My first Son

[toya81]

I am so lost without my son. I am 25 years old and I lost my first son when I was 7 months pregnant. I was due on Jan. 5, 2007. On Oct. 20th I realized my baby was not as active. I was really scared because he is usually active all day long. So I called the doctor and she told me to go into the hospital. They hooked me up to the monitors to find his heart beat. Once they could not find the heartbeat they hooked me up to the ultrasound machine. There I saw my son laying on his back and he was not moving. They called the doctor to come to the hospital right away. When she arrived she put me back on the ultrasound machine and showed me that my son's heart was no longer beating. After hearing that I just lost it. She then told me I would have to deliver him. They induced my labor that night and I gave birth to Tristan on Oct. 21, 2006. He weighed 1lbs. 11oz. 13inches long. He was so beautiful. I am having such a hard time sleeping in my bed because everytime I close my eyes I just see myself back in the hospital with the doctor telling me the same news all over again. I miss my son so much and I am so empty inside. I feel like I am losing my mind. If anyone has any comments on how they got through their loss please contact me. I need all the advice I can get and I would really appreciate it.

[tim]

First of all, I am very sorry for your losses. Most will tell you that they learn to cope with life with out a child slowly, little by little each day by expressing your feelings and sharing with others. Others will give advice through lessons they learned along their healing journey. Prayer is what gets me through the day and I am comforted that after each and every day I am one day closer to seeing my departed child again. I pray that the Lord will send you a comforter to help you through your grief process.

Prayers,

[gself]

I am so sorry for your loss. Our experiences are very similar -- at least in terms of gestational time of our loss, and the fact that he was our first and only child. I was 27 weeks along when we our son (B. W.) was stillborn, that was October 1 of this year. What has helped me a little bit is to make time to grieve. I found when I went back to work that I wasn't making enough time for it, and would literally collapse in a pile of grief on the weekends. So, from a couple of weeks out, I began a journal where I write to my son virtually every night. It gets the much needed cries going... I didn't realize how therapeutic and necessary all this crying was... but it is. I am also creating a scrapbook (never done anything like that before) of the momentos we do have to remember our sweet boy.

Also, if you haven't checked it out, check out the stillborn board which contains grief material... some of it is really good.

Please send me a private message if you would like, and I'd be happy to stay in touch via email.

Keeping you in my prayers.
Gretchen