My journey after my loss its hard

[my2angels]

Debbie,

I am sorry that you are going through this ~ I am sorry for anyone that has to go through it period. In my early days of grief, I did not eat or sleep, all I could do was play everything over and over in my head. I still do not know why I lost my baby girl..I was told that these things just happen for no reason. It is hard to deal with most days.

I have to agree with Laura in saying that everything changes ~ you most of all, is the biggest change, you are no longer the person you once were. Your relationships with friends and family take on a change as well, especially if people don't understand what you are going through.

Things will get better ~ one day you will wake up and notice it...you don't cry as much and you actually can smile and/or laugh.

People say that I am still early in my grief, but what a change form the early days. Please know that I am thinking of you..take it easy on yourself.

HUGS,
Cass

[momtochance]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I too lost my son to placental abruption. Losing a child has got to be the hardest thing I have ever gone through. The grief rollercoaster is so emotional. One day you may feel like things are starting to look up and another day you may cry all day. Unfortunately this is what happens. I do believe that in time the grief will get a little easier to deal with and that we will all find happiness. I know it doesn't feel like it now but it will happen.

Just know that our children know how much we love and miss them. We are all here for you. Be gentle with yourself.

[Shar]

Sweet Debbie,
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful Ashely. I know how hard it is to function, to eat, to sleep. You may have to see your dr to ask for some help in the sleep department if the insomnia persists for very long. YOu need the sleep (and food too) so that your physical body can heal. I remember sitting up all night long begging for God to grant me a miracle... to bring her back to me. I would sit and look up at the stars on my back poarch wrapped in a blanket and cry as DH slept. My arms ached so much, I was greatful that my Beagle Princess, Shelby, would always come and let me hold her tightly. Please know that the shock of everything that's happened is very hard... very overwhelming. But we're here for you. I know that I've depended on the women here at SG for the last 15 months. I HAVE to know how they are... and share when I need to (not so often anymore). The holidays are approaching and they are very difficult too... You may want to look into a support group, maybe your pastor can refer you to one.

Please remember that family and friend, even strangers taht mean well, will end up hurting you ONLY b/c they don't know what to do. Most just want to take away your pain... but no one can. Be GENTLE to yourself... your mind, body and soul all need some time, so take it.


Thinking and praying for you,





MarieAnne Elizabeth
~18 August 2004~
Born 5:20 am
Died 6:40 am
Born at 20weeks 5 days


Born too early, gone to fast,
But our love is strong,
And our memories will last.

[andrewsmommy]

(((HUG))) I am so sorry for your loss. It really doesn't help to be a statistic does it? With both of my losses the doctors love to throw those numbers around. But it does help to have answers. The answers can't bring our babies back, but they can give us some peace.

Everything is going to be harder for a while. The feelings you have are normal. It is okay to feel them. If you want to cry, do so. If you need to just lay there, go for it. I had a hard time just getting up, taking a shower and opening the curtains. So some days I didn't. And that was okay. Holding a stuffed animal is a good idea. I used to rock the dog in a blanket and cry in the middle of the night. Odd, maybe to someone who has never been where we are, but it helpped me and if the stuffed animal helps you, do it.

In the begining it is hard to sleep. That's when the nightmares show up, and no one wants to relive a loss over and over. I would wake up crying and not remember why sometimes, just a awful feeling. So you do try to avoid sleeping. But you need to sleep, you body needs the rest. Maybe your dr could give you a sleeping pill perscription. I personally just went till my body gave up from lack of sleep and slept for days. Not a good way to go.

And your lack of appitite is normal. My dh would have to force me to eat when he came home from work. I didn't care, why eat. There was no point. Well my dear there is a point. There are people out there that love and need you around. So if you have to, make a list, like 5 carrots, a slice of bread and a piece of cheese. And that day, you can't go to bed till you cross those off because you have eaten them. Sounds silly but it works.

Now as for your mom, get a caller ID. That goes for anyone. In the begining sometimes you just don't want to or can't handle talking to people or certin people. And that's okay. I would screen my calls. And even when I did talk to people, like my mom, sometimes there would be fights. Because they don't know what to say and we are so wrapped in our grief that the smallest thing sets us off. In time everything will settle. And it is okay to want the world to go away. I didn't leave the house for days at a time. And when I did, someone had to be with me. It is only after a year and much healing that I am starting to be the person I was. That I enjoy going shopping alone or out to dinner with friends. The world is a scary place, but it will get better. I know that's hard to believe now, and I didn't believe it when I was told, but it does get better, slowly and over time.

It is good that you are getting your thoughts out. Keep posting, don't bottle it up. We are here for you (((HUG))) now go eat something and take a nap (((HUG)))

[hunterandbethsmom]

Debbie,
I am so sorry for your loss.
We have all been through this, some more than others, but it is all part of the process. I wish we could all just bypass the bad parts, and be able to live again immediately. But, it seems more of us stick to the "being miserable" part, I know I have.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers...

Joy

[hunterandbethsmom]

Debbie,
If this is the way you are feeling, I would try and get some help. You don't want to go back to that lifestyle. It might make you feel numb for a little bit, but eventually it won't make the pain go away either. You will keep doing things to make the pain go away, and will end up hurting yourself more. Try and just take it a meal at a time. Eat something small here and there, and you will see that not eating is not going to make things any better. I did just the opposite...I ate more and more to make the pain go away...and now all I am is fatter. The pain is still there.
You are in my prayers...please talk to someone. There are so many things that go through our minds when we are in the new stages of grief...please know that there are people out thre that care about you.

[hunterandbethsmom]

Honey, your grief is still so new....
It will not ever leave, but it will get easier...I promise.
We are all here for you!

[ibarbie]

Hey Debbie- I'd ask your ob/gyn for some ambien. I wouldn't sleep otherwise. It allows me about 5 hours of sleep.

As for other problems that you have had in your past.. yes, I have BTDT and find myself slipping down that path. DH is noticing it even though I try to hide it. My OB/GYN has noticed, too so it is only a matter of time before I have to make a decision to draw away and find a nice dark corner for myself or ask for help, and just try to shy around the edges of the light. I swear I feel like a freaking vampire, only the sun I hide from is hiding my heart and soul.

{{{HUGS}}} Please feel free to e-mail me - or PM or whatever. I can see that we have so very much in common. And, yes it does help you feel control. Isn't that why we chose that path the first time? *sigh*

Oi- I'll stop.