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Post by Teeny's Mom on Nov 17, 2005 21:53:43 GMT -5
Today at the school where I am student teaching, we had a disaster drill. The students were to get under their desks and take cover as if there was an earthquake. They stayed in this position for at least 5 minutes and then we "pretended" to evacuate to the field. With the alarms going off and the staff pretending to help "injured" students, I really felt like I was going to have a panic attack. (The first anniversary of Allison's death is next Tuesday) I held it together but was surprised that it happened. She died at school but I was not there. I never heard how the exact events played out, but I was told that there were a lot of police, fire, and district supervisors that rushed to the school as they were trying to do CPR on her.
I just wonder if anyone else has had a similar situation.
The 1 year date is so close and I can hardly keep the tears back. I know that the shock and horror will not come back on that day, but I hate thinking about the fact that she has been gone a whole year. Please keep my DH, DD and I in your prayers. We are going to write a little note to Ally, place it in a balloon and tie it to her tree that was planted in the school courtyard. At the end of the day we will send it up to her.
Thanks for listening.
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Post by lindac on Nov 17, 2005 22:11:49 GMT -5
((((((((((((((((CINDEE))))))))))))))))
The one year brings so many emotions swirling around us and the grief waves wash over us with a fury. It is very natural that this drill affected you the way it did. Being a drill where there would be paramedics, police, etc. in the real event plus coupled with yourdear daughter dying at school and then the 1 year around the corner, no wonder it brought you to your knees.
The balloon sounds lovely and Ally will be watching over you all from above.
I will certainly keep you and your family in my prayers in these coming days. May you find some comfort.
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Post by MomofBuilder on Nov 17, 2005 23:41:58 GMT -5
I was called by the Sheriff's dept. who told me Aaron was having some problems and I couldn't understand because he had not been in trouble. Then they said that he was having some problems and "they are working on him. Go to Mercy Hospital and we will meet you there." It was a while before we saw him and that was after the words, "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."
The evening of his funeral day the doorbell rang. We were expecting my daughter's friend. I was near the door so I answered it. Everyone else just froze because I reacted so to what I saw. Two Sheriff's officers stood at the door and asked if I was Carol..... Just seeing them and the car made me come unglued. They were there for a subpoena for something with my job. I told them I could NOT go to court and they said they still had to deliver the subpoena and I could call someone to see if I could get out of it. It was from a different county and they didn't know a number. There was no number on it an they just left me standing there not knowing what to do. It was HORRIBLE so I DO understand your reaction!
Carol
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Post by judiann on Nov 17, 2005 23:49:08 GMT -5
((((((((((((Cindee))))))))))) & ((((((((((((Carol)))))))))))  judiann |
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Post by pamela on Nov 18, 2005 5:51:57 GMT -5
((((((((((((((((Cindee))))))))))))))))),
I am sorry that this happen to you. You are so brave to return to that school, each day to do your teaching.
I am sure the disaster drill brought on thoughts that you weren't ready to deal with at the time.
As you approach the year anniversary of Allie's death you may find yourself wanting to know more about what happened. It took me until the first year to even start making attempts to find out what happen that fateful day... 3years later I still don't know everything, but what I have found out did in some ways allow me to put some of the questions I had to rest.
I love the idea of the balloon tied to the tree for Allie...no doubt she will see it all day then be ready to catch it when you send it to her.
Keeping you in my thoughts...wish you didn't have to feel this pain...but know your sweet Allie has lots of our children looking over her in heaven....
Love Pam
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Post by heartsore on Nov 18, 2005 6:52:36 GMT -5
Cindee - I also can understand how you could be so shaken up by your practice emergency drill . . . too many similarities to the day you lost Allie. I'm sorry. Sometimes the things that take us to our knees are not so easily understood . . . the sadness is there and it hits us sometimes when we least expect it.
Take care of yourself in these coming days. I think the balloon message is a sweet way to observe the day next Tuesday. I wish you peace. Margot
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Post by Corinne on Nov 18, 2005 8:42:38 GMT -5
{{{{Cindee}}}}}}}}}}
Your reaction is justified. A drill like that is likely to scare many who have not even experienced what you have. With Allie's anniversary next week, I am sure this intensified the feeling.
I will be thinking of your family, Cindee. Stay with us, we are here for you
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Post by missingjason on Nov 18, 2005 19:04:33 GMT -5
(((Hugs to all))) I know these triggers are very hurtful. |
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Post by ginamc on Nov 19, 2005 10:45:22 GMT -5
Dear Cindee-you were very strong to keep it together during that whole thing! After my Dad was killed in a car wreck, every time I saw an ambulance flying by or came upon a wreck I would burst into tears. Just the thought of other people suffering and then, of course, memories of my Dad.
The spring after my Kari died, I had to dial 911 again for a bulldozer fire and just the act of dialing started me crying, remembering dialing for her.
You know, there will always be these triggers for all of us, forever. We never know how we will react and it doesn't matter if we cry, if that's what we need to do.
I love your plan to send Ally a balloon-being a nursery person, what kind of tree was planted in her memory?
Stay strong through the upcoming tough days-we will be here if you need us. Love, Gina
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Post by Teeny's Mom on Nov 19, 2005 11:57:51 GMT -5
Gina,
Since it was planted at a school, the district gave me three choices, Magnolia, Orchid tree and something else that I can't remember now. I picked Orchid tree. It is perfect and even has little pick flowers. They placed a plaque on the ground under it.
Thank you, everyone, for reading my post and responding with such comforting words. So many things about me have changed and I am still trying to find the new "normal".
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The 3 Terrors 
