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Post by megeliza on Nov 28, 2005 0:28:44 GMT -5
Hi everyone...
Ricky passed away one month ago on Thanksgiving day... and I was just wondering - how long before you were able to put things away? His beautiful nursery - all just like it was the day we left for the hospital that he never returned from. Part of me desperately wants to clear things out to remove the painful reminder... the rest of me can't bear to change one thing about it... Sometimes I wander in there at night and the pain is so great, I worry that I will never come out.
When do you feel ready to put it away and move on with the memories left only in your heart?
Meghan
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Post by heidiforever on Nov 28, 2005 6:39:10 GMT -5
With my son, I couldn't even go home for a month. I sent my then dh and mil into the house and they cleared everything out--well, put things away. With Madeline, even though I have moved three times since her murder, I still keep her things out. Not a lot, but I do keep things around. Her toothbrushes and cup stay in the bathroom and her baby doll moves around frequently. I still can't go through her things without hyperventilating-and it's been two years+. If there is someone who is more displaced-a friend who is a good supporter for you-you could ask them to put things away for you. My dad ended up being that person for me with Madeline. He was the only one I trusted to go through her things, and he could do it without breaking down. I wish you the best of luck-no, not luck-I will be praying for strength for you! It's OK to keep it around for as long as you need!
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Post by boogerbuttsmom on Nov 28, 2005 11:14:19 GMT -5
I too couldnt go home for about two weeks but I didnt want anybody else to go and clean her things out, I felt like I had to do it. I didnt clean everything untill just about a week ago and I cryed and cryed the whole time but finally about four hours later I had evrything stored in the garage. I cant get rid of it so I guess it will just sit there till I'm ready to maybe have another baby.
Mandy
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Post by elenasmom on Nov 28, 2005 11:44:50 GMT -5
Hi there,
So Sorry for the time you are going through right now. My story is a little different, I didn't have a nursery set up or anything major to clear out or get rid of and my Mom took care of all of that. However I was reminded of my Great Aunt. Her son who was only 11 years old died of Polio, this was back in the 1940s when many children lost their lives to that horrible disease. Anyway, she put all of his things, his toys, some clothes, pictures, etc. in a cedar chest that was at the foot of her bed until she died just a couple of years ago. I think having a safe place like that is nice. Maybe a trunk or chest of some kind to keep things that are close to your heart that remind you of Ricky - maybe you could pick those things out and ask a good friend to find a home for the rest if it is too much to bear.
Just a thought, I'll be thinking of you.
Jen R-
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Post by aloha~dj on Nov 28, 2005 12:12:56 GMT -5
Meghan,
There should be nooo time limit on when to put Ricky's things away. One month is such a short time. It took me 5 months before I was able to clean out Abbie's diaper bag. There was a bottle left in there with milk in it, it was not a pretty site! I still have her things stored away. I've had opportunities to give them to best friends, and family but I just can bear the thought. It's been three years for me. As you posted in your holiday post, You have the right to do whatever you want.
Your Friend in grief,
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Post by andrea on Nov 29, 2005 14:06:44 GMT -5
I don't know if I was ever ready. I left her room the same and kept the clothes she last wore in her crib. I would go up there often to look at her stuff, hold those clothes. About 8 months after she died (a few days after her 2nd birthday) I had to go. I couldn't stand being in that house another minute. My husband in Afghanistan and I was planning to move into my mom's house while he was gone and after her birthday I got so depressed so I started packing and moved here. I had to pack all of her stuff up, which was hard, and bring it over here. There isn't anywhere to really set her stuff up in, since my mom still lives here part time and has all her belongings here and now all ours too. So her stuff is all packed up in tupperwear boxes and some princess luggage I bought her for xmas last year. It's all downstairs except for the clothes she last wore and a few other things she loved. Those are in a small luggage bag in my room. I keep it there so I can look at her stuff whenever I need and not have to go down and look through all our boxes. I still haven't taken her crib down. IT's at our old house that is totally empty except her crib. I just can't take it down. I should probably have someone do it for me. :-(
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Post by wuvmyangel93 on Dec 3, 2005 22:19:35 GMT -5
When my son died a dear friend was pregnant at the time. I got so upset about 3 days after the funeral I had to have everything removed, even the crib I used for the daycare children.
His bassinet she also borrowed for a few months and the swing, and than they got packed away at my parents house where they are still.
I have a small box of his most precious items tucked away in my room.
It was tough this summer, my mom needed me to help clear out the storage area at their house and I almost started crying over seeing the bassinet and the swing. I did bring home his bassinet cover and gently packed it away here at home.
I would say if you have a door to shut and you can shut the door when you don't want to see your son's room leave it up as long as it comforts you
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Post by danielle on Dec 10, 2005 15:58:12 GMT -5
no one can tell you when you are ready but you. Its been 5 months since Christopher passed and I still have a hard time going into his room. It took me 5 months to clean the windows of his precious fingerprints. It is very hard to part with such precious things. I am not ready yet. I don't know when I will be, or if I will ever be. It is too soon for you. You do that when you are a little bit more emotionaly stable. You have all the time in the world. Take care of yourself, and give yourself time to greive.
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Post by anthonysmommy on Dec 10, 2005 18:53:02 GMT -5
My son never came home so he never touched any of the things in his room. He passed away at 3:27 am and we got home around 6am. My husband went to sleep but I could not. I immediately started putting the majority of his things in big plastic tubs. It was so definite, I knew he would never come home. My husband used his semi-decorated room during the summer as his office and the room was cleared completely by the end of the summer because we moved. I had saved almost all of the things from my first son's room for any future children so we just packed all of it up again to save for the next time. I hope and pray there will be a next time. I want another chance to be pregnant again. Sometimes I feel like I failed Anthony in some way, like it was my fault that he had a heart defect but no one knows why. It doesn't make sense. I just have to use our experience to help others to honor my son, my precious son.......  God Bless you all, Michelle |
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