thanks for all your comfort - re: my sister

[ethansmom]

Warm hugs to each of you and specially big ones to all those that have responded so kindly to my posts regarding my sister.

My sister lost her only child, age 16, just a little over a year ago to a first time ever asthma attack after running the mile in gym class at school. She hasn't been married to his dad for 14 years so she is alone in a sense.

I have posted many times and each time have gotten such comfort from so many of you.

She is on her 9th day of meltdown/lock-down. My mom and I feel so helpless in what to do for her.

But today, she checked into the hospital, of course being her she didn't tell anyone, we happened to spot her car in the hospital lot after hours.

So now I am here once again for your comfort and words. Has anyone tried or needed hospitalization after the loss of their child? And if you would share with me pros and cons of doing so. We know we can't expect this to work a miracle on her state of being but we have no idea what to think about it at all.

Thanks again so much for helping me understand how to better be there for my sister.

Hugs to you and your angels.
Julie K in Minnesota
Mom to Ian and his angel twin Ethan (TTTS 2001)

[judiann]

Julie,

The day my only son died, I went to the hospital because of chest pains & stayed for 3 days. It probably saved my life, but then I didn't care.......my heart was crushed, I was destroyed. All I did was cry.......couldn't sleep, eat or function at all, some due to the nice,"fuzzy" drugs, but mostly, my heart "died" with my son......the amazing staff pulled me through my worst nightmare......there was always someone there to comfort me, hold my hand, cry with me, help me. No one told me how I Should do this....they were just there.

I did not go to my son's funeral......he lived in St.Louis, I live in Fla., but his two sisters & my son-in-law were there, for them & for me too. My doctor would not release me, but I know I would not have survived his funeral.

You truly are helpless in so many ways......it's up to her.

It seems that you have been very loving & supportive, but if you push too hard, she will just back away even more.
I think it's a positive sign that she went to the hospital........she knows she can't do this alone & she needs help. Many times, strangers know how to help us better than our family's do.
For now???......just wait. See what tomorrow brings??

I hope I have been of some help,

Love,

judiann

[heartsore]

Julie - I think it's a very good sign that she checked herself into a hospital. I think it indicates that she's CHOOSING to ask for help and hasn't completely given up on life.

I wept reading this because I feel so sad for your sister. My surviving children are probably the ONLY reason I continue to get up every day. My heart aches for your sister. I know of others who have lost their only children. I hope that somehow she will find a way to honor his memory and to continue . . . maybe she will become an advocate for more research on asthma or become a big sister to a child in need. I only know that she needs to find a reason to keep getting up everyday and right now, she can't find one.

Please keep us posted on future developments. It really is entirely up to her and there's little if nothing that you can do for her. Sorry.

[pamela]

Dear Julie,

You must be so very proud of your sister for taking such a proactive action for herself. I am so glad she made this choice on her own.

Julie after the one year anniversary of Michaels death I had a breakdown, I didn't want to live any longer, my T at the time said she was forcing me to go to the hospital for a evaluation and if I refused she would have me arrested. I was terrified, I went...thinking I would just go and get it over with they would see I was "ok" and they would let me go. That didn't happen they heard "my story" and said I was being admitted to the temp psch ward, if I didn't agree they would take me there in a strait jacket. I had no choice, there I was by myelf, I had never called my family to tell them I was headed to the hospital as I didn't think I would have to stay. At 12 am I was forced to call my family and tell them I was at the hopsital and they wouldn't let me go. To this day I am still traumatized by the events that took place that night.

I was put in a room and basically left there, a psychiatrist who I couldn't even barely understand asked me "your not over your sons death yet?"

I had to stay there for two days, yes my immediate family was allowed, having my surviving children see my like that was horrible. I talked the talk they wanted and after two days they let me go, made me promise I would make an appt with a new T they gave me, the old one said she couldn't treat me anymore.

So Judy after my experience I guess I am a little leary of the whole hospital thing so please make sure you are ready to advocate for your sister if she needs it.

They should be providing her with counseling, they will probably want to put her on some meds, these will take a while to work and may need to be changed or adjusted.

Though my experience was not a good one, that doesn't mean your sisters doesn't have to be. The one positive thing out of my whole experience is that I met my new T, the one I currently see.

I wish you luck Julie, will you pleasecome and give us an update as to how things progress? maybe after your sister comes out she will be willing to give our support group a try, being in the hospital is not the best place to be...but coming out to the reality of this cruel world can be even harder. I know I don't have to tell you how much support your sister will need afterwards.

You take care Julie....wish I had a siter as caring and as loving as you....

Pam

[MomofBuilder]

The hospital experience can be a good one for some and not so good for others. The one thing it does is keep a suicidal person alive while they are there. She may have gone as far by herself as she could and going to the hospital will buy her some time...time to think of things in a different light maybe. Time to get started on meds that can help her feel just a bit better and think a bit more clearly of her future. It doesn't have to be a pleasant experience for her to learn from it or for it to help her to survive. Nothing is pleasant for her right now, anyway.

It is wonderful that she has you caring for her even though right now she is pushing you away.

Carol

[ericsmom]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Julie))))))))))))))))))))). It must be just awful to be a bystander to all of this. I too think it is a good sign for your sister's future that she went to the hospital. I will be praying for a positive experience for her.

Denise

[Corinne]

I do not have any experience with this but I do agree that it is a positive sign that she is seeking help. She is now admitting that she needs help. Julie, you are such a wonderful sister to reach out this way for her. She does appreciate it, someday she will let you know.

Keep us updated