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Post by momtochance on Nov 5, 2005 17:55:41 GMT -5
First of all just wanted to say that I am happy to see that the SG boards are back up and running. How is everyone doing? I can't believe that the end of the year is coming up already. I was wondering how everyone is coping with the holidays coming up? What does everyone plan on doing? I am already getting emotional about the holidays. My husband and I went Christmas shopping for our family and I started having a hard time emotionally. I just wish the emotions would stop. I am tired of feeling down, I want to be happy again. I feel happy at times but it isn't enough. I miss Chance so much . My brother and his wife are going to be coming to see the family next week, he just got back from Iraq and is only here to visit for a week. They are bringing their 7yr old daughter and 1 1/2 yr old son. I don't know if I can handle being around a little one. I am anxious. I just feel like everyone else will have a good Christmas except Brad and I. This was supposed to be a happy time for us but instead we are sad. I try to talk to Brad about my feelings but I think he is tired of hearing them or seeing me sad. I just don't know how to move on, I feel stuck. I have talked to other women online and they seem to be in the same position. I am saddened by the fact that we have to start trying to have a baby again when we just had our beautiful son 3 months ago. We are supposed to be happy and have in our arms. I can't believe that it has already been 3 months. I can just imagine what he would be doing right now. I am still in shock that he is gone, I thought by now that feeling would have been gone by now. I feel so jealous of people who are able to have children so easily because we struggle with this. I guess I am just angry. Sorry to dump this all on you. I am just a little emotional right now. I am thinking about purchasing an ornament each year in rememberance of Chance (I am supposed to buying him little toys but I guess that won't happen).
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Post by andrewsmommy on Nov 6, 2005 8:49:36 GMT -5
You are still very new to the raw grief of your loss. It is okay to feel stuck, we have all had times when we have gotten stuck in our grief. And the holidays are such a big trigger event.
I know you will not believe it now but time does help, maybe not all women but many. I didn't believe it early on but after a year I can honestly say, I still miss my son, but I am getting my life back. I will never be the same but I have come many miles on this journey of grief.
Many dh's don't want to see their wives in pain and crying. They are men they don't know how to handle it. But that's okay because you have us. I found a lot of strength not from dh but from my sg friends. Don't hold it agains your dh that he doesn't know how to cope. He is grieving too.
And trust me, you will not be the only people this effects. My parents had such a hard time at christmas because they missed my son too. And it helpped for all of us to talk about him and cry on christmas day. Christmas sucks and even after I have another child I think it will always have a small sad note, because of first little ones aren't there. But we can remember them (with ornaments) and try to find some happiness. I know for me I decorated the tree last year just so Andrew could crawl to the edge of a cloud and look down on the beautiful twinkle lights. It was still his tree he just has to view it from heaven.
We will be here for you as you face your first holidays (((HUG))) you will not be alone.
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Post by my2angels on Nov 6, 2005 14:04:50 GMT -5
Chantal, I will be right there with you during the painful time of Christmas. I hate thinking about Christmas and thinking about how hard and sad it is going to be....trying to not cry during the whole day, for one. I don't think that they will ever be the same, with or without children in our arms. Thank god, we will have all of our SG sisters to hold our hands through it all! Thinking of you, Cass
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tbear
New Member
Posts: 18
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Post by tbear on Nov 7, 2005 1:42:47 GMT -5
My daughter was stillborn July 15th, so I remember so very well that first christmas without her. I was absolutely shattered. I was about as far away from the loss as you are, so I imagine that I can understand a lot of what you are feeling.
The first christmas I didn't do much other than set up a tiny angel christmas tree full of white lights and 'teardrop angel' ornaments I made from the oriental trading catalogue. I cried a lot and wasn't very good company. But I didn't make apologies for myself and tried to give myself that chance to grieve. SG helped me to stick up for my loss and my grief to people who didn't understand. I'm glad I did, because I think that helped me heal in a healthy way.
This will be my third christmas and it's still hard. Not all the time hard like it was before, but I have my moments. I still set up the tiny angel tree but now I have it decorated with other ornaments I added over the years. I get Rose little presents and then donate them to the womens shelter or to the homeless/sick kids in hospitals.
This holiday season with it's emphasis on a newborn baby boy will be difficult, so just let yourself grieve and get through it however you can.
Much love,
Tiff
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Shar
Full Member
MarieAnne's Angel
Posts: 210
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Post by Shar on Nov 7, 2005 11:54:13 GMT -5
My dearest Chantal, I know how hard Christmas is. Last year Dh and I decided NOT to have Christmas. I made cookies for my family, and that was it. We did go home, but not to celebrate. We needed the comfort. (we're military and live far away from family. This was the first time seeing anyone after loosing MarieAnne in August). To get through it, I kept myself busy. I looked online until I found the most perfect ornament for her. Then I started on a stocking. I couldn't find what I wanted, what I had pictured would be perfect, so I made it. Light pink fleece with white satin lining. I bought her a tiny boyds bear that said 'I love you' and wrote her a 10 page letter. I asked family, if willing, to write a few words to her. It was hard b/c my sister gave birth to my neice less than 4 weeks before MarieAnne was born. So seeing her was very difficult, but I even enjoyed being there for her first christmas. I did have to hide out in the bedroom while everyone was opening gifts. My sister came back to check on me and wanted to look through MarieAnne's scrapbook... I finished all I had to do for her scrapbook before our trip, so that IF anyone wanted to meet her (what little we had to share) they could. My mom wrote MarieAnne a letter and got her a tiny heart charm on a tiny necklace. There were two other charms that were identical to hers and she gave one to me, and kept one for herself. That way we could all 'share' something tangible. This year it's hard for me to get in the mood. I keep trying to get DH to help me put up decorations, or plan on what we'd like to have our house look like. Last year was our first winter in our new home and like I said we didn't really celebrate... So I'm hoping that putting up the tree and getting goodies for DH and the furbabies will help put me more in the mood. Of course I have already picked out the perfect ornament for 2005 and it will hang next to last years ornament. I pray your holiday season is gentle on you. That you don't get too stressed. My advice would be to make Chance apart of your 'Christmas' in anyway you can... that way you're still including him for his first Christmas in heaven. Thinking of you, MarieAnne Elizabeth ~18 August 2004~ Born 5:20 am Died 6:40 am Born at 20weeks 5 days Born too early, gone to fast, But our love is strong, And our memories will last.
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Post by ryansmom on Nov 7, 2005 13:30:06 GMT -5
I have been thinking about Christmas a lot this year...thinking how my son would be two months old by then. My dh and I discussed Christmas this weekend and both of us are not excited about it at all. It just seems more of a pain than a time to have fun this year. I hope this feeling goes away and I can enjoy the Holidays, but right now I don't even want to think about it.
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Post by my2angels on Nov 7, 2005 14:02:38 GMT -5
Wow, guys~ I am really not looking forward to Christmas. I'm sure I have an idea of what it's going to be like, and I'm sure it won't be that bad...but, I can't help but feel it's going to completely suck. Shar, how you described your first Christmas, was absolutely touching! I hope mine is half as good! Cass
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Post by hunterandbethsmom on Nov 7, 2005 18:03:48 GMT -5
This will be our third Christmas withour our son, and our second without our daughter.
I guess we have our own routine by now, since we have been doing it for so long it seems. We do Christmas pretty much like any other family...Josh, Catherine and I go to the tree farm, get the tree and bring it home. Then we decorate it together. Every year, we buy an ornament. Catherine gets one, I get one, and Josh gets one. When we lost Hunter, we started the tradition of buying him one also, and the same when Beth died.
The holidays are hard, but I know that SG was a constant comfort to me...what wonderful friends we have here!
Joy
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