about siggys, avatars, and images...

[ladylost]

Heidi,

I don't think Becca meant to step on anyones toes here with her suggestion to Clara. What I am seeing is these tickers/siggys is that while most people enjoy seeing them, to others they are a too much to handle. Both sides have good arguments.

If you take a look at some of the anti ticker/siggy people you'll see these are very hurtful to them. Why should they have to block anyone on a support message board? They came here for support clearly their expectations are not being met when said tickers/siggys are making them uncomfortable and sad.

The pro ticker/siggy people feel (yes, I have a ticker myself) that we are scared to death to be in this position and while we try to remain positive we want to share our joy with others. Why should we hide who we are and what we accomplish? Not to mention we need the extra support. While it gives others, like yourself, hope.

I think Becca's suggestion was well thought out. Her "compromise" IS NOT set in stone. Heck, it might not even be possible. It's simply an idea that *may* work. Of course the decision is up to Clara. I'm pretty certain Becca understood that which is why she sent in her suggestion.

Tess on the other handed offered up the easiest solution to everyone's problem(directions on how-to included) less work for Clara and Joe and those that are bothered by these tickers/siggys will no longer have to face the challenge of looking at them.

We are here for support for people that have lost their children. Not to argue over suggestions or idea's of others. Can't we all just get along and let this go until Clara speaks on this subject?

[IslandMommy]

I think what Heidi and Mindie meant, Ladylost, is that we get the feeling that know matter what we do, whether post pictures, avatars, or forget to put something in the title of our posts, sometimes we feel as if we're always offending somebody. We don't want to feel as if we're walking on eggshells anymore. This is supposed to be a safe place for all of us....including those of us who have things to celebrate.

Hugs to everyone...

and I'm sorry, Clara! Thanks again for helping us through all of this. We love you!

[mistygrl70]

LadyLost

Blocking the tickers/avvies/images doesn't block "people" .. just the ability to see them in the post. You can still see someones post. You just won't see the tickers and such that they are using.

Best wishes,

[tbear]

It's not something to debate, just something for each person to think about and make a personal decision about.

Becca, I totally agree. Which is why I'm not sure why you keep trying to make everyone's decisions for them by emailing Clara to change things and make other things happen by default and generally whining about options that you may have a problem with but that others don't.

I'm really having a hard time with the fact that a very vocal minority is begining to shape SG into a place that I'm not comfortable being. A few vocal people that continue to email Clara about things that to me are non-issues. I mean, come on...exalt/smite? these avatars? Those are personal decisions to use or not use that are being taken away because some people are unhappy with them.

It's to the point where I have to insulate myself to boards other than MAM or poutpouri so I stick to supporting people which is always the spirit that is in the individual loss boards.

[melly-mel]

You know, I didnt notice this in the old boards, but I am now. There are certain people (no one in general), I suppose Im one of them 90% of the time, who dont use this board as a support board anymore. Personally, except for specific days, I am not in the deep sea of grief that I once was. I still try to offer support, be a shoulder when needed and give advice when its asked for (MAM gets more requests for "whats the best..." than other boards), but for the most part, this is where I come to stay in contact with friends Ive made from SG.

That being said, I have no problems with siggy's/pics/tickers. I never had a problem with siggys, unless they were a mile long...thats the only time I noticed them. Even here, I dont even see the avatars or extra stuff. I know where the post is and thats what I see. Im not saying that everyone else is the same. But the option is there to turn off the extras.

This board will NEVER be perfect. There is always going to be something that bothers someone. Sometimes that something is a someone, but no matter which grief support site you go to, this will be the case. Sadly, this is the INTERNET! We cant pick and choose who or what we come into contact with here.

Lastly, Becca, although it was a good thought, I dont know that having the extras off at the time of registration is the answer, either. It might, then, look like this board is impersonal. The pics/siggys make each person an individual. If there is a way to make it known at the time of registration, that it is an option to turn it off, that might work better.

[prettyfeet83]

quote by Tbear:
"I'm really having a hard time with the fact that a very vocal minority is begining to shape SG into a place that I'm not comfortable being."

Exactly what I was referring to Tiff. It's beginning to annoy me to the extreame. If Clara wanted police officers or a board of directors or a PR person for the board, she would have made some.


We can please some of the people some of the time, but never please all of the people all of the time.

Please remember that when you're on the internet.

[Teri]

Okay, I usually stay out of these things but I'm just gonna say this and you all can stone me later.

First, Becca wasn't telling Clara what to do. She was offering a suggestion. That's it. Clara even mentioned that she was getting lots of suggestions via e-mail, so Becca's not the only one that's offering up suggestions regarding the new boards.

Second, I know that I for one, am no longer in the h*ll that was once my grief. Yes, it's a loss, yes I still think about it, but it's not that awful pit of h*ll that I was in three years ago. I can however remember what that felt like. I can also remember all the posts where we talked about how painful it was to see a pregnant woman and how we longed ourselves to be pregnant or holding the babies that we lost. For a woman to be in the middle of that kind of deep dispair, and to see an image with a baby, or a ticker with a growing fetus (this probably would have upset me the most back then), I do think it would be painful. And this IS supposed to be a safe place.

On the other hand, I think it's wonderful that we are celebrating so many new babies and births and birthdays, etc. And I don't want that to change. But a woman suffering from a recent loss doesn't have to read about such things so long as she doesn't visit the PAM or MAM board. Whereas images appear by simply posting to such a woman on the board that she does belong to, like MTOM or IHAM.

I for one thing that either having the option to not include signatures in a reply or having a default to no images at registration is a good idea.

(Running to avoid the stoning I'm sure to receive...)

[Clara Hinton]

Dear SG Family,

I have read and re-read all of the posts in this thread, and this one is a bit difficult because I think everyone that posted has some valid concerns.

Right now, I'm going to leave the siggy, avatars, and images as is because you do all have that option to turn off your ability to view.

I am going to ask Joe if there is a way to place a notice of some sort that everyone can read as a reminder that this is an option. (Can you tell that I'm new to all of the added functions, too? ) Joe is quite busy with many other administrative duties of these boards, so I'm not going to place this as a number one priority this week. Joe has patiently been walking me through all of the new admin functions. These boards are set up a lot differently, so your Cyber Mom has a lot of learning to do!

For the most part, this was a good, open discussion about some very valid concerns. I am keeping this topic closed, though, because I think that the points for and against the siggy's and avatars has been made, and from this time forward all we would do is go over the same points again and again.

Thanks for you patience while we work through some of the problems and challenges that go with the growing pains of adjusting to a new home environment.

Love,
Clara