Time to make some hard choices

[wloublue]

4 BFN Clomid cycles, 3 BFN IUIs with Femara.

I went to the dr on Thursday and he thinks that if IUI does not work in one more try, it's time to move on to IVF or give up.

So now we must decide if we try IUI again, either with Femara (about $600) or try injectibles ($3,000 to 4,000) or just move on to IVF/ICSI (about $12,000 to 13,000). And somehow pretend that the money does not matter.

This also means time to choose a fertility clinic and RE.

I'm paralyzed. I don't know what to do. And it is so scary to come to the final round of choices. After all these years, yes YEARS, it could all be for naught.

[rusty]

Wendy,

I know this is a huge decission for you. I am sure that you will make the right choice for you and your family.

I wish I could offer you some wisdom or see into the future for you, but as you know that is not possible.

Whatever you decide, know that I will be in your corner cheering you on.

Best wishes,
Andrea

[lovemymonkeys]

Wendy, I just wanted to send you some hugs & prayers. I know too well the decisions that you are being faced with right now. After 6 years, 7 cycles of Clomid, 4 of them unsuccessful IUI cycles, we were told by an RE that IVF was our ONLY option. Needless to say, we decided to not go forward. We had finally accepted that Jake was going to be an only child. 3 months later I started feeling really sick & tired, I chalked it up to the time change, it was the beginning of flu season, etc... Finally when I was 11 days late, I tested at the urging of my OB and I got a BFP. I thought it was false & had to have a blood test done in order to let myself believe it was real. Natalie is the result and she is truly our little miracle. To make things even crazier, we were just about to start seeing a new RE out here in Colorado when all by ourselves we conceived again. I still can't believe that I'm expecting again after being told 4 years ago we would NEVER conceive another child on our own.

I guess the point of me sharing this with you is that I really & truly hope with all of my heart that this can happen for you. I pray for your every day, I pray that you are blessed with a little miracle someday. Miracles do happen, I believe this with all that I am...especially as Natalie is standing here laying her head on my lap as I type.

Please let me know if you need anything, even if it's just an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. You are being faced with a very difficult decision and I'm here for you 100%.

Love,
Audra

[wloublue]

Thanks so much for your support my friends. I think after all we have been through we will regret it if we do not try IVF, dh agrees.

[nancyintoronto]

Wendy,

I had 3 clomid/IUI cycles, all BFN. My first injects/IUI cycle was BFN. However, my 2nd and 3rd injects/IUI cycles were BFPs. Now, it depends on what your issues are. I have PCOS while my DH has no known issues, so my RE was confident IUI would work for me. (I've done a sonohystogram, an HSG and a laparoscopy, so we were confident that my reproductive parts were all fine).

IVF was out of reach for us financially, so we felt we had no choice but to continue the IUIs...and I'm so glad we did!

If you have any male factor issues, though, IVF might be your answer. It sounds like you haven't yet been seeing an RE....I'd do it ASAP, as they're much more thorough in testing you for other issues than an OB/GYN. Plus, they monitor your cycle much more closely to ensure perfect timing for your IUIs.

GL to you!!

[Buckeye]

Just want to add my support -- from Sept 2001 to October 2005, we did 10 rounds of clomid, 4 rounds of Femara, had a hsg, and a laproscopy, had a stillbirth and at least two miscarriages... and faced the same choice that you are now facing (and it was secondary infertility for us, too). In the end, we decided to quit and pursue adoption. After 3 drug-free cycles, we got pregnant. Totally unexpected and unbelieveable still. I don't know what the right answer is for you, but I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry you are facing this and I know how hard it is

Jen

[innocencelost]

Hi,

I see a lot of me in your post. I guess I'd have to ask why the Dr recommended IVF. In my case I was given CLomid "just because I was older" (had no O issues and after a LOT of research it's not terribly effective in women who are older and/or overweight) and did that 8-11/05, then a mix of Clomid/Repronex (inj) 12/05 (spent son's first angel day in a class for doing injectibles, that was lovely @@) and then straight Repronex 2/06, lap to remove endo finally 3/06 and last Repronex cycle was heaviest dose (3 vials for about a week or maybe 9 days) with poorest response 5/06. In my case RE said that I was producing follies (we watched them grow with the u/s) but not quality eggs. (BTW, I'll be 38 next week.)

I was chatting with a classmate of mine from HS who turns out was ALSO a fertilty patient of SAME RE. Her journey mirrored mine with watching the great follies grow (she'd also been teased about having quads like I was in the beginning) only to have BFNs for 2 YEARS. When she finally did IVF (one egg was IVF, the other had the add'l ICSI procedure done) they harvested 36 eggs (holy COW!!) but only 6 of them were viable (not a real good ratio). Those 6 were enough though and now she has twins born when she was about 37 1/2 and 4 snowbabies for later (was also secondary IF for her as well with slight male factor).

Please KIT. I'm not here that often (and we're preparing to move from California to Oklahoma City in 2 days) so feel free to PM me. Once we get our insurance/jobs straightened out we'll be doing the IVF thing because the cost of living in OK is so much lower than CA! We are open to adoption as well, but I truly want to explore all options rather than deal with the "what ifs". The money is a killer (that's why we're leaving both our families NOW b/c of a great job lead and $495/mo for rent vs $920/mo in CA) but it is just that - only money.

[LauraBeth]

Wendy...

Secondary infertility here. "Getting" was never our problem... "Staying" was. Short story version: After m/c #3, we went to the RE. He ran every test out there... and they found no cause (idopathic) but strongly suspected chromosomal aneuploidy. After m/c#4, we met with him one more time to learn our options. One he suggested was PGD, which can only be done in conjunction with IVF. Seemed odd to me, since we can "get" on our own... Once explained though, it made sense.

With PGD (Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis) they are able to test the embies for chromosomal aneuploidy, and only transfer backt the healthy ones. They removed 13 eggs. One was atretic (already non-viable). Of the 12, nine fertilized. Of the nine, eight went into PGD testing on "Day 3". Of the 8, only two were deemed healthy enough to transfer.... all the rest had complex multiple chromosomal abnormalities incompatible with life. We would have m/c again and again and again. Of the two embies transferred, only one took. DD#2 is a healthy, happy almost-3 year old now.

Not sure how my story applies to your situation, but I wanted to share with you something someone told me: If you don't try NOW when you can, will you regret not trying later when you cannot???

Yes, IVF is expensive. Yes, there are (like everything in life) no guarantees. In fact, due to my age, the RE wasn't even sure I'd have ANY viable eggs to retrieve. But all it took was that one little miracle egg! Financially, we did a bunch of different things: we used my medical flexible spending account, my insurance was good and picked up a lot of the medicines, and we "charged the rest!" (Got tons of credit card points that year!) All in all, even though we were initially told to expect the cost to be around 20K.... our end cost turned out to be closer to 10-11K. There are also places to get loans for this purpose, but we never pursued them, so I don't know much about them. Check out www.resolve.org

Know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers, whichever path you take.

(((HUGS)))

In Him,
Laura

[wloublue]

Thanks so much everyone for your heartfelt replies.

I think given the MFI and my age, IVF/ICSI w/ PGD is the best option and while we cannot just write a check, we are in a place that we can borrow the money and it will not devastate us.

And, yes, I think we would regret it if we did not see this through. We have not ruled out adoption, no matter what, but really want to have another baby of our own.

Thanks so much for sharing your stories and helping me see clearly about this. It does help to know that we are not the only secondary IF folks out there.

[LauraBeth]

When my DD#2 is older, I'll be telling her that we "charged her!" ;D ;D ;D