I never sleep, aching arms and crying babies

[ibarbie]

Debbie - Huge {{{HUGS}}} I was ironically enough going to ask about sleep cycles. How long it took people to get back to normal. My Dr. prescribed Ambien fo rme, and I get roughly 5 hours out of it, but I still dream. It's restless sleep, but I know that otherwise the little bit ofr functioning that I have would be non existant.

Last night I heard his heartbeat. It really was a heartbeat I was hearing! Loud thumping, almost like in a horror movie. It was my own. Racing to meet his rythym. As I calmed down a little, because I realized that I kinda sickly liked hearing it it slowed, that is when I figured out that it was my own. I must have fluid in my left ear. I don't know what else to think. THat was 3am. I fell asleep at 11 - 11:30 I finally fell back to sleep at 5:45 only to have my alrm go off at 6am. Joy.

THe dreams are jsut so incredibly real, and while not all exactly about him or the birth most lead to it, or are simply nightmares. Obsene, unwanted, unwarranted nightmares, of things I am not even afraid of.

Not tyring to hijack your post, but you and I are very close in our losses (a month) and I see so much of what you are going through in me... and worse. You validate my fears. THis is actually freaking real. No escaping it, must face it real.

I keep JB with me in my car and my Grey bear with a blue nose and his crocheted blanket in bed with me. I don't go anywhere without osmething to hold. Keep your teddy close. It's nice to have something so close. Not a true replacement, but at least something to hold.

{{{HUGS}}}

[catherine]

It took four months for me to be able to sleep regularly. I would pace the floors...sit in my rocker...watch the minutes tick off the clock. Even now, I have the occasional sleepless night where the dreams seem to chase me from my bed.

Try to be gentle with yourself. Take extra good care of yourself physically...eating right and taking your vitamins. You may also consider talking to your doctor. Something simple like a sleep aid can definitely help.

[hunterandbethsmom]

I still have nights where I cannot sleep.
At first, I didn't sleep at all, but when I did, I would sleep for hours and hours. Almost like I had been up for 2-3 days, had to sleep for 1 to make up for lost sleep.
Be careful with sleep aids, some are very addictive, talk to your Dr.

[my2angels]

Debbie,

(((HUGS))) Almost 4 onths in and I am still not sleeping right..there are nights that I have to take some Ativan, just to be able to get at least 5 hours sleep ( Thank God, I only work part -time!).

I find that I go through periods when I could sleep all day...and most often then not, my regular bed time is 4 am...I too, am hoping that this regulates itself out somewhere along the way down this hard journey.

I hope that you are able to get some quality sleep at some point! Thinking of you!
Cass

[kellansmommy]

Debbie,
First of all I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious little Ashley. I have a little sis named Ashley.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know I had a similar experience. I could fall asleep OK but would not stay asleep for more than 2-3 hours. It was very hard to make it through the day and cope with my 2 lc. I discussed this with my Dr and was told Benadryl was safe to take and is not habbit forming. I still occasionally have to take it, just to get a good nights sleep! After 21 nonths it's still a struggle some days not to hear the crying or just baby sounds in general. I still sleep with Kellan's blanket on my pillow.
Please remember this is all still so knew to you! If I can be of any further help PLEASE just ask! It gets a bit easier each day. It will always be with you no matter what anyone says or does to you!
God Bless,
Nikki.