It's like dying yourself

[myheart]

I hate this. I hate that we are all here for the same reason. I hate that I lost him a week and four days ago. I hate that I can't hold him, kiss him, tell him I love him. He made me smile, laugh, just enjoy living. Why did he have to die. All I can think about is everything we won't ever do, or I won't ever do again. I want to SCREAM...I need to be with him. Watch him play with his toys, take him to the park. I can't live without him..how do you live. I can't eat, or sleep, or all I do is eat until I'm sick. I sleep in his bed, with all of his toys. I can't wash anything that touched him. I want to die just to be with him. I love him so much, why is this happening.....

[heidiforever]

Oh man, I wish I knew why all of this crap happened to all of us! I know it's hurting real bad right now. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but I can't. If you want to scream and cry and tell your story, please do! I have no idea how to survive. My faith is what's keeping me alive. When my son died, I thought the world was going to end. Then my daughter died also. My husband killed her and then killed himself. He also killed his other daugther. I was so disappointed in him for taking the easy way out. I felt like I wanted to kill him myself. If I ever lose a child again, I don't want to live either. It's too much. Too too much. ((((((((hugs)))))))))

[Teeny's Mom]

myheart,
You're right, it is like dying yourself. My daughter was 9 and when she died, just over a year ago, a huge part of me died too. I was just like you. I would lie in her bed, sleep with her teddy, and wonder why, a beautiful girl like her, who loved everyone, would leave so soon.
You are fortunate that you found SG so soon. It took me months before I found this board. Post whenever you want and get it all out. It hurts like *&%$ and no one here can tell you different. We are here for you and we can listen. I now have really bad, sad days, and I have days that are OK. It all takes time. Take your time. Allow yourself all of the emotions you are feeling. Keep talking to SG. I wish I make the pain go away.

[myheart]

Thank you both, it's nice to have people who understand what I'm going through....I wish none of us had to experiance this kind of pain. He was only 9 years old...cancer...it's so hard. I stare at the t.v just so I don't have to feel. My heart is so broken. I wish you both hope and peace....my faith is so shaken right now....right now this is all I have to get me through this, no one understands.....

[megeliza]

There is nothing that can make the pain go away - but I wanted to suggest that if music is at all meaningful to you - try to listen to some of the songs suggested under the 'music' post I made a week or so ago. You could also go to my son's website - www.littlemanricky.com - I have downloaded a few there.

God bless you - and I am so sorry that you are having to feel this pain right now. We all know it too well... but that doesn't make it any easier for you. Just know that you ARE going to make it through this... no matter how impossible that seems - one day at a time... and we will be here with you.

[elenasmom]

Hi there,
I wish I had something better to say to you to take the hurt away. Just know there are many people here are "surviving" this with you. We all have lost one of the most important things in our lives our children. I don't know your name, you didn't say. My name is Jen and if you would like to email me, my email address is available if you click on my screen name. I would love to talk with you and be a listening ear.
Hang in there,
Jen

[Corinne]

Myheart, I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. You are fortunate to have found us so soon here at SG. What is his name? Nine years old, such a precious age, leaving his baby years and entering into his pre-teen. I loved those years. Come back and tell us more when you are ready

[locito]

You're right, and I'm sorry for that. I feel your pain, and I ache so much for you. I am so sorry this is now your reality. I'd fix it if I could.

Love,
Alicia