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Jill
Sept 17, 2006 11:09:38 GMT -5
Post by ericadg on Sept 17, 2006 11:09:38 GMT -5
That's horrid. I wouldn't want to be stuck in the hospital by myself, as an adult, I can't imagine doing that as a kid.
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Jill
Sept 17, 2006 11:25:49 GMT -5
Post by jillgibson on Sept 17, 2006 11:25:49 GMT -5
The hospital got so full while we were there that we ended up with a roommate. He was a 3 year old with asthma. His mother would leave him for hours at a time. She didn't ask questions of the doctor's or nurses on her son's care. She never confirmed what medications he was getting and why. The poor boy would scream and scream for his mother while she was gone. He would climb on Avery's "cage" and his mother wouldn't stop him. She wouldn't let him watch what he wanted on TV if she wanted to watch something else (who was sick exactly?). She kept cursing at him. I just felt horrible for the poor little guy. I was actually thankful that his asthma wasn't as bad as Avery's because I seriously doubt he is getting the kind of home care he needs. At least I can be assured that Avery is properly treated.
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Jill
Sept 17, 2006 11:29:53 GMT -5
Post by jillgibson on Sept 17, 2006 11:29:53 GMT -5
Also, I can't count how many meals I skipped while in the hospital (DH went home to be with Izaac once Avery was stablized and out of the PICU). I didn't want to leave her even for the 10 minutes it would take to run to the cafeteria. I only ate if she was fast asleep or someone she knew (like my parents or cousin) were there to watch her while I ran to the cafeteria. Nurses aren't babysitters in my opinion. Not to mention, Avery had MAJOR stranger anxiety because they all poked her or did something to her. I showered at 3 AM while she was asleep and in between scheduled treatments. It is just crazy how some people can leave their sick babies all alone.
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Jill
Sept 17, 2006 11:56:41 GMT -5
Post by wuvmyangel93 on Sept 17, 2006 11:56:41 GMT -5
Sadly I left my son one night alone during his 7 day hospital stay and the guilt I have felt over it has haunted me the entire 13 years he has been gone.
It wasn't an option, I couldn't stay due to financial reasons, he was out of the woods and I had NO one that could stay with him.
He was alone from around 7 pm to 9 am when we picked him up for his discharge.
During this week there were also 2 times my mother came to take me to lunch and buy him a few gifts, both times I was gone less than 4 hours and he was only 2 months old.
The hospital food was horrid and expensive and being a single mum I couldn't do it. My son was not near death either time I left for lunch.
I stayed with him through the horrid spinal taps, the severe ultrasounds etc.
He didn't even recognize mom, was very lethargic, yet was still my precious son.
He was not an infant that would cry and if circumstances were different I wouldn't have left him that one night, but it was a necessity, not a I want a break.
During everyone of my daughter's hospital stays I was by her bed the entire time unless I had to get something to eat and one time during her very first stay in the PICU I left for an hour to buy her a gift.
I know there are some moms that just dump and leave their children, and its not entirely the parents faults.
Some children have severe chronic issues and the parents DO NOT qualify for respite care and have NO families so they may leave them overnight for a day, some children are worse when the parents stay the entire time.
And yes some parents just can't take it anymore and just dump their kids to go out alone, but that is NOT every parent that leaves their child alone.
Neccisty sometimes requires they do so.
My daughter does have severe asthma and the hospitalizations scare me so much that I am extremely cautious over everything and she is 11 now, her chemical sensitivity is so rare and dangereous if she is exposed that even the school has been taught to be dilligent and under her civil rights we have removed all known toxic to her substances.
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Jill
Sept 19, 2006 7:53:34 GMT -5
Post by Corinne on Sept 19, 2006 7:53:34 GMT -5
I hesitated to reply to this post because it has made me feel a bit guilty. I am a parent that did not always stay with Tim each time he was hospitalized. There were times that he was in Boston, 2 hours away from home, for more than a month. I just could not do it. Amanda, David & Tim were born within 4 years of each other. As much as I needed to be with Tim, I could not leave them for that long either.
So, my solution was to commute. Tim's mental state was that of "out of site out of mind" he couldn't comprehend when I was there or wasn't there. I guess in a sence that was a blessing. If I wasn't there, I was always in contact with doctors and nurses. In fact, his doctor in Boston gave me his home phone number!
Now, had David or Amanda been hospitalized as babies, with their awareness of everything, I think I would have had to do things differently.
It is so incredibly difficult to care for a severely disabled child 24/7. Sometimes we have to do things that others may not see as "the right thing to do". Do any of you remember the story of the parents who left their disabled child at the hospital because they were just burnt out? I am sure most people thought how horrible they were. I could actually understand why they did it. They were on the edge of a breakdown. I have been there. Sometimes it is the love of your child that you do things like this. That is how we came to put Tim in a nursing home.
Corinne
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Jill
Sept 19, 2006 8:57:01 GMT -5
Post by my4boys on Sept 19, 2006 8:57:01 GMT -5
I have seen TWO sides to this. First of all, the bad. The worst I have EVER seen! When Landon was a baby, he was hospitalized for several days, and I stayed. AT this time, we had FOUR children in the same room, divided by curtains. The "girl" across from me was there with a baby who was about 2 months old. She would be on the phone arguing with her boyfriend, saying the "f" word, just filthy language, and loud enough for us all to hear. The hospital ended up giving her taxi money because she wanted to go home. These were her exact words, and I will never forget them,"nothing I can do here, if my baby is going do die, then he's going to die. Nothing I can do about it". And she left. I felt so sick for that poor baby and have often wondered what kind of life he has had. This was 11 years ago and I still remember it as if it were yesterday.
Now, on to what Corrine said. First of all, I would never leave my child either. BUT...for those who have children that are in and out constantly, and have severe issues, sometimes you have no other choice. My sister has Chloe. Chloe has been in the hospital for several weeks at a time, and my sister has two other children to care for. CHloe also isnt in a state of mind that she is aware of everything. But even if she were, I still think my sister would have had to leave her at times, to care for her other children. I think that children who have cancer, or such, and have very long hospital stays, after awhile it becomes routine and the children feel more comfortable with their treatment.
Although I would and always have stayed with my children the whole time they have been in the hospital, if there were ever a time that my child had to be hospitalized for weeks on end, I know, that caring for my other four children would come into play, as well.
I know this wasnt meant to hurt anyones feelings, but after Corrines post, my heart just hurt for her, as I know what my sister has been through as well. And difficult as it might sound to some, when you do care for a child 24/7 sometimes a break is much needed. (not that you take your child there for babysitting, but that if they are going to be there, and are stable, you are able to have some time to breathe).
Blessings~ Wendy
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Jill
Sept 19, 2006 11:54:34 GMT -5
Post by LukeLevismommy on Sept 19, 2006 11:54:34 GMT -5
I don't belong on this board but I have also seen the worst of this ( not as an adult but as a child in the hospital myself)! I was in the hospital for a surgery when I was 7 yrs old, roomed with 2 other kids a little girl and a boy (native) the girl was my age and the boy was about 9! The little girl's parents were never there and her 16 yr old pg big sister was the only one there for her and she said day and night just like my parents! However the little boy's parents NEVER visited or anything my dad would go over and play with him cause he felt so bad for him! Come the day that this little boy was discharged my dad helped him dress and pack his few things! No one ever showed up to pick him up, he was abandoned at the hospital and was handed from the hospital directly to child services! That was very very sad! It still sticks in my mind 16yrs later!
Nicole
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Jill
Sept 20, 2006 10:38:24 GMT -5
Post by monicag on Sept 20, 2006 10:38:24 GMT -5
This is a tough one for me personally. I was hospitalized as a kid for months at a time in a body cast for a hip problem. I was 12-15 at the time. My mom only visited after work. I saw how exhaused she was and told her to stay home sometimes. As a 2 and 7 year old I had pneumonia and I remember sobbing because the parents weren't allowed to stay back then. I begged her to take me home. I do remember she left her hat on the bedside table once ..I was so happy because it meant she would come back the next day. Weird the things that stay with you. My daughter was very sick at 3 months old.. She was on a vent for 40 days and in the hospital even longer. I sat at her bed day and nite. I did go to bed in a room they had upstairs for a few hours. It was awful. She couldn't move or do anything. I still don't know if she knew I was there or not. I just couldn't leave. The doctor even wrote a perscription for my husband saying "take your wife to dinner" How could I go to dinner with a sick child. But we did. As soon as I saw a baby at the restaurant I sobbed and sobbed and we had to leave. TO this day I have abandonment issues and I'll always wonder if it was because of my experiences. My parents did the best they could. I'm sure not all parents have those intentions.... I too work at a hospital and have seen the ones that say "oh she had a seizure"...get admitted ...and you never see the parent again till the end of the weekend.
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