problems :(

[danielle]

Me and my husband are having some problems. He blames himself for Christopher. He will not go and talk to someone about it. He is always so angry, and he takes it out on me. He is not verbally or physically abusive. He just vents on me. I love my husband, but I don't know how to help him. I am always here for him, but sometimes I get tired of being his venting post. He ends up lecturing me, as if I were a child on things that are minuscule. He complains 24/7, and I can't help but take it personally. The things he complains about is the things that I do. My driving, the house, the laundry, Its like if the house is not spotless, he just is not comfortable. This has just started, toys on the floor, or 2 days worth of laundry never bothered him before. He is so full of guilt, and anger, and sadness.... but so am I. I don't know if this is a normal thing we have to work through, or should I keep urging him to go to counseling? Does anyone have anything to share? What works for you?

[pamela]

Hi Danielle,

I know I don't have to tell that losing a child affects each of us differently. I am so sorry that your Dh is taking his grief out on you.

Of course your Dh is angry, he is the man of the family and supposed to take care of all of you. I am sure he is probably the angriest at himself and simply doesn't know how to express it. I definitely think that you need to keep stressing that he see a counselor but if he won't are there some other things he can do to get his anger out? maybe walk, exercise, ride a bike???

Have you sat down and told him how this is affecting you and how it makes you feel?

Your loss is still so new and I know right now you are still trying to make sense of it all. I hope I have helped you some. take care.

Pam

[iamd3w]

At least he is venting--too bad its you. My hubby is the opposite and doesn't talk about any of it and I'm the one blaming myself. You need to talk to him and tell him that it is hurting YOU when he does this. Maybe he doesn't realize it. Apparently I been yelling at my hubby and I don't notice until he lets me know then I take a time out and regroup myself. Maybe you could tell me more about yourself and Christopher--I cant find your story.
Dominique

[heidiforever]

You know, I remember the same thing. I am so sorry that it gets this way. The only thing to do is to sit him down or have someone approach him-someone he will actually listen to. Someone needs to get through to him and let him know it's OK to talk to someone. My dh was the same way. But it became abusive physically and I ended up leaving him. I pray that yours doesn't turn out the same way as mine did.