Rachiesmom....

[pamela]

Hi Marilyn:

I read what you said on the Do We Ever Get Over It?post and it describes very much how I feel. You stated "I don't know if we ever get over it, but in a way I don't know if I want to get over it". I think that many of us probably feel that way. I know I do. I am also afarid to let go of my pain. Feeling pain was a very constant emotion I had to feel growing up, so being able to let go of it and fill it with different emotions is very hard for me. I somehow feel the need to feel the pain...its almost what keeps me alive I think.

I remember a few months after losing Michael, my Mother sent me a card and wrote in it that Michael wouldn't want to see me acting this way. I totally disagree with that statement. I know Michael would want me to be sad for him, to grieve him not being here. Unfortunately the pain we carry is a testament for the love of our children.

I just wanted you to know your not alone in feeling this way. others might not understand and try to make you feel guilty for feeling this way. Don't...your "normal"...the new normal. Peace and gentle hugs to you.
((((((((((((((((((((((((marilyn))))))))))))))

Love Pam

[rachiesmom]

Thank you, Pamela, for your reply. It's good to know that I am not alone in my feelings.

It also amazes me that people who are closest to us can say hurtful things. i know that they say such things because they love us and want us to feel better. But it also proves that they do not know our pain.

My brother asked me just the other day, "You wouldn't want her back again, would you? She's better off now."

To which I replied, "There's nothing I want more than to have her back."

He seemed astonished that I would say such things and tried to argue with me. Of course, I wouldn't want her to have to suffer death again, but YES, I would have her back.

They just don't nderstand, and I hope they never have to.

[Corinne]

Marilyn, I can not tell you how many people have told me Tim is better off now. I know they mean "He is better off not suffering" but to me it comes out sounding like "he is better off dead" that just sounds so harsh. I know he is no longer suffering and of course I do not want him back in pain and ill, but I want my son, I want him back and healthy. I know this is what you want to.

We want our children whole again. We want them to grow up and enjoy life like other children do.

[lindac]

(((((((((MARILYN)))))))))))))

I hear "At least he's free of his addiction" but noone understandswhile I don't want my son to suffer with that at least he would be here and maybe could get rid of the adiction through a treatment program. I would have him back in a flash even with all of the problems. I am afraid the only way anyone would understand would be to experience the same thing.

Wishing you peace and comfort.