Anyone else ready to give up?

[kellansmommy]

Hi all,
I guess I'm feeling really SAD today. Dh and I were cleaning out our spare bedroom. Trying to get it ready for Christmas company. In the closet is a brandnew, never been used breast pump. I bought it when I was pg with Kellan.
I made the comment to dh that I should just sell it cause I would never get to use it!
I just wish I was pg and was past the 12 week point! I may never get to experience that feeling again! I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself! I know I should be so happy with the two healthy girls I have been blessed with! But there is a GIANT hole in my heart that I'm so afraid will never be able to fill, even partially!
Thanks for listening!
Nikki.

[nikkimount]

I'm sorry Nikki. I know how you feel. I have to clean out my storage building b/c it's too expensive. All of Christian's stuff is in there. I just want to make it past the 12 wk point too. Being pregnant is the most wonderful feeling in the whole world. I hope you get to feeling better honey. I know it's hard.
-Nikki

[laurie]

Oh definitely. I'm tired of the roller coaster feelings. For me, I find it hard to stay positive...but only positive enough not to get slammed when (if) af comes. I just can't seem to find that middle ground. You are not alone. Thinking of you and hoping tomorrow is a much better day.

[Janis]

Nikki,

I am sorry! When you experience this kind of loss you have every right to feel sorry for yourself! Wishing you gentle days.

{{HUGS}}
Janis

[marsij]

I know how that goes. I recently went through my garage and found all the baby things I've been hanging on to "just in case". I really feel like testing Murphy's Law. If I get rid of all that baby stuff, then I will probably get pg.

[andrewsmommy]

I know you all are ready to give up, but I will not let you So there.

After Andrew was stillborn I so wanted to be pregnant again. I would look into the hugh closet full of crib, changing table, toys, clothes, etc and die a little each time. Then I got pregnant again. I was so excited too. To think I was actually going to get to use the stuff.

Then a m/c. Let me tell you I was devastated and wanted to just get rid of everything because I just knew it was never going to happen. I was never going to get to use any of the stuff. I was tired of TTC. Maybe something was wrong with me. So I charted and nothing. I was stressed beyond belief. I was ready to give up, sell everything and not have any children ever, when BAM, I got pregnant again.

What I am saying is, when you least think it will happen it will. I believe each and every one of you have a fighting chance. So as your drill instructor I forbid you to give up. I expect less talk and more more humppin!!! Get to work soldiers. Baby dust to you all (((HUGS)))

[my3girls]

It's not so much the fear that gets me - it the freakin HOPE. It's like a drug that I can't stop taking. Every time I would hit the 2ww I would stress & just know that I wasn't going to get the bfp that month. Then AF would rear her nasty head & I would spend 24 hours just knowing that it would never happen for us . . . & then I would start to think - next month will be our month. Next time is our turn . . . it was the freakin hope that was killing me. Now I am having to start all over again with a closet full of diapers, toys, clothes, & baby junk in general. All I wanted to do after Piglet was throw it all out, board up that room & never look at it again. My DH is the only reason we still have all of it. He was afraid that if we threw it all out I would never want to try again . . . & we spent way too much money on all of it! I am praying to God that it doesn't take us a year this time since we know what was wrong now. I don't think I have the energy left for all that hope & trying this time.

[Alicia]

There are many times I want to give up but I just can't. A friend passed along a little quote that describes it perfectly. My wanting a child so badly outweighs my fear of another loss. (I love ya Janis ) I hope you find the strength to keep going. If it wasn't for the support I get here I don't know if I could do it. Good luck to you!

[laurie]

Thank you for sharing, Mindie. I'm not going to give up, but I really just hate all of the crazy emotions that go along with this. I hate envying others and feeling sad. And sometimes I wonder if I just say, "hey, I give up!," if it won't happen then. I wish you a blissful peaceful nine months.