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Post by kenmay on Nov 13, 2005 16:54:41 GMT -5
I just purchased a prepared Thankgiving dinner, Full turkey (precooked) plus all the sides. Our local supermarkets have been doing these for years in fact this is how Deb and I have done it for years.
Tim is angry he said "I told you I do not want to celebrate the hollidays. I wasn't planning anything but have some turkey and watch football. He now isn't even sure he is going to be home. i asked and he said who knows maybe. Geez I am hurting right now. Not sure what these hollidays will hold. Not sure that being the survivor is what I want to be. Don't worry I would never do anything active in that vein just really hurting right now. It is like being punched in the stomach
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Post by ericsmom on Nov 13, 2005 17:07:38 GMT -5
I'm so sorry ((((((((((((((((((((((((Ken)))))))))))))))))))))))). Sometimes no matter what we do, it's still not the right thing to do. My prayers are with you.
Denise
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Post by MomofBuilder on Nov 13, 2005 17:36:53 GMT -5
Ken, I am so sorry that you and Tim are hurting so much. Could it be that to him doing the "usual" meal seems hard to deal with because of all the losses? Maybe you could ask him if there was something the two of you could do together on the holidays that would be completely different from your usual celebrations. It might help both of you to feel a little less desolate. You didn't ask for suggestions so just disregard this one if you want to. I am just trying to help some other human beings on this painful road we are on....
Carol
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Post by missingjason on Nov 13, 2005 17:46:10 GMT -5
(((((Ken))))) Jane wants no holidays either and I didn't want to be still here, but here I sit  I'll have to do the holidays as my family are moving in with me. I bet Tim is hurting just as much as you are. I pray that you and him can talk about things and let each other know your feelings. Ya'll need to draw close during this time, but I know how young people are. Ken, I wish I had something to say to make it all better, but of course I don't. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. |
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Post by kenmay on Nov 13, 2005 18:05:05 GMT -5
Tim and have talked about many options from going out to dinner to going to Niece's house. I knew he wanted no decorations etc. All that I have asked of him is to be around at least for a little bit. I know that this is increadibly hard for him, and he wants no reminders. Hopefully it will work out. I really wan't planning a special meal just some turkey on TV trays and some football. Maybe it will still work out.
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Post by lindac on Nov 13, 2005 18:10:39 GMT -5
((((((((((((KEN))))))))))))
Sometimes others don't understand that we don't want to do the holiday either but we stumble through trying to achieve a sense of normalcy in a situation that will never be normal again. There is sometimes comfort in doing the ordinary things. I am sure Deb would want you to do as you have planned. Tim may still come around. Explain to him that you are not actually celebrating. You aren't inviting a lot of people over, you just want to spend time with your family.
Being a surviver is not an easy task but it is what we face each and every day.
Wishing you comfort.
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Post by missingjason on Nov 13, 2005 20:28:54 GMT -5
Its very difficult this side of heaven. I wish us all a gentle and peaceful time. |
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Post by judiann on Nov 14, 2005 1:13:05 GMT -5
((((((Ken)))))
We have done the "prepared turkey" dinner for years too. My Mom is too ill to be away from her house for long, so it's just been easier on all of us......heat & serve. Plus the added bonus of "leftovers" for weeks!
This has been such a terrible year for both of you & with the holidays looming ahead, it's not going to get easier.
Being the survivor is the hardest part for all of us....with or without big family "todo's" or no family at all.
I can understand Tim's anger & how you feel it's like being punched in the gut. He's lost his Mother & that hurts........but he needs to try & understand the extent & much deeper pain of Your loss........your Love, your Life, your precious Wife Deb, for over 30 years.
Sadly, he won't really "get it" until he has a wife & children of his own.
Hopefully it will work out somehow. I know you didn't ask but.......do what makes the day better for You. If the smells are what bring you comfort & gives you beautiful memories, then cook that turkey & enjoy some football.
I don't think your asking too much of Tim to be around for a while, but if he "wants no reminders"....... I'm sure Pizza Hut is open that day.
I hope I didn't upset you......I know how hard this is for you.
Love to You,
judiann
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Post by pamela on Nov 14, 2005 5:11:47 GMT -5
((((((((((((((((ken))))))))))))))))))))))))),
I know you want to keep things "normal" for Tim, but I can understand why he wants no part of it. I am sure this year just brings to many remenders on how his life used to be. I can understand his anger and hurt in not wanting anything at all to do with the holidays.
I also understand how you need some type of normalcy in your life. Maybe the two of you can decide on a compromise for the day. I wish you luck and also wish you never had to deal with all of this.
I know how it must break your heart to see Tim in pain.
Love pam
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Post by Corinne on Nov 14, 2005 7:58:10 GMT -5
{{{{{{{Ken}}}}}}}}
What a difficult situation. Tim's first holidays without his mom, and your first without your wife, your best friend, your everything. I think your plan of a simple dinner is best. I can understand Tim's reaction but maybe it was an impulse thing for him to say he wouldn't be around. I do hope he agrees to a simple dinner with you.
Ken, if he doesn't, please go to your niece's house. Being totally alone wont be good either. Just go, have dinner and stay as long as you feel you can. I don't want to think of you sitting alone in your house.
Take care
Corinne
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Post by heartsore on Nov 14, 2005 10:32:14 GMT -5
Life is never easy and it can be so unfair. Your and Tim's lives have been turned upside down. I don't have much to add to what other's have said, but I do think Corinne's suggestion of going to your niece's house is a good idea. Best idea would be if Tim decides to just hang out with you and watch football; but if not, you can take some of the sides to contribute to the dinner at your niece's and go home whenever you've had enough of being around others and need some alone time. Take care of yourselves and each other.
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Post by kevinsmom102 on Nov 18, 2005 16:20:42 GMT -5
I must agree. I just lost my only child to murder on 9/3/05 at the age of 17. A bunch of kids were fist fighting, and this kid pulled out a knife and plunged it into my son's chest. He didn't have a chance. I want nothing to do with the holidays either. I don't even want to live anymore not alone worry about the holidays.
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dmf53
Full Member
Posts: 231
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Post by dmf53 on Nov 19, 2005 18:04:05 GMT -5
Ken, I've never been much of one for the holidays, either. This year, the kids have decided to drive to Arkansas to their dad's. They are leaving on Tuesday, and will be home on Sunday. I have such mixed emotions about them going...but naturally I worry. And they worry, also. But nothing can change the fact that he is their father. We have always tried to do different things, since Kit died. Even eating at the table, with the empty chair, has been a struggle. Eating in front of the tv and watching football sounds like a good solution. I wish, I wish, I wish we all had our old lives back.  Kevin'smom, I'm sorry for your loss, also. Dru |
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Post by joan on Nov 20, 2005 10:24:36 GMT -5
Tough one, Ken and disappointing.. We can never predict how another family member will react to a holiday or other event, but we know the are suffering too. Let us know how it works out.
Blessings
Joan
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The 3 Terrors 
