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Post by april on Nov 1, 2005 20:11:24 GMT -5
 That time has come again! David will be 3 years old this weekend! I am having a very very hard time with it! Going back about a million steps! It's almost as though I am new to this grief! I could just kill myself right now! My body aches and burns for him! I want to hold him just one more time! I want to smell him and kiss him just one more time! I need to feel his body against mine just one more time! This isn't fair at all! Why my baby! I can't stand this! My heart is aching so bad! I have thought it over and over again about ways just to be with David but never brave enough to be with him! I can't believe how overwhelmed with grief I have become! It's almost as though these are my last days with him again! Today exactly three years ago was the last time I saw him alive! We had gone and seen the specialist and David was active beautiful and full of life! And in just two days I will be in the ER wondering where the life of my child went! Frantically begging for help! Only to see on an ultrasound that his tiny life was short lived! And in three days I will be laying in a delivery room going through the hardest labor I could have ever imagined and on the 5th(12:37am) my angel will fly away on wings!! I love you David and miss you horribly!!
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Post by Buckeye on Nov 1, 2005 20:43:02 GMT -5
(((APRIL)))
The anniversaries are so hard. Be gentle with yourself -- it is NOT fair AT ALL. Of course you miss your baby boy. I hope the next few days pass quickly for you....
Jen
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FourSweetPeas
Junior Member
Our Googly legume sweetpants!
Posts: 64
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Post by FourSweetPeas on Nov 1, 2005 21:00:42 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. I wish there was something more I could say to help ease your hurt.
Thinking of you and your sweet David. I know he knows how deeply he is missed and loved.
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Post by kaydensmommy on Nov 1, 2005 21:07:58 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain over David. Anniversaries are so hard to get through no matter how much time has passed. I wish I had the words to makes things better. Be gentle on yourself. ((HUGS))
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Hannah's Mommy
Full Member
Be miserable or be motivated; but always be yourself!
Posts: 471
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Post by Hannah's Mommy on Nov 1, 2005 22:30:24 GMT -5
April,
(((HUGS))) I am so sorry that your are feeling so raw with emotion. Just know that we are thinking of you.
Alea
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Post by my2angels on Nov 1, 2005 23:03:52 GMT -5
I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain...I wish there was something that I could say and take this pain away.  In fact, I wish that I could wave a magic wand over all of us and take this pain and suffering away... I hope that as the days go by, your pain becomes peaceful. I am thinking of you.. HUGS, Cass |
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Shar
Full Member
MarieAnne's Angel
Posts: 210
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Post by Shar on Nov 1, 2005 23:15:30 GMT -5
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Post by hunterandbethsmom on Nov 2, 2005 1:12:00 GMT -5
April, I love ya girl, and you know that I am here for you anytime...Call, email, ANYTHING!
I am sure our boys are up in Heaven really having a fun time...
Joy
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Post by selmasings on Nov 2, 2005 5:20:55 GMT -5
Oh April, I have been thinking about you so much lately knowing that your wee mans birthday was approaching....I am so so sorry that you ache so much for him - I wish that there was something I could do to take the pain away but sadly I cannot. I am always here to lend an ear should you need it though so please feel free to email me if you need to. ((((((( H U G )))))))What we have once enjoyed
and deeply loved we can never lose,
for all that we love deeply
becomes a part of us. - Helen Keller -[/center] Love Vicky xXx |
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Post by Clara Hinton on Nov 2, 2005 19:44:36 GMT -5
Dear April, I'm so very sorry that your grief is so raw once again.  Sometimes it feels like the pain will never end or that it will never feel like it isn't always in the front of our minds and in the center of our hearts. Anniversary dates are so difficult, and it is like reliving the pain all over again. I delivered a little stillborn son many years ago (17), and the other night I had such a vivid dream of the entire pain of losing him. He died when he was 25 weeks (and I knew it), but I didn't deliver him until three weeks later. For those weeks, I felt imaginary kicks, I cradled my stomach and wanted to hold him, knowing that he was already gone. The pain was on a level that I never knew existed. I'm sure that's what you're feeling right now. Please know that somehow, and I don't quite know how it works, the pain eventually does lessen, and the clouds begin to part so that joy begins sifting back into our lives once again. It will happen for you, too. Right now, please continue to share you feelings and allow all of your family and friends to help you through this time of feeling so alone and of wanting to have your precious son with you. My heartfelt prayers are with you. Love, Clara |
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Post by Sara Jane on Nov 2, 2005 21:25:32 GMT -5
(((((((APRIL)))))))) Upholding you before our Lord right now! Praying that He will bring you hope and joy again. It is brave of you to live and to seek to have more children. You are stronger than you think you are.
In Christ,
Sara
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That time has come again! David will be 3 years old this weekend! I am having a very very hard time with it! Going back about a million steps! It's almost as though I am new to this grief! I could just kill myself right now! My body aches and burns for him! I want to hold him just one more time! I want to smell him and kiss him just one more time! I need to feel his body against mine just one more time! This isn't fair at all! Why my baby! I can't stand this! My heart is aching so bad! I have thought it over and over again about ways just to be with David but never brave enough to be with him! I can't believe how overwhelmed with grief I have become! It's almost as though these are my last days with him again! Today exactly three years ago was the last time I saw him alive! We had gone and seen the specialist and David was active beautiful and full of life! And in just two days I will be in the ER wondering where the life of my child went! Frantically begging for help! Only to see on an ultrasound that his tiny life was short lived! And in three days I will be laying in a delivery room going through the hardest labor I could have ever imagined and on the 5th(12:37am) my angel will fly away on wings!! 
In fact, I wish that I could wave a magic wand over all of us and take this pain and suffering away...
Sometimes it feels like the pain will never end or that it will never feel like it isn't always in the front of our minds and in the center of our hearts. Anniversary dates are so difficult, and it is like reliving the pain all over again.