kaha
Full Member
Posts: 108
|
Post by kaha on Nov 16, 2005 6:35:59 GMT -5
I just saw photos of pregnant me for the first time since Piotrus died. I found them by accident but had a choice whether to look at them or not, because before I opened the file (they are on computer) I knew what was in it. and there it was my 24 weeks belly, as beautiful as could be, and my happy face. I shoud have not looked at them, it hurts too much. I am in my office now and all I can do is cry. I want my baby back, I want my life back and what sould I do with these photo, I cannot look at them but they are also one of the few confirmations that my son existed. They are part of my life. I would like to have them in my photo album but how, if I hate them in a way? Today is getting a more and more difficult day. On top of it in the evening I am going to my cousin whom I love and who is a great support for me. Together we are going to visit her sister whose son is 2 months old. I am anxiuos, I hope we do not stay there for a long time. Good thing is that it was my choice to go and see the baby. My cousin asked me if I want to, but anyway it will be hard.
|
|
|
Post by mypreciousashley on Nov 16, 2005 7:19:35 GMT -5
I would not get rid of them right away I am slowly makeing a photo album for my ashley and I have printed the pictures off of my computer of me pregnant to put in a special album that is just for her pregnancy. It is hard to do but maybe day buy day you can do it. I have done some but not much. Then you have a special album that is just for your baby you lost. I am holding you tight and can so relate to the pain. I hope I helped. I am very knew at this griefe thing and its hard for me also
Debbie
|
|
|
Post by ibarbie on Nov 16, 2005 7:48:36 GMT -5
I have printed mine out and am putting them into Justin's "box" It's everything that I have of him. His footprints, photo(which I truly hate) and his blanket, etc. Then you can keep the lid on the box and only open it when you want to/need to.
At least that is the plan.
G/L Those pics are a beautiful reminder, even though it hurts so much to remember.
|
|
|
Post by catherine on Nov 16, 2005 8:55:32 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you stumbled across that landmine today, when you're trying to gather your wits to see a baby. It's tough, you never know when one is going to pop up...and it's often at a time when you really don't need the reminders.
I printed mine out and put them in Alex's memory box. Then I took a deep breat and collected every random photo and put them all in one file marked "Alex." That way I know they're there, but I have to really want to open them to see them. I don't think you really hate them. I think you hate that they remind you of what it used to be like...that happy life you had. At least that's what it is for me. And as time goes on, maybe you'll be able to look back and relish the happiness...instead of just seeing the disappointment.
Good luck with the baby meeting. Remember that often times we build things up in anticipation...and then the actual event isn't all that bad at all. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that we're all there with you in spirit...cheering you on.
{{{hugs}}}
|
|
|
Post by andrewsmommy on Nov 16, 2005 8:56:46 GMT -5
I would not get rid of them either. Your feelings toward them may change over time. I had a period where I loved looking at andrew's photos but then for a few weeks I just couldn't. I hated that the only photos I had of him where those. But now I love looking at them again. I kept everything and anything I could that was concected with him. I made him a baby book and a box for his special things. Even if you never look at the stuff again, it is nice to know it is there
|
|
|
Post by hunterandbethsmom on Nov 16, 2005 9:19:22 GMT -5
If you get rid of them now, you might really regret it later. Put them in a box with the rest of your things that you are keeping to remember your baby, and then you can see them when you are ready. One day, you will be ready to look at them, and will cherish them.
|
|
|
Post by my2angels on Nov 16, 2005 20:32:27 GMT -5
I have the same bitter sweet reaction to any pics that I see and think..aww, I was pg in that one. It hurts, but at the same time it is another treasure. I wouldn't throw them out either..
HUGS, Cass
|
|
kaha
Full Member
Posts: 108
|
Post by kaha on Nov 18, 2005 13:35:36 GMT -5
Thank you thank you girls. I thought a lot about this whole photos stuff and you helped me a lot. It is a great idea to have each of them stored in a box so that I wil still have them but will not stumble upon it accidentally. The same applies to the computer, Catherine I hope you do not mind if I steal your idea and have a file with my son's name I will also put there all the e-mails I wrote to my friend who was abroad during my whole pregnancy and to whom I wrote a lot about Piotrus. I cannot read these letters now but somehow I am reluctant to delete them. Only, I have to go through all these photos and e-mails to put them in a right place. I hope it will not break me into pieces. Seeing a baby was fine (not that I enjoyed it, but it did not hurt me, although it was first baby boy I saw since Piotrus' death). It was also the first time I bought a toy for a baby. But I did not go to a shop with toys, only to a market with all diferent sorts of things. Anyway, it was a small step forward. Although you know what, I bought it on the day of the visit so that I did not have to keep this toy at my house and look at it for a week. What was very nice is that when we left, my cousin got a message from the mother of this little boy. She wrote that the toy is great and Igor (the baby) enjoys it very much (she did not have my mobile number). It warmed my heart so, I had these thoughts that maybe some people would not like to get anything for their babies from me as I might bring bad luck. I know some people are THAT stupid. Luckily she was not. wow, what a long post, thank you for reading last news: af arrived, no words for what I think of her
|
|