|
broken
Nov 25, 2005 1:38:51 GMT -5
Post by peanutmomma on Nov 25, 2005 1:38:51 GMT -5
There just seems to be no hope...I had m/c at 16 weeks, first baby, heart stopped beating, induced, still had to have d & c...at my bday first week of aug..took time off work, took a trip, write in journal, see therapist, meds... I am doing it all...and I have some supportive people, and dh is...but they just dont get it...and there are some that just dont want to be around me, it seems mostly cause my being sad (and sick, have been ill for awhile) makes them feel uncomfortable...how do they think i feel? I am broken and can't fix myself...trying, but I feel so empty...and it's like to most they want to act like this didnt happen, he never even exsisted...I saw him, I held him, he was real. the holidays suck...i did the rounds and tried to be normal, somehow an aunt started going on about umbillical cords and wombs and babies...what is she thinking? my heart feels like shattered glass. And I have had some good days, and not everyone acts like i am crazy, i have just pulled away and dont want to deal...seeing a girl at work that had same DD is heartbreaking, i didnt tell anyone at work until july, then first of aug...i just feel so marred, so isolated, so alone...i know i am angry now too...its been 16 weeks now, the same amount of time he lived inside of me. i thought the guilt might go away too, but i will always have it i suppose. christmas is going to be unimaginable, i was so looking forward to it, and dd was Jan 15 or 20th...how will i ever get thru this? (i am glad this site is back up I couldnt find much help out there...)
|
|
|
broken
Nov 25, 2005 12:11:05 GMT -5
Post by teacher4 on Nov 25, 2005 12:11:05 GMT -5
I am very sorry for the loss of your baby.
I know what you have gone through...I have delivered three babies just a bit older than your baby was and had to have D&C's for the placenta afterwards.
You need to realize that what happened is not your fault. Things happen...you loved your baby and did all that you could. The guilt will subside over time...I found it also helped once I learned the reasons for my babies deaths.
You will get through the holidays...though it may be difficult. While you will always love and miss your baby and wonder what he should look like, be doing, etc., the pain will subside.
Hugs Dominique
|
|
|
broken
Nov 25, 2005 12:56:06 GMT -5
Post by Teardrops on Nov 25, 2005 12:56:06 GMT -5
God this is so hard sweetie ((((hugs)))) I know what you mean when you say you've tried it all me too....meds and I am still in therapy...keeping a journal.....one thing that did help was making a keepsake box for him. When I miss him I have something to touch or sleep with. I have a beautiful blanket someone made for him....I used to call him my little julian bear and I have the softest little teddy that I sleep with alot. It's like that box is so precious to me..... it's a winnie the pooh box and I have a necklace in there and a porcelain angel. I have quite a few things I know but he was my precious baby and at one point I couldn't stop buying little things for his box....it made me feel better, and it still does. He was and is so real to you sweetie especially since you held him...I lost my baby at 10weeks so I was so looking forward to feeling him kick in the next 4 or 5 weeks and then he was gone.......I guess all we can do is hang in there and be there for each other
|
|
|
broken
Nov 25, 2005 13:21:48 GMT -5
Post by peanutmomma on Nov 25, 2005 13:21:48 GMT -5
thanks so much for replying...I just feel so alone, even with the support i do have. Those that have never been there just can't get it. I had looked for chat rooms and support groups shortly after but there doesnt seem to be much out there, I think it's sad we are left on our own. it's nice to know this place is here and I am not alone...I do have a box too, I go thru it often, I guess I was lucky in some respects because I did get some mementos from the hospital and the box. I had a service for him...I call him Angel, cause the day I came home from the hospital in a drugged state I wrote a poem and called him my Angel baby...the service was the day before my 32nd bday, we buried him the day after...I just wish there was something to take the pain away, for all of us. noone should have to go thru this, and it feels like there is no end. again thank you for responding. I am trying to learn how to use this site, I dont know how to add my baby info onto the bottom and how to connect to someone logged in, can someone give me that info as well? thank you so much, for just being out there.
|
|
|
broken
Nov 25, 2005 18:08:34 GMT -5
Post by mommyof3angels on Nov 25, 2005 18:08:34 GMT -5
Sorry about your loss. {{{HUGS}}
|
|
|
broken
Nov 25, 2005 20:06:27 GMT -5
Post by nancym on Nov 25, 2005 20:06:27 GMT -5
Peanutmomma, I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope you do find some peace in the days ahead. hugs.
|
|