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Post by danielle on Nov 11, 2005 2:41:12 GMT -5
I can't sleep, the past couple of nights I keep having dreams of different scenarios, the what ifs are coming to life through my dreams. I wake up wanting my little boy. I also have flashback dreams. All I see is his eyes, and how they looked that day. I am scared to sleep. It is 1:40 a.m. I am tired, but soon as I close my eyes, I see me trying to resussitate him again and do CPR. I don't know what to do. I long to have a dream of him laughing or playing in the playground, or something like that. Why must I be tourchered over and over like this?
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Post by seansmommy on Nov 11, 2005 3:02:35 GMT -5
Ohhh sweetie I can so relate to you especially right now. For me personally the flashbacks and nightmares faded in time. I too remember closing my eyes and seeing my precious boy floating in the water lifeless and blue and can remember jumping in the pool and scooping Sean's body out. I have been told that I was screaming like a banche that day but I don't remember still almost 3 years later. Your loss is sooooo fresh now it is to be expected that the shock is starting to wear off and now the feeling is coming back to you that your life will go on eventhough your precious son's didn't. Oh the what if's are horrible game to play with your mind. They will drive you batty so please try not to do that too often. In time the flashbacks will go away and you playing the last days in your head will eventually slow down. Now I have to physically think about the accident and Sean to remember what happened. I still don't like pools and I don't think I will ever be comfortable in one again because of what happened. I know I will never have another in ground pool again. It has been almost 3 years since I lost Sean and I don't think I have had one good dream about him yet. I also haven't been able to grieve for him because of lots of circumstances so again I know what it means to have a tortured soul. Just keep coming back here and chatting. We would like to get to know Christopher, tell us any and all the stories you would like to tell and I promise we will never get sick of hearing them. Here you are safe to talk about loved ones and not be looked at weird because they are no longer here on earth. If you would like to email me directly SThomas9771@aol.com and I can chat more as well. Lots of hugs to you and welcome to this club that none of us wants to be members of.
Shelley married to Marvin Mommy to
Allison Olivia 9
Bridgette Victoria 7
Sean Patrick 4/10/01 to 4/12/03 (drowning accident) got his wings 4/27/03 Forever 2
Emily Elizabeth 2/10/04 21mos and cute as can be
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Post by Teeny's Mom on Nov 11, 2005 13:56:36 GMT -5
I am so sorry that you are having flashbacks. I have them too. I finally went to my dr and she gave me ambien. It gets me to sleep and I get at least 6 hours before I wake up and start the flashbacks again. They seem to be getting worse as I approach the 1 year anniversary. Some days are better than others. Have you tried writing down the events of the day? My therapist suggested that to me because she said that it helps get some of the dialogue out of your head. It did help me a little. Hang in there.
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Post by seansmommy on Nov 11, 2005 16:12:58 GMT -5
I agree with Cindee,
My therapyst suggested that everytime I had a flashback to write it down then that would help my mind deal with them. I forget to write them down though and now almost 3 years out I rarely have them anymore. Lots of hugs to you and take care.
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