Post by myheart on Dec 27, 2005 1:31:00 GMT -5
Well it's finally over....I so very glad and so very sad. I thought of you all on Christmas eve and Christmas day. I worked part day on Christmas eve...I can't believe how painful a holiday that use to bring me so much joy brought me. At the idea of another 'poster' I bought a Christmas balloon, wrote a note and released it. I wrote a whole page letter first but it wouldn't fly, so I was forced to write a small note. On Christmas I went to two different movies, at two different movie theater's and broke down at Star bucks. I did by one Christmas gift, a BIG teddy bear, soft as cashmere, for him. It was so expensive, so I felt a little silly, but I've been looking at this teddy bear for a year and he loves teddy bears. I just hate myself for not buying it when he could enjoy it. My heart hurts so much. I never missed or loved anyone in my life as much as I love him. I prayed that a Christmas miracle would come my way, I would wake up and this was a bad dream. No miracle. I don't believe in wishes, prayers or miracles anymore. I thought about how you all were going through the same pain. I was just telling someone today about how unfair it is that we have to experience this in our lifetime. This is the worst I will ever feel, and it's forever. I hate that I can't fix this. I hope every night that this is my last time I have to fall asleep. I hope that I never wake up. I'm still here. I hope you all are as well as you can be. Tomorrow we get through another day..
