worried that it's my fault

[rachelandtyke]

This speech/langauge delay is bugging more than any of the other things we've had to face with Allie. I keep wondering if it is somehow my fault. Like maybe I don't talk to her enough. I don't know. I know it's not rational. I do talk to her and sing to her and DH does the same. We read to her and listen to music. I feel like I need a why explanation for this. I am "almost hoping" that it is something with her hearing, because it seems that would be able to be fixed and would give us a reason. Sorry, I'm just rambling.

[nicoledoug]

Rachel,

I KNOW how you feel. I feel the same exact way about Matthew's and now Noah's speech delay...it makes me feel like I am a bad parent or I didn't do what I was suppose to do when I was suppose to. I am sure this is a normal response to finding out our kiddos have a delay of some sort...try not to beat yourself up too much...I know easier said than done...I am really trying to take my own advice as well but it is so hard. Hugs Rachel~

[babs]

I so know what you mean. I keep thinking maybe if I just spend more time just me n B......and I know that he has brain damage. We're just moms and always try to take the blame!!!!
I am also 'hoping' that they find something on his eye exam to explain his lack of eye contact......it just never ends.
Love and peace,
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
me

[jillgibson]

I have a lot of guilt too. I really want to just lock Avery up in a clean room and keep her there, but I know that isn't the best for her. Instead, I second guess everywhere I take her and wonder what I did wrong when she gets sick. It's horrible.

[monicag]

Oh boy can I relate...we need to try to not do this to ourselves though. We have so much to do we can't heap guilt on top of it. So many people tell me that God chose me to be Jesse's mom...I didn't want to believe it because it sounded too easy...but I'm beginning to believe it. We are all GOOD mommies...and we didn't do anything wrong.

[ericadg]

Honestly, I think finding someone to "blame" is natural. I think it's kind of a grief process when we realize our child isn't "normal".

[Corinne]

Rachel, blaming yourself is very normal, not true, but normal.
Erica, you said it best, it is part of the grief process. When Tim was a baby and first diagnosed, I joined a support group for parents with special needs children. I learned a lot. Learning your child will not be "normal" is like the death of the child you expected to have. We grieve that loss just as we grieve the loss of our children that died.

[rusty]

Rachel,

As you know, from my post on MAM, Forest may be behind with speech as well. I have similar feelings. I'm not a very chatty person and neither is dh. Of course, we have conversations and point things out to Forest. We read and are working on a few sounds and words (MA which sometimes comes out DA or BA and up and down, we get duh and a finger pointing down). Forest points at things and we say what they are. I sometimes narate what we are doing... I'm not sure what else to do.

I can't "make" him talk. I'm not sure how one would do that anyway??? I figure I could encourage him to use his words, if he had any. It's very difficult to not wonder if something I do or don't do as a parent has contibuted to his lack of words.

I'm sure that you are doing everything in your power to help Allie. You are a great Mom and an advocate for your dd.

((hugs))),
Andrea

[rachelandtyke]

Thanks, ladies. Glad to hear I'm not alone. I guess I need to know why. And of the things I can think of, my being at fault is the least scary. But there's also the idea that if something is wrong with my little one, it must somehow be my fault. Thanks for all the support and encouragement!

Rachel