Have you ever felt like a jinx??

[hunterandbethsmom]

OK ladies, I might be off my rocker here, but I am throwing this at ya'll anyway. Just to make sure that I am not totally insane!
As you all know before the boards went down, I was to have a niece and nephew born this fall. Well, I did. I have a niece, Erika who is 4 months old, and a nephew, Noah, who is 1 month old. They are the most precious babies (next in line to my own, of course) and I love them to bits.
My sil's, give me the impression that they think I am one great big bad luck charm. You can see the look in their eyes when I hold the babies...almost like I am gonna kill them just by touching them. I have never seen them wear any clothes I have bought them, or seen them NEAR anything I have bought.
Now, I might be off my rocker here, but this starts to hurt after a while. I DO have a LIVING 5 year old, and she stayed alive this long under my care, so I can't be that bad of an omen, you know?
They also look at me crazy when I give them advice on things...for example, when the babies have a tummy ache or gas. I have tons of little things I used to do for Catherine that would help. I have told them these things MANY times, yet, the babies always have gas and tummy aches, and their moms are never trying anything I suggest. Either they "forgot" or someone else told them something they liked better. And I have quit even asking to babysit....you should see the looks I get!
I guess I will continue on my little miserable existence, and be the one that every one is afraid to let touch their babies. It really hurts, but like everything else, I guess it will be numb after a while.
I just feel like saying sometimes...
"Yes, my babies are dead, but it isn't my fault!!! STOP looking at me like I am the carrier of the PLAGUE!!!"

[george1995]

Oh Joy!!!!!

I'm so sorry, and yet do understand! When we lost George, we had 2 babies born into our family, my goodness, oneday we came to a family gathering and they actually bundled the baby away, because the mother was too upset to see us. She has now "calmed down" as she put it........ she told me she couldn't handle seeing us because it worried her that these things can happen.

I still to this day think.......hummmmmmmm......you know a placental abruptuion is kind of out of my control, I have 2 living daughters.......and like you have managed to do a fine job of keeping them safe!

I'm saddened that people feel this way, I'm sending love and prayers your way, you certainly are no jinx sweetheart!

With love

[andrewsmommy]

I think you need to talk to them. Tell them you are hurt by their actions so they might as well say how they really feel and then maybe you all can move forward in life. Communication is so important. Good luck.

[babs]

Sorry Joy, I started to reply before but got kicked off the internet!
DH's family treats me the same way.They bundle up their babes and if they let me near them they keep a VERY watchful eye on me with them! >:(I'm not sure if they think that I will hurt them or snatch them!
I know that after losing Max I felt, like we all did/do, that it was my fault and how could I protect any child if I couldn't protect one that was inside of me?!?!And thier actions just validated that feeling.It hurts- but yes, I have become 'numb' to it by now and don't even try any more. :-/Maybe not the best way to deal with it-but it's dealing with it never the less in my book.
I hope that they come around soon.But if you are close enough to them maybe you could talk to them about it.DH's family and I are NOT that close so I let it ride......
You are a good mommy!We all know that hon.
Love and peace,
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo

[raven]

Hello Joy. Im sorry about what you are going through. That would upset me as well.
In a way i know what you mean when you ask if anyone feel's like a jinx, because i do, in a way. Especially if im around pregnant women, alway's scared something will go wrong for them and they will think it's my fault or something! I know silly thinking but i've had so much bad luck myself, im scared of passing it on to other's! It's funny you bringing this up actually, as i go to a SANDS meeting here in New Zealand, once a month, and at our last meeting this topic was actually brought up then. And nearly all the ladies there felt the same way, and felt uncomfortable sometimes being around pregnant women and mother's of new babies, not because of the fact that they were pregnant or had babies either. But just because they were made to feel uncomfortable by the looks and comments they would also get and it got to the stage when they stopped offering advise etc to other's because of this, even though they all have other children themselves that are well and healthy.
It's not fair to have to feel like this, ontop of everything else we have to deal with. Our confidence, alot of the time's is already shattered since losing our babies, we don't need to have to feel like one big Jinx on top of that.

Rebecca

[my2angels]

Oh, that would just make me so mad being around people ( family, at that!) like that! I agree with Mindie in saying that you should just talk to them. Maybe they don't realize what they are doing..if they do, then you can talk things out and let them know how YOU feel being treated as if you have some contagious disease or something.

I have been around several pregnant women that stopped calling me after Quinn died..they said that they felt uncomfortable. I think that they felt I was a jinx , especially even after a few months they didn't really talk to me all that much after either! If only they knew...

So, I'm sending you big, cyber ((HUGS)) in hopes that it puts a smile on your face! Remeber, just breathe! ;D

Cass

[Shar]

JOY, O-M-G!! I cannot believe this... I mean I thought my in-laws were awful and you've been living with this. It's so insensitive... How could you, sweet, wonderful, strong YOU be a jinx?? Maybe it's not that they really think you're a jinx... they are just scared?? I mean we both know that there are other boards on here... and that the thought of loosing a child...well we know how that is, terrifying!! Have you said anything to them... Like your last line... that YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PLAGUE!! How about that as hard (and obviously scary) it is for them to have you Hold their children... how hard it is on YOU to hold them... to see that your gifts of LOVE are being pushed aside b/c of their fears?? If maybe you brought it to their attention that their feelings are being worn on their faces, maybe they would try harder to include your thoughts, ideas, and gifts?? Sorry I don't have any actual experience in this situation.. my sister was very warm to me last year and acknowledged how hard it was for me and Eric to hold my neice... (and the inlaws... what inlaws)


Hugs to you my strong friend...




MarieAnne Elizabeth
~18 August 2004~
Born 5:20 am
Died 6:40 am
Born at 20weeks 5 days


Born too early, gone to fast,
But our love is strong,
And our memories will last.

[my3girls]

Oh God honey! Next time just turn around and ask them if your face is covered with big hairy wart or something & then turn the tides on them - tell them that you appreciate their concern for you & that you love that they are trying to "protect you from the pain of not having your angels by keeping theirs from you", promise them that you are not thinking of kidnapping their babies & that spending time with them actually makes you feel more like a member of the family again. Make them feel guilty for being scared that your fate would happen to them . . . insensitive idiots! Why is it that family can be dumber about this crap than almost anyone else in our lives?

[ibarbie]

Well, okay- honestly I have to say it is the other way for me. I DO feel like a jionx. Everyone around me dies. Don't get to close or you might just catch something fatal. I even trynot to touch children. It seems if you don't die you get REALLY sick.

I really am a jonx. We've lost 6 immediate family members the alst year or two, and that is not counting the 2 babies... or friends, etc....

I am known for it.. literally. I am actually afraid of myself.

[catherine]

I know you didn't ask for advice...but you really should talk to them. Nobody should go around feeling like you're feeling.

[hunterandbethsmom]

I really WANT to talk to them, but what can I do??? They are at the highlight of their lives, and the last thing I want to do is be "selfish" and ruin that. And to add to it, my older bil is getting married Friday. I can't do it...and I don't know what else to do. I guess I will just deal with it.
Thanks for all the kind words...always nice to know that you are not the only one in the bucket....