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Post by ibarbie on Nov 2, 2005 11:00:52 GMT -5
Was anyone else scared of going to get their pictures form the hospital? I was so adament about them getting back sooner the hospital actually called and tracked them down. I got the phone call yesterday that they were ready, and I pulled up to the hospitla, and couldn't even go inside! I was a complete mess SO, I attempted again, and 20 minutes later I finally went in. THe lady who brought me down to "the rooM" told me I should get osme ehlp. Excuse me? WHat is it really not right to cry when you pick up your stillborn babies pictures? UGH. So, now once again I am left questioning myself. Did you get pictures form the hospital? Did you cry when you picked them up? Did you look at them. I couldn't. Maybe that is why she said that? begining to think I really am going nuts.
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Post by campbellsmommy on Nov 2, 2005 11:23:30 GMT -5
They didn't take any pictures of my Campbell. It wasn't an option just like so many things over here arn't.
Im sorry that woman was rude to you.
Jess
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Post by andrewsmommy on Nov 2, 2005 11:43:51 GMT -5
I did get Andrew's photo's from the hospital and I teared up when I went to pick them up. My mom actually went with me. I opened then and thought how terriable they were. We had taken some of our own and Andrew looked so much better. The hospital photos must have been taken right away after birth because his face was very red.
I put then away and didn't look at them again for months. Then one day I pulled it out, scanned it and turned it into a black and white photo that I know love the best.
As for the lady at the hospital, she can go jump of a cliff. You are so knew to your loss. Heck the fact you went out into the world, I applaud you. I was still not bathing at that point. Just crying and hiding in my house. You have a long and emotional road ahead of you. Never care what outsiders say. They have no idea what it is like to loss a child. People say some dumb and heartless things. Society never taught them better.
Just know we will be here for you.
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Post by mommy2five on Nov 2, 2005 12:46:10 GMT -5
I did not know that the hospital had taken pictures so it came as a complete surprise when we got the call.
I went by myself and I thought I would be okay, but I started shaking out in the parking lot and was tearing up by the time I got to the door. The nurse who brought me the pictures was also the head of grief counceling for parents of lost babies, so she was very understanding and let me cry all I needed to. I waited to look at the pictures until I was alone and I was really glad that I did since I completely lost it. The nurse actually told me that it might be best if I looked at them alone.
I am so sorry that the woman was rude to you. What you don't need right now is someone else to add to your pain. It is unfortunate that people who have never lost a child tend to put both of their feet into their mouths when they talk. I have learned to just ignore them, they cannot help their ignorance.
Take your time and look at the pictures when you are ready. No one can tell you how to behave right now, you only have to do what is best for you.
(((((hugs)))))
Christina
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Post by cate1975 on Nov 2, 2005 13:18:53 GMT -5
What I realized was that grief is unpredicatable. I'd be strong one minute, a sobbing mess the next, and then in denial just moments later. I hated the feeling of that unpredictability. I felt so out of control after having lost Abigail (total surprise...went in to be induced and she had died in the night before) and then now my emotions and reactions to her death were so impossible to control.
We had pictures taken by a friend of ours who was there at the hospital before I delivered and learned that pictures are good for the parents. She has been doing photography for a hobby and her pictures are our treasures.
The hospital took their own, of course. And when I got them, I hated them. I remember getting them in a folder at one of my follow-up doctor's office visits (had a c-section) and that I didn't look at them right away. I didn't react much because I knew they were going to be there and I was prepared to receive the folder.
I wasn't prepared to see the pictures. They were not as flattering as the pictures our friend took for us. I hid them away for months.
One thing I did do in the earliest stages of grief was to scrapbook. I haven't ever scrapbooked before, but I wanted a special place to put everything that was hers...her foot prints, hand prints, hospital bracelet, sympathy cards... So, I worked through all the pictures our friend took. Very hard. Took me months to get it all done. Then, toward the end of that project, I pulled out the pictures from the hospital and was able to scrapbook those. By that time I was able to be more objective. Now I have three scrapbooks of pictures/memories and one for just cards. I feel like I have all my memories in one place and Abigail's future sisters and brothers (Lord willing) will get to know her as we did.
I saw that you are less than a month out from your loss. I do not even remember the month after our loss. It is a horrible time you are in BUT there will be a day when the clouds clear.
I think the lady you spoke with had no tact at all. I am sorry you felt so isolated and hurt by her comments. Crying when you see your baby's pictures is NORMAL and to be expected.
However, if you haven't already, consider trying some of the things that are out there to aid you in grief. I personally did all of the following and I would do it the same way again: 1. Started an anti-depressant. 2. Joined a grief support group that had a start date and an end date. It was a course, really, where they taught us about how to greive. 3. Read lots of books about grief, where my baby is (heaven)... 4. Got a counselor and we have been seeing her since the loss. We still see her. This was my husband's favorite solution to dealing with greif. She has been a God-send. 5. Spent lots of time on SilentGrief.com and HannahsPrayer.com....
Hang in there girl. You have a hurricane to go through, but the sun will show its face again after a while.
Catherine
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d125
New Member
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Post by d125 on Nov 2, 2005 14:52:15 GMT -5
It's absolutely normal to cry. After all, you're going to the very place (hospital) where one of the most tragic events of your life has recently taken place. And you're going there to pick up pictures of your child that has died! How can you NOT be emotional! The nurse is the one that needs help if she thinks that someone shouldn't be emotional over that!
People that haven't suffered losses can be very cold and thoughtless sometimes. The only pictures my hospital took of my baby was with a digital camera, so they printed the pictures for me that day. So I didn't have to return for pictures but I know first hand how strange people can react to our mourning. I lost one of my twins at 22 weeks in June. I carried both my boys for another 15 weeks and delivered Sep. 28th. For those 15 weeks, I had to continue with my weekly, then biweekly ultrasound appt's as usual. There was not a single visit that I didn't break down and cry like a baby at some point during the appt. Let's just say that I made everyone very uncomfortable at those visits. And my dr. and his dumb nurse would crack jokes during the visits as if everything was going great! He kept insisting that I needed help and referred me to a psychiatrist and had the nerve to tell me she was his drinking buddy!
Then the day of my c-section was another unbelievably emotional as well as terrifying day for me. You can imagine I was just a total and complete wreck that day. After the section, I asked to see my baby and took pictures even though his condition had deteriorated somewhat in those 15 weeks I carried him after his death. Well, I was made out to be a lunatic by some of the staff in l&d. Everyone kept insisting that I needed to seek help and they wrote in my chart that I walked into the hospital in mourning, dressed in black with a black veil over my face! A complete lie!
Well, you can imagine that the hospital psychiatrist and social worker rushed to see me after the c-section because they thought I was crazy! Well, I eventually found out what was written in my chart and got it straightened out, but I still don't know who wrote it. I guess I was a big joke to them.
But I can't really complain because the nurses in maternity were absolutely wonderful and caring towards me for the rest of my hospital stay. But I just wanted to show you how insensitive some people can be to our kind of loss. The sad part is, they'll probably never understand unless they suffer a loss themselves one day.
Go easy on yourself. You're the one reacting appropriately, not the nurse.
Take care, Diane
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Post by mypreciousashley on Nov 3, 2005 0:43:46 GMT -5
I am getting the pictures of my little girl on Friday and not sure how I will handle it. I am scared myself and will let you all know how I am doing. I am glad I found others who chose this also. I am crying right now. this is so painful. Thank you all for helping me see im not a lone
Debbie
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