|
Post by pd2004 on Nov 3, 2005 13:44:32 GMT -5
We are nearing the first anniversary of our oldest son's death. A year that has gone by so fast - yet so slow.
Our lives have been changed. Our ability to cope with the ups-and-downs of life has been lost. A return to normal is not possible. The happiness we knew before November 24, 2004 cannot be recaptured - perhaps we were not that happy - we just did not know how much worse it could get. The future holds no promise of happiness as the emptiness that we endure will be with us for the rest of our lives.
I have had a number of friends in my life who lost children and I never understood the impact it had on their lives. There is no comfort that can be given for the loss cannot be undone. You cannot have a "do-over".
The things I should have done; the things I should have said; they will now have to wait an eternity. The smiling face that was my son's trademark is no more. The graveside visits and the tears provide no comfort or release as the hole in our hearts will be there for evermore.
The facade that we live lets others say "you're doing so well'. It gives them comfort to not have to dwell in the grief that is ours and ours alone. It is not their fault - they don't know what our life is like - and I hope they never get to find out.
There is no answer to the above. It is not posted for your sympathy. It is only the rambling thoughts of a father who passes through each day waiting for the next, knowing that it will be the same.
Thanks for listening.
|
|
|
Post by Corinne on Nov 3, 2005 13:51:12 GMT -5
{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}} Hugs to you
You have stated many things that we have all come to find out. No one that has not lost a child can possibly comprehend what we feel. Most do think we have "gone on" with our lives. We put up a front because we do not want to make others feel bad, or make them feel as though they have to offer sympathy. The truth is, it hurts, we grieve forever. The pain will never go away. That is the reason I come to SG, here I can say what I feel and hopefully offer some comfort to others who are feeling low.
How old was your son? What was his name? Come back and share more when you are ready. I care.
|
|
|
Post by ericsmom on Nov 3, 2005 14:00:57 GMT -5
You are in the right place with those of us who know where you are and what you are going through. Do not be afraid to lean on us. We know all about the facade of "doing well" and how we are really doing. This is one place where you can let that wall down and be with people who know how hard this "new normal" truly is.
God Bless You.
Denise
|
|
|
Post by MomofBuilder on Nov 3, 2005 14:35:49 GMT -5
Our son died the same day that yours did. I am so sorry that you know the pain of a broken heart. The only hope I have is that we will one day see our son again in Heaven. If I didn't have that I could not still be here. The pain is so great. Carol
|
|
|
Post by mom5265 on Nov 3, 2005 16:40:03 GMT -5
I know you said no reply needed but I wanted you to know I care too. My son died Nov 27,2003. I know the emptiness you speak of and the lost moments. I have no "magic words" for you, unfortunately. Just know you have ALOT of support on this site.
|
|
|
Post by pamela on Nov 3, 2005 17:08:09 GMT -5
(((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))), more hugs to you. I am glad that you found us. I read your post on the share Your Child with Us post. Thank you for sharing a little bit about your son with us. I am very, very sorry for your loss and the ache in your heart.
I understand every single word you wrote. Your right a return to the old normal is not possible. Many of us find ourselves living the new normal which is the daily reminder that our children are forever gone from this earth, but thought of daily.
I will be keeping you in my thoughts as you approach his first angel day. I understand your need to remain private, that is fine here. Just know that we are here for you whenever you might need us. Please take care of yourself. Your grief touches my heart deeply...
Peace to you, Pam
|
|
|
Post by Teeny's Mom on Nov 3, 2005 18:37:48 GMT -5
You wrote exactly what I have been thinking. The first anniversary of my Ally's death is 11/22. Just two days before your son's. The tears are back and each day I am fighting harder to keep them from overtaking me. Thank you for writing your thoughts. I am so sorry that anyone has to go through this. We can understand the depths of each other's pain and emptyness. Thank goodness for the support here. I will keep you in my thoughts as your day approaches.
|
|
ilise
New Member
Posts: 5
|
Post by ilise on Nov 4, 2005 9:02:01 GMT -5
You are not alone in the way you feel. I know that you have expressed all of MY emotions. You are a little further along in the journey than I am, but I already dread the first anniversary, and I am only a month away from his birthday.
I wish us all peace and the strength to find it.
|
|
|
Post by missingjason on Nov 4, 2005 16:59:38 GMT -5
pd2004, Boy you got all that right, perfectly said for all of us. Sad but true. But we can now only hope for the eternity God has planned for us and then we will be with our children forever and ever.
|
|
|
Post by pd2004 on Nov 7, 2005 11:26:12 GMT -5
I have had days when I thought that I was dealing with this pretty well. Accepting the loss, seeing the hand of God in all of life, and finding comfort in these things. It is gone. As the first anniiversayry nears I find myself waking each day with a fear for what the day will bring and looking forward to going to sleep, when you do not have to think of the misery that has become your life. This is no way to live, yet the door to escape it seems to be lost in a fog. It is so difficult to accept the emotions, yet I am unable and unwilling to share these thoughts with anyone, perhaps this is the curse of feeling like you are losing control, even though it was lost almost a year ago - I just don't see it yet. It seems so much easier to bury the thoughts and hope for a better day tomorow - what is that definition of insanity - contuially doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - yes I am sure that I qualify. As we have met with a counseler and minister over the past year I have come to the conclusion that no one can understand the depth of this loss, regardless of thier training or credentials. They have the best of intentions, they try to give you strategies to alleviate the pain, they do not really know the pain they are dealing with. I think Jesus said it best "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that is, "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?"s www.carm.org/kjv/Matt/matt_27.htm#32
|
|
|
Post by heartsore on Nov 7, 2005 11:50:11 GMT -5
The only people who truly "get it" have suffered the loss of a child. No one else is capable of understanding, or truly knowing the depth of pain we feel.
I also went to a grief counselor. She meant well and tried to help, but there is no "fixing" this - no cure for this pain. We are the "walking wounded" who appear whole on the outside, but our wounds are internal and we need to bear the pain. Thank goodness the people here understand that pain for which there is no cure.
|
|
|
Post by Corinne on Nov 7, 2005 13:08:57 GMT -5
There is something about approaching the 1st anniversary that bothers all of us. The end of all the 1sts..and on to the 2nd year. It seems so long, it seems like forever since we have last seen our children. I think it is something that is difficult for most to understand, because for them it is just another day. They do not realize that the smells in the air, the heat or the cold triggers that pain all over for us.
I have never found anyone who truly understands except for someone who has walked in my shoes. That is why I find comfort here at SG. Here, everyone knows the feelings.
|
|
|
Post by MomofBuilder on Nov 7, 2005 13:34:54 GMT -5
These blue sky days prompt people to say, "isn't is a beautiful day?" It IS but I am instantly reminded that no matter the beauty of the day ,we don't know what it brings. Aaron died on a beautiful fall day. Feeling fall is feeling like I am losing him all over again. Remembering things that happened, things that people said, etc. makes it all feel new again. I know God is in control and He knows what He is doing and He is taking the best possible care of Aaron. Nevetheless the sadness I feel takes my breath away. Carol
|
|
|
Post by ericsmom on Nov 7, 2005 15:49:34 GMT -5
I will be thinking of you on your "first anniversary".
Denise
|
|
|
Post by loveyounich on Nov 8, 2005 5:29:21 GMT -5
Our son was killed by insurgents in Afghanistan 6 months ago today. It was Mother's Day and the chaplain and gunnery sergeant came to our door at 8:57PM. I will never forget turning the corner to our foyer and seeing the shadows of their uniforms. It is comforting to have a place to come to where people can share their true feelings and other people truly understand. Thank you all for your care and courage.
|
|