IT'S SO HARD

[Teardrops]

I can't get over thinking how I should have a newborn right now instead of an angel baby. I miss him so much and I don't want to even do thanksgiving but I have too I just don't know anymore...I'm wondering how am I going to hold myself together tomorrow....I have been so emotional lately and I cannot control the tears, I just start crying. I am usually a christmas fanatic....all my shopping is done by october and my whole house is decorated. I haven't shopped at all yet and I'm terrified that I won't have any joy this holiday. I'm thinking when I put up the tree after tommorow how will I feel......I have a beautiful angel that sparkles and lights up and I don't even want to see it ...I think I'll break down crying (how much sense does that make) I just want to feel something like I used too....I feel like I lost julian and I lost a part of me that I can't get back...Happy thanksgiving everyone I just needed to get this out and say how I'm feeling ...I'm so thankful for this website

[Mommy2amazingGrace]

Oh Teardrops. I wish that I could hug you. I am so sorry for your pain. I am dreading Thanksgiving so much. My sister and her newborn are going to be here, so I will be so miserable. I am thinking of hiding in my bedroom. I wish that there were some kind of magic we could all do to get through the holidays. I know that if i knew any type of magic, we'd all be pregnant again and we'd all have the babies we so longed to hold. But I can't. But I can offer you my long distance love. I will be praying for you to make it through tomorrow.

[lindac]

(((((((((((((TEARDROPS))))))))))

I am dropping in from the Teen/Adult board. I am so sorry you are having such a rough time right now. Losing a child no matter at what stage is like losing a part of yourself, hopes and dreams never realized. Right now the very thought of celebrating has to be the farthest thing from your mind. It is so hard to understand why we have lost a child and we grapple with all of the emotions. allow yourself the luxury of your tears today. When we cry, when we write how we feel, we are getting our emotions out, we are dealing with the grief. As hard as it is to believe, over time it does get a bit easier. We learn how to deal with the many triggers that hit, we learn that we do have others who understand.

For my first Christmas without my son I couldn't bear to put up a tree yet knew I needed to for my granddaughter's sake. when I realized that for me it was the decorations and the memories I went to my dh and told him I would like to buy new ornaments and have a different tree. Ours is a hodge podge of ornaments, all with special memories. it is like visiting old friends at Christmas. We went out and bough on sale, glass balls in blue and silver, got pretty beaded garlands and i bought a pretty gold lacy metal angel along with a gorgeous dragonfly to add to the tree. It was beautiful and brought some peace.

Decorate as you feel able to. If you don't, well there is next year. You need to do what is comfortable for you and whatever will get you through. We don't get "over it" but we do learn to get "through it".

Wishing you a gentle day.

[mommyof3angels]

I am so sorry you are having a hard time right now. I know how you are feeling.{{{HUGS}}}