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Post by ginamc on Nov 4, 2005 17:48:07 GMT -5
Hi all. Needed to get this off my chest. I took a few days off a couple weeks ago because I was feeling so down. Cried a lot, slept a lot, ate a lot. When I went back to work, my co-worker with whom I have worked side by side for 5 years, couldn't understand why I had needed to do those things. I told her that despite what I may look like on the outside, on the inside I'm quite devastated and think of Kari constantly (yes, even though it's been 1 1/2 years!). She was blown away! She said she had no idea I still felt that way! Amazing, huh? People really are clueless. I told her I was FOREVER changed and that I would always mourn Kari. She was dumbfounded. Another quick story-a woman I know has her own business. Her main employee found his girlfriend dead by hanging herself. He took two weeks off and she thought he would be fine. He needed more time off and she couldn't understand it!! How lucky are these people that don't understand grief! Just wish they would make an effort to accept ours...Love to you all, Gina ps.thanks for reading my ramble-feeling frustrated today
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ilise
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by ilise on Nov 4, 2005 18:55:58 GMT -5
I think that I experience one of these clueless moments at least once each day. Unbelievable.
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dianan
New Member
our three beautiful children
Posts: 15
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Post by dianan on Nov 4, 2005 18:57:58 GMT -5
It is amazing how clueless so many people are. I remind these folks how fortunate they are not to have known the pain that we share. diana
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Post by missingjason on Nov 4, 2005 20:00:28 GMT -5
Clueless, is so true, they will never understand unless it happens to them. And I guess I will confess something here I've never told anyone. I know its simply awful of me but sometimes with people who truly seem to have no compassion, I actually find myself wishing it WOULD happen to them. I know, shameful of me but sometimes I can't help it, it truly does hurt the way some people seem to be so indifferent of us and actually don't even want to be around us because we are so "depressing" now!! (((Hugs to everyone here))) We all need'em!!
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Post by Teeny's Mom on Nov 4, 2005 22:21:18 GMT -5
Yep, I have been amazed how clueless some of my (what I considered )close friends have been with regards to my grief. Yet, just when I had lost hope, this wonderful woman approached me yesterday and told me the most magnificent story about how she had seen Ally in the doorway of the classroom the day before she died. She said she saw a radiance around Ally that she had never seen before. She said it was a sad kind of radiance but joyful at the same time. She said didn't think much about it at the time until she heard that Ally died the next day. Now, she thinks that she saw Ally's angels around her as she was preparing to enter heaven. She thinks that Ally knew, somehow, and was sad to leave. A touching story from a woman I had never met until yesterday. So... the clueless are clueless and too bad for them. We know the depths of our grief AND the magnificance of the place all of our children are in. I shake me head in amazement of how clueless the clueless are. I don't think it is bad to wish that they experience REAL life like we have. They don't know what we go through every minute of every day. They should never judge. I will be asking , "Why me, why us?" until I find the answers. Let me know if any of you know. Until then, we have each other. Thank you - all of you... and thank you SG.
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Post by ericsmom on Nov 4, 2005 22:41:18 GMT -5
I want to share this with all of you. As some of you know, Eric's best friend is in jail awaiting trial for killing him. A few weeks ago, this boy's mom told me how sad she was that the jail was so overcrowded and she only got to "see him 45 minutes" twice a week. I was dumbfounded that she could make such a remark to me.........yet I understood that she was a mom missing her son, but what each of us wouldn't give to spend 45 minutes with our children. That's what I wanted to say to her....I want 45 minutes with my son, but I said nothing, I just walked away. Sometimes that's all we can do, is nothing.
Bless you all.
Denise
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Post by missingjason on Nov 4, 2005 23:48:08 GMT -5
Cindee, what a wonderful story for that lady to tell you, I bet its true!!
Denise, what we would give for 45 min is right. How do you handle this, I take it you stay in contact with this boy's mom? And how did he kill Eric?
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Post by pamela on Nov 5, 2005 0:37:02 GMT -5
Hi Gina,
Nice to see you here. I am sorry that people are so clueless. They just don't understand. They see us doing pretty well and just assume that we are ok...they will never understand how deeply we grieve daily.
I think it makes those around us feel better if they think we are ok and they don't have to coddle us.
Here we all know better. Don't be a stranger Gina.
Love to you,
Pam
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Post by ericsmom on Nov 5, 2005 9:41:51 GMT -5
He slipped a methodone wafer into Eric's Mountain Dew soda....Eric hadn't been feeling well, and he wanted to make him feel better. (Eric had never taken any type of ingested drug before this). The really sad thing is, is that he knew that Eric had a bad reaction to the drug, and he dropped him off here, carried him to bed and then went home. If he had told us, or taken Eric to the hospital, they could have given him a drug that may have saved his life. Yes, I still have contact with this boy's mom....before this, they were one of our best friends. This boy and Eric had been best friends since first grade....he called me 'mom', ate dinner here, slept over many, many nights, went on vacation with us, he and Eric worked together. I wish I could tell you that I hate him, but I don't....I have loved him his whole life, but I do hate what he did, and then lied about it for 20 months, etc. When all of this is said and done, and the Grand Jury trail is finished, I will tell all of you the whole story....even right now, I only know bits and pieces, and won't know the rest until this is all over, which may still be another 2-5 yrs. Until he is found guilty, they won't tell us the whole story, as they are afraid to give the defense any ammunition to use in court. It will be 2 years in 6 weeks, and I still have never seen an autopsy report on my son, nor do we have a permanent death certificate.........cause of death is still "pending".
We just feel like the wheels are spinning and we are going no where. You all know only too well that feeling.
Bless you all.
Denise
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Post by Corinne on Nov 5, 2005 10:07:16 GMT -5
Gina...these words said it all "How lucky are these people that don't understand grief!"
They do not have a clue and they are lucky...I hope they never have to find out
Glad to see you back Gina, I'll email you and fill you in on the goings on with me. Thanks for asking
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Post by lindac on Nov 5, 2005 11:24:28 GMT -5
((((((Gina))))))))
I am glad you took the time you needed to deal with things. People are clueless, very true. We were once clueless also. People don't really mean they are surprised we are still feeling the same way. They mean it differently. They think we aren't quite as mired in grief because they don't understand just how a parent feels. never in their wildest imaginings could they understand grief unless they deal with it first hand. I pray that they do remain clueless. Noone should have to walk where we do. At least here we walk together. There is strength when we are surrounded by others who understand the journey.
Wishing you comfort.
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Post by missingjason on Nov 5, 2005 16:35:19 GMT -5
(((Denise))) What an ordeal for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Post by judiann on Nov 5, 2005 21:45:24 GMT -5
((((((Gina)))))
It's good to see you back again. I hope those few days off helped some. Crying a lot, eating some & hardly sleeping is what my days have been lately. Since I am such a "loner" the only truly Clueless people I have to deal with are my parents. Sometimes I can't believe some of the things they say to me. Yes, it's been just over 1 1/2 years, but I am so completely crushed & devastated on the inside & it shows on the outside too. I guess they just can't or don't want to see it. Total strangers have been kinder. I've had to distance myself from both of them......I hate doing it, because of their health.......but I can't let them destroy what little there is left of me.
(((((Jane))))) Don't feel bad......I've had the same thoughts go thru my mind too. My mom tells me "I know just how you feel".....I want to scream at her that Your Only Child is standing right in front of you! How can you Know?? Theres been times I wished I could die......maybe then she WOULD know how it really feels. But, I doubt it would make any difference.....she'd just say I was in a better place & not suffering anymore.
I can't imagine anyone here has ever been totally "clueless"...... truly compassionate people rarely are.
Love,
judiann
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Post by missingjason on Nov 5, 2005 21:51:50 GMT -5
Judiann, so glad I'm not alone (((Hugs)))
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Post by Dougsmom on Nov 6, 2005 11:06:26 GMT -5
Gina,
People really are clueless, as we once were ourselves. I can only hope I was more compasionate to others in this club before me than some people are to me now. 12/2 will be three years since I saw my beautiful son. I still wonder, How can this be?
:(Leslie
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