My mom, very sad

[becca]

My mother is moving to a new nursing home due to her behavior and psychiatric issues. When she was diagnosed with MS, the brain tumor, and general stroke-related brain damage, I used every resource and contact I had to get her into the best facility in their town (small, lots of nurses, Christian, good reputation, homey feel, etc.). Well, she had been cussing out the nurses, throwing things, unmanageable, totally unable to be negotiated with. If you try to say anything except what she wants to hear, she throws things at you ... even me. She hung up on me last night over something very silly and basic. So, while she was going to get to stay at the original home until after Thanksgiving, she will have to move today.

On top of it all, her family (her sister in particular) is "siding" with her on the main issue she complains about (a medical issue in which the nurses are following medical protocol with mom's POAs' support). She believes anything my mother says and never double checks with the nurses to get the rest of the story. Last night, she (my aunt) almost got arrested because she was screaming obscenities and throwing things at the nurses right along with my mother. I know she is just grieved that my mother is in such a condition, but ... oh I just dont' know what to do with either one of them. My aunt even accused my dad of not loving my mom EVER, to which my dad promptly responded that last night was the last time the two of them would ever speak ... and I believe he will stick to that.

At the new facility, we can't take the children to see her (except Elizabeth in my arms at all times) until they get her behaviors under control. Sadly, I think it will take sedating her to get her under control.

I think about the book Tuesdays with Morrie and get very upset that my mother can't find a smidgen of joy despite her situation ... not one smidgen. She is full of rage and hate and shares that with everyone who comes near her.

Please pray for us all as we move her today. We are going to the old nursing home for Thanksgiving dinner, then we will move her in the afternoon .... then we will tell her sister/my aunt that we have moved her. God help us all today.

[jillgibson]

I worked in a nursing home when I was in high school. Unfourtunately, the anger and agression you described is quite common. It is very difficult for the family to deal with. I will be keeping your family in my prayers during this difficult time.

[Corinne]

{{{{{{{{Becca}}}}}}}}

My heart aches for you and what your family is going through. It is so so difficult to watch our parents behaving in ways we could never imagine.

I do not have a lot of experience with elderly nursing homes. My dad was in one for just 2 weeks when he was dying. He hated it. He did not throw things, but he was downright cruel to the staff with his words. Nothing was good enough for him. The food was awful, it was too hot, too cold or whatever.....We tried so hard to make him comfortable. I brought Tim's TV to him (Tim died 3 months prior) we brought him movies, books anything we could think of. He just was not happy. He did not want to be there. We did end up bringing him home for his last week of life.

Becca, I do know how exhausting and trying it is. She really does not mean what she says or does. I wish I had some magic words of wisdom for you. I do pray something changes.

[thankful heart]

I'll be praying for you, Becca. Certainly so hard...I've been learning a lot about nursing homes and trying to help cheer Grandma. I pray that her move goes well and that she finds joy from within despite the difficult circumstances. Probably just a stage of grief as you mentioned but still very sad to see happening...

Prayers,
Heather Anne

[LauraBeth]

Becca....

You and your family have my prayers and my (((HUGS))).

In Him,
Laura

[Clara Hinton]

Becca,

Just reading your post has really brought home the fact that there are so many different kinds of grief issues that we must deal with each and every day.

I am so very sorry to hear of all of the upsets going on in your family right now. Watching a loved one lose the ability to live independently is never easy. And, this so often becomes a point of lots of family turmoil as we watch drastic changes within our family life.

I'm praying that you are able to get your mom moved without a lot of fighting and upsets, Becca.

Many, many ((((hugs)))) as you work through this difficult time.

Love and prayers,
Clara

[Freedom]

(((((Becca)))))

I am so sorry that all of this is happening w/ your mom. This has got to be so hard for you and your family. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Tonya

[lindac]

(((((((((BECCA)))))))))

I am so sorry that your mom is having to be moved. It is so hard to go from being the child to being the parent and as parents age hard decisions have to be made. Your mom is unconsciously or consciously fighting the infirmities of age, is railing out at the injustices, not you. She of course wants to be in her own home but we know that isn't always possible. I remember when my grandmother on my father's side moved in with my parents. They finally had to make the painful decision to put her in a nursing home as she became a danger, kitchen almost caught on fire more than one time. she would do things deliberate to drive my mother batty.

It is so very hard for everyone involved. I am praying that you can have a peaceful day and that the transfer to the new home will go gently. It is a lot to deal with.

Holding you in my prayers.

[wuvmyangel93]

So Sorry about your mum's situation and I pray all will be okay and the new home will treat her with Christian kindness and respect.

[mrclshpn2]

Becca,

I am so sorry, I will be praying for your mom and your family. Please take care.

Hugs,
Jen

[becca]

The move went better than I had expected. Thank you all for your prayers. Caring for a parent is a trying experience that I never thought I would have to do while so young.

Thank you again for your support,

Becca

[mommyof3angels]

I am sorry. {{{HUGS}}} My sister works in a nursing home.