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Post by jpollak on Jan 24, 2007 21:49:23 GMT -5
Hey everyone, It has been a while since I have posted. I just want everyone to know that I read every post, but it has only been 7 weeks since I lost Annabelle and sometimes I am just overwhelmed with emotions reading and cannot write or I just don't know what to say. I hope that I will be as supportive as some of you have been to me in the future. Today, I met with my OB and we went over lab results. Everything came back normal, but I am borderline for diabetes. However, he just said to watch my diet and exercise. He ordered more tests that I asked for (all the blood clotting tests) and chromosome testing on me and my husband. He believes that this was a "fluke" cord accident, but he wants to relieve my anxiety as I have completely become a hypochondriac in the aftermath of losing Annabelle. I don't know how to trust my body anymore. Every ache I think is something horrible. Is is normal to have aches and pains in grief/postpartum? I ruminate on every physical reaction I have. From dry mouth at night, to joint pains, to oily hair, to my foot falling asleep...it is bizarre...but, it scares me. I am so scared that I don't deserve to have another baby and so something awful is going to be wrong with me that is going to prevent us from trying again. I know these thoughts are crazy, but grief does strange things. Can anyone relate?  Well, I hope everyone is doing well and I keep everyone in my thoughts. Your posts are so comforting.....I can't believe it has been over 7 weeks...I miss you my sweet girl..... Hugs, Jenabella |
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Post by angelmomx2 on Jan 25, 2007 1:06:07 GMT -5
I think this is really normal. I went in to my doctor a week after the girls were born because I was having the worst pain in my ribs and was CONVINCED something terrible was wrong, they did an ultrasound and found nothing wrong. I think the reason it happens, at least for me, is that I feel so vulnerable. When I first noticed the girls weren't moving I called my mom, she told me to drink some orange juice and relax. I remember then just thinking there was no way anything could go wrong. I think that we have lost that innocence so we now KNOW that things can go wrong and we now realize that bad things CAN happen and DO happen and have happened to us. And now every pain and every little thing could be something huge. I think its just that we don't feel safe any more. I hope it will lighten with time today is 7 weeks for me too so I know that our pain is still so fresh and our bodies are still not back to normal.
Anyway, I'm sorry you are feeling this way (((hugs)))
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Post by mandasmummy on Jan 25, 2007 6:16:42 GMT -5
I think we now realise the statistics can happen to us. No matter how unlikely something is, we know that it could happen to us. I was a total hypochondriac with my l/c. I was convinced I was going to lose him too. But i guess I've learnt to sit back and let things happen. No matter how much I worry, things will happen as they are going to happen.
I hope you feel less worried soon.
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Post by ccathy13 on Jan 25, 2007 8:38:04 GMT -5
I hear ya...I am the same way! Like Brooke said, we have lost that innocence, I was looking through pictures of my baby shower the other day and thinking how nieve and happy I was. I know that there was nothing anyone could have known this was going to happen to Joshua, but there is always that voice saying, but what if?? Also, we never found out why Joshua passed and so we will always have that lingering question. Also, with Vicki on the fact that we have all found out that the statistic could easily be us again. When I was pregnant I read in that book, "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" that chances are that your baby will be perfectly fine. Well, those chances did not fall in our favor! I don't think they should put statements like that in books.
I hope that you begin to feel better and know that Annabelle is watching over you.
(((HUGS)))
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Post by butterflykisses on Jan 25, 2007 10:06:33 GMT -5
I Think it is normal. A week after Madiosn was born to heaven I went on a sat.morning to the doc. with the worst pains in my back and stomach. I was so sure they didn't gather all of the placenta.{Madison died due to placenta abrubtion} When I delivered her they were pulling just pieces of it out. So I freaked out a week a later. I still freak out.
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Post by Buckeye on Jan 25, 2007 12:07:23 GMT -5
I think you are normal in two ways ... grief can indeed be aphysical process AND you are still in a post-partum period, where your hormones are completely whacky.
Thinking of you, Jen
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Post by melissarae on Jan 25, 2007 12:54:14 GMT -5
I have feelings of worrying too. But mine are mostly dealing with my uterus. I had a c-section and am afraid of something bad happening next time I'm pregnant.... I seem to be over analyzing every twinge I have in that area, just mentally making sure I am healing.... I fear of a uterine rupture or placenta issues next time I get pregnant. You're thoughts are perfectly normal.
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Post by elliesmom on Jan 25, 2007 15:59:42 GMT -5
I agree with what everyone has written, especially on the hormone part. I had night sweats for quite some time and my hair started falling out, all the fun post-partum stuff but with no baby  I also felt like Ellie was moving for awhile after I delivered her -- and I had a pain that was right over my heart that took awhile to go away. I had that all through my pregnancy with her, how fitting... Do some things for you and allow your body to heal. It's so difficult. I was a mess physically AND mentally for a long time... HUGS, Jenn |
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Post by chantel on Jan 26, 2007 9:33:30 GMT -5
Oh sweetie, I could have written your post.
Even more so after dealing with my m/c, I got some abnormal results from my d&c, they told me I may have an ectopic but weren't sure. I woke up yesterday with bad neck pain and my skin felt so weird, I got dizzy and sick. I looked up symptoms of an ectopic and all of the fit and I freaked out and called 911. I thought it was ectopic related, I was scared out of my mind. Everyone (except the paramedics) were pretty rude to me, like they didn't believe me. It turned out they didn't think it was ectopic related or anything, maybe I am developing a skin condition related to stress.
I went home feeling so horrible and bad I had dared called 911 and had to call my husband at work.... but I was terrified. So I can relate 100%. I don't trust my body anymore after the stillbirth, after the miscarriage....
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Post by butterflykisses on Jan 27, 2007 0:19:04 GMT -5
I had alot of pain over my heart to. I am glad to hear that someone else had that too.
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Post by katiesmom on Jan 28, 2007 15:05:26 GMT -5
Hi Jenabella. Everything you describe is normal. I was the same way after losing Katie, I thought every ache and pain meant something terrible had happened, maybe there was a mistake made during Katie's delivery, or a complication that they didn't catch. Give it time, you will start to feel better physically. It's the emotional healing that's going to be a long hard road. (((Hugs))) Jenn
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Post by marcyj216 on Jan 29, 2007 20:04:51 GMT -5
Just like everyone else here, I could have wrote your post. It has only been 5 weeks and 3 days since we lost our little one (he was born at 22 weeks). We don't have any answers about anything either.
Every little ache and pain I have I am almost convinced that it's all related.
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Post by Trevon&Nevaeh'smommy on Jan 31, 2007 21:43:18 GMT -5
being over concerned about everything after a s/b is perfectly normal. you worry like never before because never before did you loose a child. i hope that all your test come back normal and you can go on to have a healthy baby soon!
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Post by brittney062511 on Sept 15, 2014 2:09:09 GMT -5
I am so thankful to have found this. My son was stillborn on June 20, 2014. His due date is coming up in a couple of days and for the past week or so I've been dealing with hypochondria. I think that up until now I've been numb and with his due date coming up, I've had a ton of emotions surfacing.
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Post by libralise on Sept 15, 2014 18:26:30 GMT -5
Brittney I am so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through right now. The anniversaries and 'dates' can be so hard and such triggers. What you are describing sounds typical I think. I hope that you have a good support system? These emotions that are surfacing are not best-kept-inside. Bottling it is not a good thing - at least for me it proved to be incredibly problematic. I did not think that people would understand how I was feeling and what I was thinking and so I did not want to even bother trying to talk about it. Now I tell people all the time that as bereaved individuals we need to talk about it. I am so sorry that the due date is just ahead of you and please know that I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Do you have plans for the due date? I like to have a "plan" for the dates so that I am not just sitting around with my thoughts. Whether it is just keeping myself busy with people around or having an actual commemorative event planned, I like to have an idea beforehand of what the day is going to look like. Sending you a bug hug. xoxx
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Well, I hope everyone is doing well and I keep everyone in my thoughts. Your posts are so comforting.....I can't believe it has been over 7 weeks...I miss you my sweet girl.....
I also felt like Ellie was moving for awhile after I delivered her -- and I had a pain that was right over my heart that took awhile to go away. I had that all through my pregnancy with her, how fitting...
