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Post by michelleh on Nov 24, 2005 20:29:38 GMT -5
I just really need to talk to someone that has had an experience similar to mine. I have 2 healthy boys at home, age 2 & 4. I tried 5 months to get pregnant this time and finally did in august. I was due May 19, 2006. I have been to several appointments and heard the heartbeat at 10w4d. I just miscarried on Nov 20th at 14w1d and found out the the baby had passed about 3 weeks prior. I am having such a hard time with closure. I really want to know if the baby I gave birth to was a boy or girl. I wish I could have seen it. I also want to know what they would have done with it. I saw it on the ultrasound the night prior with no movement and no heartbeat which was really hard. Anyone have a similar situation?
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Post by peanutmomma on Nov 25, 2005 2:25:16 GMT -5
I am sorry for your loss...my situation wasnt similiar to yours and I don't have any living children, so the only thing I had the same was the ultrasound with no movement or heartbeat...I wasnt sure even when they were showing me until she said, as you can see there is not heartbeat, I am sorry. I was just there for a routine appointment and in that heartbeat my world changed forever. Can your dr not tell you if boy or girl?? I am sorry I cant give you more info, this is my first day to the board...I have just felt so alone and wanted you to know that even though they are different cases, you are not alone. I feel your pain.
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Post by michelleh on Nov 25, 2005 12:51:56 GMT -5
He didn't tell me. I don't know if he even bothered looking. I have thought about calling the hospital and seeing if there is something in my records but, I'm not sure if I should. My husband says that he doesn't want to know what sex the baby was. How far along were you?
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Post by peanutmomma on Nov 25, 2005 13:36:57 GMT -5
I was 16 weeks...I had the overwhelming urge after it was all over to see my medical records, I was asked by a friend why and I wasnt sure, I have since read that it's something we go thru called "searching", for answers, for anything really. You can go to the hospital and see your records, it might be hard, but it might make you feel better, and maybe the sex was listed. I am sorry they didnt tell you. I know me and my husband have been on different pages about different things, he has been very supportive and he is heartbroken too, it;s just we are two different people and grieve differently, and no one knows how it feels besides you...the momma to that baby...so if you need to know and he doesnt, that is ok. I needed a memorial service and my husband didnt, we did it, and I am glad we did. Although you will go thru this together, you need to do what you need to do for you to feel better, or at least get answers if they are avaialbe.
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Post by heavyheart on Nov 25, 2005 18:25:57 GMT -5
I could have written your post in reverse. I have two healthy girls at home 1.5 and 3. I was due in May 2006. I went for a Down's syndrome market sonogram on 11/7/2005 and found the baby did not have a heartbeat 12w3d (I measured for the same day so they think it happened that morning). I was scheduled for a D&C the next day and the baby was tested for chromosonal (sp?) abnornmalities. Two weeks later the doctor told us the "chromonsonal make up" of the fetus (talk about using words). My doc would not have known the sex unless they had done a chromosonal check.
On Monday we found out the baby was a boy and I have been so upset since. First I have always wanted a healthy child and my dh and I always just thought we would have "only girls" - it was a gut feeling. Knowing it was a boy changed that. I cannot help and wonder why I had to lose my little boy - it may have been my only boy.
I have to go to my inlaws for thanksgiving tomorrow and I am so upset. There are all girls with the exception of one boy as nieces and nephew and they always talk about how there son "will continue the family name." To know I was having a son will sting when I hear those words. I am not emotional ready for this day at all.
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Post by my3girls on Nov 25, 2005 19:19:18 GMT -5
I jost got through Thanksgiving - watching my husbands family watch me for signs that I was about to fall apart.
I remember posting on here & asking anyone who could answer what would happen to Piglet after the testing was done. I was 12 weeks & we had an u/s to check on the baby b/c I had been soooo sick for 2 weeks. When we were told there was no heartbeat we chose to have a d&c the next morning. My Dr was the one who decided on all the tests on the baby & I am really happy that she made that decision for me. We were able to find out that Piglet had a problem in her chromosomes & they were able to tell us that she was a girl. The funny thing about that phone call, when they told me the results - I just kept thinking that it was too soon, I wasn't supposed to know that she was a girl until a few weeks after that point. I just kept thinking that I wasn't supposed to know yet.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you ~ I know how important the answers are to you right now. Please understand that there is a chance that they won't find an answer for this loss, & even if they do - it won't make it that much easier because you still have to deal with the loss
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Post by momof3 on Nov 26, 2005 1:27:29 GMT -5
Your story is so very similar to mine. I have a five year old and a three year old. I was 10 wks when I went for my second ultrasound. The baby had stopped growing at 8 wks. I was really bothered by not being allowed to bury my baby, not really knowing what they would do with it. I also wasn't told my baby's gender . They said they couldn't tell. Everyone (even my doctor) seem to think that because I have other children that this should be no big deal for me. Its been two months since my D&C and I still feel so sad. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here.
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Post by michelleh on Nov 27, 2005 17:21:37 GMT -5
Thanks so much to all of you for writing. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone. To the last poster, did you see the baby or not. See I am having all of those same feelings of confusion, regret, and kinda betrayal. I feel like I don't know anything. I think doctors need to start catering to each women's needs and maybe asking them some questions like maybe "would you like to know the sex?" or at least "is there anything that you would like to ask me about the baby?" I wish that maybe he would've at least said "the baby was approximately__ inches long, weighed about __ ounces, everything appeared normal, something just didn't work out the way it should have...is there anything else you would like to know that maybe I can answer?" I've decided that I am going to call the doctor. If he does know the sex of the baby I am just going to see if he can write it down for me and maybe when I am done having children, or whenever I decided to, I could read it if I want. I can see what the pp was saying about having 2 girls and finding out that the baby she lost was a boy so I'm not positive I would ever read it if it were available. There is certain information that I would like to know though. I am hoping that maybe they can give me a copy of one of the ultrasound pictures that they took the night before all of this happened because I do not have any. Well, I'm going on too long so I will sign off for now...thanks again to all of you!
Michelle
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