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MY TREE
Dec 3, 2005 21:09:15 GMT -5
Post by Teardrops on Dec 3, 2005 21:09:15 GMT -5
I just completely finished my christmas tree....the kids and dh loved doing it...It is so very beautiful....I do love the lights and everything...I left my fiberoptic angel in the closet....I wasn't ready for her to be on the tree yet funny thing is the kids didn't seem to notice so I was glad.....I used to love angels but have had a problem seeing them since I lost my little julian in april....Our tree topper is a large angel with open wings that constantly changes colors so I know I just wasn't ready to put her on the tree yet....I go to my bedroom to do some last minute things and I come back out and my dh had put the angel on the treeand as soon as I walked in the living room he turned off the lights and said honey look..I just stopped dead in my tracks it's like I lost my breathe all I could think was my julian is with an angel and I want him back.....I just burst into tears.....No matter how hard I try I'm wondering how am I gonna give my kids a normal holiday...I just feel so sad.....
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mrsj
Full Member
Posts: 389
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MY TREE
Dec 3, 2005 22:59:32 GMT -5
Post by mrsj on Dec 3, 2005 22:59:32 GMT -5
I'm sorry. Holidays can be such a mood killer for women in our situations. I actually tried to pm you earlier in the day when I saw your other post, but I don't think my pm is working today because nothing I send shows up in my outbox. We're actually doing something different this year by way of Christmas decoration. We used to always put up a tree and lights and things, but I've been feeling so depressed that once AGAIN I have no children and no baby on the way. Felt pointless. So we decided on a different Christmas decor that doesn't involve a tree, lights, angels, etc., but it's still beautiful. Maybe I'll tell you if I can ever pm again. I'm sorry this is a hard weekend for you. (((hugs)))
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MY TREE
Dec 3, 2005 23:11:53 GMT -5
Post by Teardrops on Dec 3, 2005 23:11:53 GMT -5
I would love for you to share that with me....I know this is so hard for all of us........I am thinking of you ((((hugs))))
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MY TREE
Dec 3, 2005 23:39:30 GMT -5
Post by kellee on Dec 3, 2005 23:39:30 GMT -5
Somehow thinking of Christmas helps me feel closer to my baby....maybe because it is all focused on the baby in the manger....the baby that became the savior, and is now holding my baby. I'll be praying for you. ~Kellee
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MY TREE
Dec 4, 2005 11:05:44 GMT -5
Post by Freedom on Dec 4, 2005 11:05:44 GMT -5
Ugh, I remember the first tree I helped decorated after my baby boy Gabriel. It was such a sad year. Last year was just as bad. This year....well, my friend is in the hospital w/ a placenta that is ripping away, water is broke and she is only 22 weeks. I just can not seem to get in the mood w/ all that is going on w/ my friend. I wouldn't even be able to enjoy myself right now to do it. I am just too scared for her right now. Just heartbreaking. I wish someone would just put it up for my kids. I am just the opposite though w/ the angels. I have been surrounding myself w/ them since my losses. I feel more comfort. A symbol of them being near. I know they are...and well, a visual seems to comfort me more. I hope that one day you will be able to be at peace w/ this.
Tonya
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MY TREE
Dec 4, 2005 18:57:58 GMT -5
Post by Mommy2amazingGrace on Dec 4, 2005 18:57:58 GMT -5
Well I still haven't put up a tree. I keep putting it off, hoping that no one will notice until it's after christmas. I can't stand the thought of all the angel decorations that I keep. It makes me sick to think of. I hope that you feel better. (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))
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MY TREE
Dec 4, 2005 19:52:04 GMT -5
Post by goosey731 on Dec 4, 2005 19:52:04 GMT -5
I've been kind of numb through everything. I usually love cutting down the tree and picking out the kids ornaments and decorating, but it has all seemed more like a chore than fun. This should have been Bayley's first Christmas and instead of holding him while the kids picked out their new ornaments, we were getting one in memory of him. Our angel isn't on the tree yet as I have to fix it and I keep putting it off. But somehow having Bayley's ornament on the tree is comforting, as are my kids telling me that Bayley is happy in Heaven. But I still feel so far away from Bayley and so far away from everything here. I am praying for you and I hope that this holiday will be very special for you in its own way.
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MY TREE
Dec 4, 2005 23:09:51 GMT -5
Post by jenn on Dec 4, 2005 23:09:51 GMT -5
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with the holidays! I know Christmas can be really hard.......... I hope you are feeling a bit better soon.
Jenn
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MY TREE
Dec 4, 2005 23:18:20 GMT -5
Post by miss2 on Dec 4, 2005 23:18:20 GMT -5
We put up our tree today Everything made me sad and angry Last week I was almost 11 weeks and looking forward to the holidays thinking of how much I had to be thankful for this thanksgiving (still am thankful for all I have) then found out the baby had died and now when we do "our traditions" I think of how happy I would have been and how sad I am. I feel like you, I want to give my kids all the joy they deserve this holiday. But do not know how. unfortunately it is just not the same and as much as I want it to be it is not.
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