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Post by lindac on Nov 25, 2005 10:31:12 GMT -5
(((((((((((DEBBIE)))))))))))
I am from the Teen/Adult board but read and reply all over. I am so very sorry that you are not able to have your precious Ashley with you. Losing a child is a pain like none. Noone understands how very much we hurt, the emtotions that cut us to the very quick. We imagine how things might have been, we often feel anger. we have been robbed. We assume guilt when there is none to take on. all very natural when it comes to this thing called grief. Right now your grief is very raw, you are in that numb stage. You don't want to feel yet feeling is so important to work through all of the emotions. Allow yourself the luxury of your tears. They are valid. Time will gentle things but it does take a very long time. allow the ladies here to support you. You have a lot of really good people on this board as well as on others.
wishing you a gentle day.
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Post by Clara Hinton on Nov 25, 2005 13:34:07 GMT -5
Dear Debbie, Special ((((hugs)))) are being sent your way. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious little girl, Ashley.  I, too, had a little baby born still--he was 25 weeks when he was delivered. I carried him for another 3 weeks after he died (my doctor wanted me to go into natural delivery--why, I don't know, but that's what was done). Sometimes the pain does seem like it's more that we can bear. I used to spend hours at a time crying following my loss--often blaming myself, being angry with God, and mad at the world because I had lost the most prcecious thing in the world to me--my baby. Those feelings are all normal and they last for quite a while until our hearts and minds have time to process all that has been taken away so suddenly and unfairly. Please take extra good care of yourself during this time when your pain is so raw. Try to build up some sort of support system for yourself to help you through the days that seem like you're not strong enough to make it. Also, it's real important to be aware of depression. Sometimes depression can creep up on us very slowly and we're not even aware of it happening. If you feel like you are depressed, please be sure to visit your doctor and talk to him/her about your feelings. I mostly want you to know that these feelings of deep, raw pain that you're experiencing now will not last forever. Please be real gentle with yourself and allow yourself all the time you need to work through what you are feeling. Your world suddenly changed, and now you need time to adjust your thinking as well as time to allow healing to touch your heart. My many thoughts and prayers are with you. Love, Clara |
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Shar
Full Member
MarieAnne's Angel
Posts: 210
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Post by Shar on Nov 25, 2005 14:30:17 GMT -5
Debbie, I'm so sorry that your hurting so much right now. I don't know if you've noticed, but the boards, s/b anyway, is slowing down. I think that's because lots of mommies to angels have a very hard time with the holidays. I know that I'm slipping into that place where the pain is so close to the surface that just a tiny scratch feels paralyzing. Please be gentle with yourself. You have to be on guard emotionally, but all the while taking care of yourself physically. The hole in my heart, and the heaviness in my chest is still there 15 months, 1 week later. Sometimes it still feel unbearable. Please know you're not going through this all alone, although I KNOW it does feel that way at times. If you need more support than the boards, please feel free to email me. Together we'll make it though. I'm not sure HOW, but we'll make it though. I still find myself thinking of 'how big would she be now'. I know that her EDD was 1 Jan 05, so she should be about 11 months old... and of course I saw the prettiest brown hair, blue eyed 11 month old girl just yesterday at work. And it breaks my heart. Then I try to imagine what she would've been doing now if she would've lived when she was born.. 19 weeks premature.. yes with some physical and mental problems... but still with all my love. It's heart breaking, and I do it only when I know I can break down and be vulnerable (sobbing my eyes out with the 'nose' bubbles and all) Please know I'm thinking of you, and praying that you feel strong enough to face what you have to today.. Hugs,   MarieAnne Elizabeth ~18 August 2004~ Born 5:20 am Died 6:40 am Born at 20weeks 5 days  Born too early, gone to fast, But our love is strong, And our memories will last.       |
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The 3 Terrors 
