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Margot
Nov 11, 2005 20:44:18 GMT -5
Post by missingjason on Nov 11, 2005 20:44:18 GMT -5
I noticed in another post you said you change your "methods with the wind". I am the same way. My moods change by the minute, the way I feel changes by the minute. I can't remember things like I used to, my mind seems to jump constantly from one thing to the next. I can't stay focused anymore, there is it seems always a 100 thoughts in my head at the same time, making me confused about "what I should do"!! I mean I hold down a job and all, but its whats going on in my head (that everyone else doesn't see I hope!!). Oh well just rambling!! By the way, Ian is such a beautiful boy, I know you are proud.
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Margot
Nov 11, 2005 21:22:56 GMT -5
Post by heartsore on Nov 11, 2005 21:22:56 GMT -5
Oh Jane, it was so nice to see my name on a thread. I just came on one last time before going to bed and saw it. Yes, I do suffer from the same affliction. I have a hard time keeping on track. I also work and I can stay focused then; but when I'm home, it's a different story.
I have so many things to accomplish - things which have been neglected since Ian died. Sometimes I just spin my wheels because I don't know where to start.
I recently did a real thorough cleaning and organizing in my bedroom by working for about an hour or so each morning before work.
Then I realized that I had better get busy raking the leaves outside before the snow falls (up here, it could be April before I'd see them again). But, while raking the leaves, I forgot to put out the trash until I heard the truck coming AND I forgot a dentist appointment too (until I was brushing my teeth). Yikes, sometimes I think I'm losing my marbles.
Take care of yourself. This is not the way we expected our lives to be. I miss Ian so much. He was such a lovebug.I must admit that I have a hard time keeping everyone's story straight and so I went to read about Jason. He was a twin! I am so sorry for you and for Brandon. We all have such sadness . . . it's good to be able to support one another. Take care of yourself.
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Margot
Nov 11, 2005 23:17:34 GMT -5
Post by missingjason on Nov 11, 2005 23:17:34 GMT -5
((((Margot)))) Your story sounds just like mine. I can't get one thing done before I think of something else and on and on it goes till I can't remember anything I was suppose to do! Yes, I lost one of my twins. I still don't understand how that could be. It just doesn't seem possible but it is a fact sadly. Brandon doesn't like to talk about it (man thing I guess and doesn't want to get upset in front of people.) But they were not only brothers but best friends and it truly doesn't seem right. I wish these tragic things hadn't happened to any of us. I know God has a reason but I sure would like to know what it is, 'cause I can't figure it out. But his ways are higher than ours and we just have to trust him because he knows the big picture. Sure is hard sometimes, but I keep struggling on trying to grasp his word to understand more and more. Any of you other girls out there having our problems of brain malfunction?
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Margot
Nov 12, 2005 11:44:50 GMT -5
Post by ericsmom on Nov 12, 2005 11:44:50 GMT -5
All the time. I have decided not to go on any further in college right now, I just can't remember squat. Brian too has dropped several classes. He studies and knows it, but gets to the test and all he can think about is Eric. Brian has always been a "test taker". He was always just an average student, but his tests were always off the charts. His SAT scores were almost "perfect"....and now he struggles. I walk into a room and wonder what I'm there for, and often have to go back the way I came, and re-enter the room to remember, and sometimes I still don't remember. I have a humourous sign on my refrigerator that says "These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter, I go somewhere then I wonder what I'm here after". Sad but true.
I think a tragedy such has befallen all of us changes our brain chemistry and maybe even it's configuration. We literally have to learn to live again, and in adult brains, the learning is tough. This really and truly could be a physical condition to re-learning, the majority of brain synapsis occurs before your second birthday, and as we age the synapsis occurs less and less.
Whatever it is, it is also something we learn to live with in this new normal.
Blessings to you my friends.
Denise
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Margot
Nov 12, 2005 20:19:06 GMT -5
Post by missingjason on Nov 12, 2005 20:19:06 GMT -5
Denise, Your last paragraph, I think your on to something. Could it be that the loss of our child brings on far more than we realized? Totally changing our brain activity? We may not be going crazy after all!! We may be normal for what we have been through!! Won't that surprise all the ones who "Don't have a clue" and don't understand us. We are as normal as they are !!! Thanks for that!!
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Margot
Nov 13, 2005 17:06:42 GMT -5
Post by ericsmom on Nov 13, 2005 17:06:42 GMT -5
I think that is true Jane. I look at so many of us who are on drugs to balance our chemistry (I was in the beginning, but am not now) or run or walk several miles a day (exercise also changes the brains chemistry, that's what adrenalin does). So yes, yes, yes, I think our brains have changed.
Denise
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