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myheart
Dec 16, 2005 23:11:35 GMT -5
Post by myheart on Dec 16, 2005 23:11:35 GMT -5
I kept thinking today about what it would be to describe our loss. I thought, it's like losing half of yourself, or it's like you are completely empty, etc. It hit me after a while, "its like trying to live, when everything you have lived for is gone". I hate that people think if your not outwardly crying, your doing better. I cried all night, all morning, sometimes your body just goes numb. I think it has a way of knowing when you could actually die from a broken heart. So many memories explode inside my head. They are so painful, but so wonderful. I feel as if someone is choking me....its so hard to remember that this is forever. I just want one more moment....but that would not be enough either. It was to soon....we had so many plans. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest...like the pain is going to kill me. How can we hurt this much. Remembering that for a moment that I had it so wonderful is almost to hard. Knowing that I never took one moment for granted helps me sleep at night. (When I do) I can just keep typing and nothing of what I'm feeling really ever comes out. I feel like I can't even express the hurt. I want him back so much, all I do is cry. I watched home videos yesterday...to see him so healthy is so wonderful, but I ache to hold him so badly. The cries that come from me scare me sometime. They are so sad, it even surprises me. I pray for you all that you have peace, because this pain is so unbearable. This is what h*ll must be like.....
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myheart
Dec 17, 2005 0:00:22 GMT -5
Post by Teeny's Mom on Dec 17, 2005 0:00:22 GMT -5
Yes, myheart, I, too believe that this is h*ll. My heart is broken, and it hurts so much. Bittersweet are the memories and no one, who hasn't gone through this, even has a clue to the depths of the pain and anguish. Forever.... such a long time. You are so right to say that one more moment would not be enough. I sometimes wish if I had one more hour, what would I do? Then I decided that is not enough. I couldn't do it all knowing that one hour is all I had. I pray for peace for you, too. For all of us.
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myheart
Dec 17, 2005 1:10:32 GMT -5
Post by jaredsmommyforever on Dec 17, 2005 1:10:32 GMT -5
My Heart,
My heart is with you.
Jared's Mommy Forever
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myheart
Dec 17, 2005 11:24:52 GMT -5
Post by aloha~dj on Dec 17, 2005 11:24:52 GMT -5
Krista,
I just wanted to tell you I'm thinking of you today. Yes, this is h*ll, but it get's better I promise. The first couple of months I cried continously. I had to go on anti-depressants, which I wavered back and forth for several weeks. I was pg with a boy and all I could think about was wanting Abbie~girl back. I don't think you have ever shared your sweet little man's name!! When you're ready I would like to hear more about him.
I just added a small quote in my signature and I was thinking of you and all the new mom's here when I typed it. It truly gets better and I know it's the last thing you want to hear.
I hope today is gentle on you.
Your Friend in grief, Debbie
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myheart
Dec 18, 2005 2:02:34 GMT -5
Post by heidiforever on Dec 18, 2005 2:02:34 GMT -5
I have heard h*ll described to me as the abcense of God and I know it can indeed feel that way, though I wouldn't describe my experiences that way. In fact, the only thing I felt I had left was my faith, and it has continued to grow. I have come to remember some of the happiest times, and even those break me down at times. I have been where you are, my friend, and it sucks. You feel like it's never going to end, the h*ll that you are living. I know. And I am so sorry!
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