Really feeling down today

[marsij]

Pretty sure I'm in the middle of an annovulatory cycle. This was my 4th clomid cycle. I just don't know how to feel right now. Last night, Erik said that we need to come up with a date when we'll stop TTC. I was shocked that he'd bring that up when I've only had 4 clomid cycles. I know it's a strain on us, but I had no idea he was so close to "done". It's hard on me physically and emotionally to be dealing with this secondary infertility, and I mentioned that last night. Not that I was "done", just in need of more support. I planned to take a break after my 6th clomid cycle. Just to let things settle down a bit. I guess I just hadn't realized how much I don't want to take a break! I think I'm just going around in circles here. Not making much sense. I'm just drained right now. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.

[dawnn]

(((Marsi))) You had an awful lot of circles around your temps during what was probably ovulation time. Perhaps that's why FF didn't pick it up. Praying that's the case and you will know one way or the other real soon. I'm so sorry that you're feeling down. You made perfect sense. I can relate to feeling drained. (((hugs)))
Love,
Dawn

[heidi]

Is your doctor keeping tabs on you with sonograms, hon? They should be able to tell for sure if you ovulated. Are you going to an RE? If you're certain you haven't ovulated, perhaps it's time to take a higher dosage of Clomid?

I'm sorry about dh, hon. I wish I had a magical answer for you and could be there to wipe away your tears. *big hug*

Heidi

[marsij]

Thanks ladies.

There are open circles on my chart, because I used "my time" to record temps as I was on vacation in another time zone. I figured it would make more sense that way. Maybe I was wrong? When I "adjust" for the time difference, it's usually as much as 4 tenths higher. I just don't think I ovulated, because I had no pains around the time I should have.

And I will be asking for a higher dose of clomid when I go in next.

Oh. And I'm not having u/s done to check for ovulation. My dr thinks it's a waste of money, and I agree! ($100+ a pop! And insurance doesn't cover infertility. If they kept seeing all those u/s, I think they'd get suspicious.) So the next answer is, no, I'm not seeing an RE. Not covered.

[lovemymonkeys]

{{{Marsi}}} Sending you some hugs, sweetie. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, but I've been where you are & there aren't many words that can take away the emotions you are experiencing.

I would definitely get your Clomid dosage upped another 50 or more!! I'm really hoping that you O'd & just didn't realize it. I don't know, I just really want this for you!!!!

Lots of hugs & prayers for you, Marsi.
Love,
Audra

[heidi]

Sorry about the RE not being covered. I'll be right there with you soon. It sucks.

Keep in mind that charts/temps aren't always accurate for those with PCOS. Mine literally used to look like a rollercoaster. My doctor laughed and told me not to bother.

Hugs, hon. I'm hoping one of these days that you're pleasantly surprised.

Heidi

[wloublue]

Sorry you're having a rough time. I hope you and your dr figure out the magic potion soon. How frustrating to still be annov when you are taking Clomid.

I had four failed Clomid cycles too. It was really dissapointing. I really thought it would work. I can't believe I'm going to have my second IUI next month.

It really stinks that most insurance does not cover this if you have a medical problem that is causing infertility. It pays for NOT getting pg, male impotence, and it usually pays for prenatal care. Mine covers diagnosis of infertility, so it covers the scans, and even drugs, as long as it is not in conjunction with ART. Then, it pays nada.

FWIW, in the four years since we decided our family was not complete, we've blown through at least three "deadlines". Each time we've come to them, we've felt like we were not ready to give up. Afterwards, I felt like the "clock" was re-set. Silly sounding I know. Right now, my "re-eval date" is after two more attempts at IUI, July/August and Oct/Nov. Hope I don't get there.

So, maybe it would be helpful to have at least a "re-eval" date in mind, to discuss how much farther you both want to take it. This limbo land of ttc takes a big toll, and it is sometimes helpful to be able to look ahead and feel like after some point you will not be in limbo anymore, whatever the state of your family is.

It sounds like you already had a date in mind to look at things again; not stop, just re-evaluate things. Figure out what your options are.

Good luck sweetie. Hang in there. (((HUGS)))

[april]

Marsi,
I am so sorry that you are feeling so down and pulled in so many directions right now! I know what it feels like to not want to be done trying!! It's a hard thing to NOT do!! You are only on your 4th cycle of clomid. My doctor told me that typically most people don't see results until their 6th cycle on clomid! So maybe you can tell your partner that you want to see what happens a few more times! Give it til the 6th cycle! When you get to that time for the 7th hopefully you won't need it because you will be pregnant but if you don't get pregnant then maybe you guys can stop taking clomid, put away the charts and all the BS that comes with ttc and just do it whenever!! For three years........(more then that actually) my husband and I were ttc and some of those 3yrs were on clomid! I actually took it for it 2 months had to stop then took it again in Sept 05 til Dec 05 took Dec off for testing and again in Jan 06 and got pg with help of IUI. We got to the point where we didn't have sex at all until I was near ovulation or ovulating period!! And it was horrible!! We joked that we were going to put a time clock by the bed so that we could get clocked in and get paid to get laid! It took a lot of spark out of our relationship!! Bad!!! I am just over 6 months pregnant and even though there are some discomforts of pregnancy that keeps me from wanting sex but even when I feel sexiest and in the mood it's hard because all I can think about is the damage we did while we were ttc!! I can say that I hate sex but I can't tell you when was the last time I enjoyed it because of the stress and strain it caused when we were ttc!!! I would hate to see you go through that same strain!!! We were ready to give up because we hated the timing it BS but we still wanted that little baby in our arms!!! So we pushed the issue! Give it a few more months on the clomid but don't stress about timing it right. Then if you are still unlucky maybe take a few months off the clomid and spice things up in the relationship behind closed doors........who knows what might happen!! Don't let the fire burn out.........it's hard to get back!! I am so sorry again that you are going through this!!

BTW: our insurance company didn't cover anything involved with infertility! They would cover for the diagnostic testing to determine it but once anything treatment wise started they refused to pay! Therefore I couldn't go to a RE either! I was actually seeing my OB/GYN for all this crap!! We didn't have monthly u/s to rule out ovulation or anything. And since I had started clomid when we finally decided to have my husband's sperm checked they wouldn't pay for that because NOW I was being treated for infertility!! I hate how they dictate to us what they will or will not pay for!! It's not like we chose to be infertile and it is a disease like diabetes or impotence!!! Also maybe if you aren't UP to stop trying then maybe you can re-evaluate your plans......talk to your doctor about increasing the dosage of your clomid for a couple months and maybe talk about having your husband evaluated and then talk about some of your options from there!! Talk to your doctor about a payment plan/option for all of this and usually your hospital will allow you to make payments on treatment that is within your budget-that is what we are doing. When I took that Dec off I had to have an ultrasound to make sure I hadn't over stimulated my ovaries because we were going to increase my dose of clomid. (it ended up being a waste because it wasn't my fault we weren't concieving it was my husband's sperm quality) So we ended up not increasing my dose in Jan and that is why we chose to have the IUI done!! My IUI cost me $600 then of course all my appts for clomid checks and then the ultrasound and then having Dan's sperm anaylized once and then in Jan when he dropped it of at the lab to be washed and put into a syringe for IUI we are looking at about $2500 in costs. (we are making payments) And then my insurance didn't cover my scripts for clomid either so I shopped around contacting all my local pharmcies getting prices on what they would charge for clomid and I went to the cheapest place. (at 50 mg for 5 days it cost my $19.27 each time/month). I am sure that my putitng these numbers into perspective isn't helpful but where there is a will there is a way!! And I know how frustrating it can be to not have insurance coverage for this. But I wanted you to see that maybe just re-evaluating yourselves might make things easier and better! Get all your options! And if you do come to the point where you need AR assistance to get pregnant some places that do IVF have plans or grants you can apply for!! There is a magazine out there called Concieve........very helpful and full of information! I am sure you can look them up online as well! It's a bit expensive for only 4 issues but it's informational.

[melodyg]

{{{{hugs}}}}}}

I wonder if a u/s could be used to examine for relief of PCOS-symptoms? I'm just thinking that if there is a medical condition there insurance should cover. Can your dr code it under PCOS (and NOT infertility... my dr did that and insurance didn't cover a bit of even the testing that led to discovering insulin resistance!) and see if insurance would pay. Irregular cycles would warrant some testing and insurance coverage I would think!

Melody