen long ago, your pain and sadness in normal. Please vent whenever you need. There are a lot of good listeners on the ttc board. Debs
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Post by darioandamanda on Mar 30, 2008 12:02:14 GMT -5
Thank you alot.
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Post by Debs on Mar 30, 2008 12:21:05 GMT -5
Please pm me or post if you ever need to talk. You are in a very fragile time. Don't try to do it alone, especially if DH doesn't understand right now. Sending hugs your way.
PS/where are you in colorado? I was born in Denver, and lived in Lakewood until I was 9.
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Post by luvelylin on May 2, 2008 13:06:53 GMT -5
I know this is hard! You will be okay we are here for you. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I still feel that way but I have a little girl that forces me to get up and it is hard. All I want to do is be left alone. You will have your good days soon I promise. Pray alot to god. I know you are mad at him and hate him right now I still do but for some reason he choose our babies to join him in heaven and they are hapy in his arms. It sucks because they should be in ours but god has a plan. Don't understand and think it totally sucks but in time we will have our answer. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you and your family! ((HUGS))
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Post by catt on May 19, 2008 17:21:00 GMT -5
i'm so sorry you can't just go on you have to take baby steps and pray that everything works out for a reason
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Post by sheyelo on Jul 3, 2008 13:38:32 GMT -5
i feel the same way. i found out i am pregnant two weeks ago. cant get in to see my obgyn until the 14th. had a miscarriage of twins last year and it was horrible. when i found out i was pregnant again i got my hopes up. but last thurs i started spotting. went to the er. had an u/s and they said no heartbeat. here i go again. still can't get in to see my obgyn. still spotting but no pain as of yet. all i want to do is cry. i hate myself. i keep asking what have i done wrong. all i want to do is sleep. the waiting is killing me. my fiancee is trying to be understanding but he is tired of just seeing me sit around. i am going crazy! all i want is to have this baby. but it doesn't look like that is going to be. i just want to shut myself off from everybody and grieve alone! i hate myself and my body! no one seems to understand. except the ones on this site. like you, this is the only thing that keeps me going.
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