weird breakdown

[blessedmom2four]

These past four months have been the toughest in my life, but I have managed to pull my life back together and am starting to function somewhat normaly (whatever that is), which is why this breakdown was such a surprise to me. My husband and I went away to a pastoral ordination confrence this past week and it seemed that every single woman there was either pregnant or had just had a baby. I was really proud of myself for the first part of the week, I didnt go out of my way to be around the people with babies, but I didnt avoid them either. But then on the second to last night, in marches another new lady who is bring in her newborn son to visit her husband. I was sitting at the dinner table and she walked behind me and my daughter jumped of her chair and went running up to the lady and was saying exsitedly, mamma mamma look a baby! and I dont know why, it just suddenly hit me, I could feel my heart thumping in my chest a million miles an hour and I felt like I couldnt breathe, of course I couldnt start bawling right there as there was a table full of people with us who would have thought I was crazy! buit the whole time I sat there I felt like this and tears were stinging my eyes. everyone thought I was upset becuase there was no pie left! If only they knew! I went back to my room and it was like it just all came back fresh and raw,and I just starting sobbing and I couldnt stop, my husband was holding me and then he started crying to. I felt so bad! I'v seen new babies and been okay, so why did this hit me so hard? Sorry for the long vent.
thanks
LIz

[Shar]

Liz, I'm so sorry sweetie that you've had a breakdown. It normal. I know for me anyways, I only started coming out of the 'shock' of the entire situation at about 3 months. Maybe you're just a bit delayed. Please don't think that is UN-normal to breakdown... you just lost your precious Isaiah. It hasn't been all that long ago, even though it seems like it's been an eternity already. Be gentle with yourself. Seeing newborn babies and pregnant women is still hard for me now at 15 months (this friday). You'll need to also consider that it's the holiday season. People are going to be out and about with their children of all ages soon, and that's so tough too. I'm glad that your DH was there for you... to hold you... to cry with you when you needed him most. I know it's been said numerous times, but mommies and daddies DO grieve differently, but having a DH that is understanding helps us let our pent up emotions out.

I'll be thinking of you, my dear sister in grief,




MarieAnne Elizabeth
~18 August 2004~
Born 5:20 am
Died 6:40 am
Born at 20weeks 5 days


Born too early, gone to fast,
But our love is strong,
And our memories will last.

[my2angels]

Liz,

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry that you had to go through that..it must have been awful. I'm alsmot 4 months into my grief and I have yet to be really near a newborn, pregnant women, yes..and that's hard enough! My DH and I call them the enemies for now, LOL!

You probably needed the breakdown, as sort of a release. There is no reason for you to feel bad about missing your precious Isaiah, you just want him here with you.

About a month and a half ago, I had to run by my dr's office to drop something off...for some reason once I got back into my car, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I sat there for about an hour just crying, I had to have a friend of mine come pick my blubbering butt up in the parking lot~ I couldn't even drive. To this day, I still don't know why it hit me right then and there, but I figure I must have needed it.

Please be gentle on yourself and take care!

HUGS,
Cass

[Mommy of Lydia and Mary]

Liz, I'm so so sorry. Nothing weird about your breakdown honey, just normal. I'm glad your dh was there with you, holding you, and crying with you.

I had one at work about 3 months after Mary was born. I'm a critical care nurse and was sitting down to get report on my patient when I saw that the patient was CMV positive. CMV is a virus that if transmitted to a pregnant mommy can cause the baby to die. All of the sudden my heart started racing, tears welled up, and then the loud, uncontrollable sobbing began. I couldn't even control the noise. I ran to the bathroom soon to be joined with 3 other nurses holding me. I was also uncontrollably shaking. I just kept repeating 'if I was pregnant I couldn't have taken care of this patient'. I did have my assignment changed. I would have never made it through the day.

Liz, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

~Blessings~

Tara

[mypreciousashley]

Wow ladies I red all your replyes and liz post and I am sort of scared of all the feelings I have to go through. There is much involved with loosing a child. Some days seem so normal and then other days dont. Liz I am not even as far as you are in the grief but I dont think you are crazy at all. This all seems like so much. It is hard

Debbie

[kaha]

it is so hard that we never know when the breakdown is coming. It can be a big thing like somebody's thoughtless comment on our loss that causes it. Or it might be simply while looking at first snow and realizing we should be watching this beautiness together, when dark time sets in. and it is so physical also, like you wrote about your heart thumping so fast. It is true, you can hardly breathe then.
I wish I could have words to make it easier. I can only say, I know this well
((((hugs))))

[hunterandbethsmom]

Liz,
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. It is all totally normal, I just wish when we could have these breakdowns. I ALWAYS have mine at the most inopportune times, as do a lot of people. Our emotions have to break through sometime, if not, I don't think we would ever let them. But, usually, after I have a major breakdown, I feel a lot better....it is almost like "Whew, had to get that out!"
I will keep you in my prayers....