Is it wrong to say I want a d-i-v-o-r-c-e?

[mandee]

There. I said it. I can't stand this. Yesterday afternoon, I got all ready for "baby making". I shaved my legs, put on a really cute matching bra and undie set (I only have one...so it only comes out on special occasions!), and tried my darndest. Things were progressing well, and then, he said it. He told me to get a condom. I sort of laid there in shock for a few minutes, and decided that I could care less if we had sex anymore so just finished what I started, put my clothes back on and went and sat on the couch. And cried, and cried, and cried.

I went back into the bedroom to get socks so I could take Martina to her follow-up appointment, and he asked what was wrong. I told him that people who were trying to have a baby didn't use condoms. He said before we got "gung ho" on having a baby we needed to talk more.

We went to dinner, and he appologized, and told me that he felt we needed to come up with some goals before we even TRY to have a baby. He wants a fence, and new windows, and he wants us to save "some" money first. I told him that I felt that he was playing with me, just telling me what he knew I wanted to hear to get me to shut up. Then I proceeded to get drunk on tequila.

So, I guess we are going to spend $9,000 on a new fence and new windows and get that loan paid off and then save money for maternity leave. Until he figures out that we have paid off the loan and have the money saved. We'll see what happens then.

[LauraBeth]

Mandee...

((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

In Him,
Laura

[andrewsmommy]

Men are such odd critters. Since I don't know you personally I can only say that men act wierd sometimes. Maybe he is scared to try again and not in touch enough with his emotions to say so. It just sounds like you need to communicate some more. I wouldn't give up yet. I had to get drunk and call my dh an @sshole one night to get our communication going and it still isn't perfect. (((HUG)))

[Alicia]

(((Mandee)))
Men can be so infuriating . I don't understand what causes them to run so hot and cold. Mine pulled that crap on me about our moving to be near my family and it still burns me up. There will always be a reason to wait on ttc again. I hope that the two of you can come to some kind of agreement soon.
Good luck,
Alicia

[lapin]

I am so sorry Honey.....big hugs. I just don't what to say but not fair to toy with you like that. Hoping you two can come to an agreement.

[mistygrl70]

Mandee I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I can almost relate. DH and I tried and tried.. 11 months later.. in the middle of a fight i said "what in he** is wrong with you lately?"

That's when he screamed at me "I DON"T WANT ANOTHER F*&^%%& KID".

doh!

Well, 3 months after that I turned up pregnant.

He's thrilled to death and has apologized over and over..


and they say men don't get pms!

I hope the two of you can work through this.

*hugz n God Bless,*

[Janis]

{{OH MANDY}}

I'm not sure how to reply to this other than I am sorry!

My DH made a comment in front of his Mom (he comes from a family of seven) once about being worried about having enough money to raise a child and her reply was "you never have "enough" money to raise a child you do the best you can and the rest will works it self out!"

I hope you work things out.

{{HUGS}}
Janis

[Lendy]

Oh Sweetie,

I'm so sorry. I know 'exactly' how you are feeling. Long story, but us trying has been more because of DH wanting to get things done first than me. It was HIS decision not to try right now. That is why I gave it to God...

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know how hard this has been for you.

Lendy

[HATCHAN]

Jeremy needs a swift kick in the butt! It's sounds like he's scared and just feels like everything has to be "perfect" for you to have a baby. The "perfect" time doesn't come though. I hope he'll get with the program soon.

[ellie]

You tell that man of yours there is always something needed in the house or the garden or something to pay off we never have enough money for a baby. Mandee I dont know what to say sweetie I dont just get out the sewing needle and prick each bl**dy condom!!!!!

Now for my sensible advice Jer is scared that much is obvious hun how to help him I dont know what to suggest I dont know just know though Im thinking of you darlin love you much Miss Ellie xxxxxxxxxxxx

[rusty]

Mandee,

I am lurking from MAM. I can so relate to your situation. Here's my story:

My dh gave me lines about the overpopulation of the world. Why should we bring another life into this world and deplete its resources further... Next, he wanted me to a lose a certain amount of weight. (that may sound controlling, but I really needed to lose that weight). Next he wanted us to have a certain amount of money saved up. It broke my heart.

We had discussions about ttc from time to time, but I couldn't bare to talk about it constantly. It was like banging my head against a brick wall. At one point I wrote him a letter trying to really let my feelings out and to explain why I wanted a child. I never gave him that letter, but just writing it helped me get my thoughts together.

I had passing thoughts that maybe he wasn't the right guy for me if he wouldn't ttc. I loved him but felt my dreams slipping through my fingers as time passed by.

I'm not sure what changed exactly. I know that a co-worker of his said something to him about not waiting too long to have children. We agreed that we would ttc after I went to the OBGYN for the first time in my life. I made an appointment and went and then the next month when it was time to TTC he asked for a condom. (Just like Jeremy). I swear he cried when we did it without protection.

I got pregnant the 2nd cycle we tried and his response was a sarcastic "Are you happy now?" I was happy and then soon after I had a m/c. I think then he finally started to get it.

For the next year and a half we ttc without any success. DH and I had fertility testing...finally did IUI and when I got my BFP he said nothing. I guess its better to say nothing than to say something hurtful.

He is a great dad! He's so proud and happy to have his son! Unfortunately dh thinks we're too old to have another. "Why mess with a good thing?", so the cycle begins again. I pray for an Oops. (maybe not yet, but soon)

Please know that you are not alone. Please know that it can turn out OK. I don't have any specific advice for you, but wanted to wish you well.

Best wishes,
Andrea

[chadsgirl1025]

Mandee,
I am so sorry to that you are upset!Men are hust such different creatures some times.You know i kinda felt like you have but flipped around.After 7.5 years trying I was like "I can't handle this pressure anymore i want a divorce"I told my dh that he is still young enough to find some other fertile murtel and have a child that he wants.I had the mantality if you love something enough you should let it free.Well i guess it was meant to be he is still here.BUT when i finally did get pg he was like oh ok wow thats cool and that was it!!!Then the money thing started and pay this and that off.Let your dh know that there is no perfect time but now!!!You never know what tomorrow will bring.!!Good Luck hun everything will work out you'll see!!


Lisa

[my3girls]

Hey hon. My DH is a Jeremy too . . . & he gets PMS too! I am trying to remember if ya'll were "unofficially" trying. Here's my 2 worthless cents if you want them -
Your husband has watched the woman he loves more than anything in the world loose 2 children in 2 years. You have just hit your EDD with little Ravioli & Ramen's 2nd EDD anniversary is coming up shortly. It was a few weeks after we lost Piglet that Jeremy looked at me one night & asked me what I thought she would look like. That was when it finally hit me that I wasn't the only one who had lost her & that he was having to deal with loosing his baby girl too. Your Jeremy has got to have felt so out of control & useless standing beside you & watching you hurt. Maybe he isn't ready to risk loosing again & he doesn't know how you will handle hearing that. Maybe coming up with goals for your household makes him feel more in control of the situation. We aren't the only one's who don't love being told to dance on schedules ~ the stress on them to perform has to be rough too. The bottom line is that you have to think about your marriage first & your husband first. He's been there with you through all of this ~ maybe he never realized how scary this was going to be. I don't think he has suddenly stopped wanting a baby, but he may have lost his nerve.

Every guy thinks about money . . . I think it's engrained somewhere at birth. Don't let this discourage you - just talk to him. You married him because you love him & you want a baby with him because you love him . . . Don't let this discourage you sweetie - he'll come around.

[liesl]

Oh ((((((((((((((MANDEE))))))))))))))),
I agree with sleepie, it was hard for Rob when I started talking about getting pg again. He was so scared. He's still scared, and I am too, but he's just weird about it...

ANYWAY, you always have the options we discussed on the phone the other day! If I were you I would be even more seriously considering them! I'll bring some needles we'll have a party:D Just kidding!

Love you though!
Liesl

[julesie]

(((Mandee)))
Men are indeed odd critters...they are far more confused than women are. I think its just a weird phase he went through...we all go through this sort of thing through our marriage but I can imagine how hard it must be for you since you have been mentally prepared to take on a real effort to make a baby. I'm sorry that you had to go through an evening of heartache, but I am certain that Jeremy does want a family...men sometimes feel they have to have everything perfect to have a baby. My dh for the past 2 weeks has been feeling down b/c we don't have a basement and live in a high ranch type home...I think its ridiculous that he is so concered with having a bigger home to put bigger toys and things. The baby doesn't care at this stage...later on is another issue. The point I am trying to make is that men feel they are financially unstable, no matter how stable they are...they feel inadequate and so this is why sometimes they are pulled back from something or feel down about something...give him a chance to come around...he will....
Good luck, hun
{{Hugs}}
Jules