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Post by tdandlasmith on Nov 16, 2005 11:21:44 GMT -5
After a weekend of worry because my levels were not rising properly, I found out on November 14 that my baby did not have a heartbeat. I just went through the D&C yesterday. As I write this I am having a very difficult time. I would have been eight weeks today. Do any of your have any suggestions on how to ease the pain that is in my heart, and the pain that everyone tells me that I will forget in time.
Thank you for listening.
Lea Anne
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Post by christal on Nov 16, 2005 11:36:38 GMT -5
I'm truely sorry for your loss and I feel pain w/ you. My heart hurts for you as I remember like yesterday when I found out my baby had no heartbeat at 13wks (5 mo. ago).
The pain may lessen w/ time, but for me, it will always be there - we just learn how to cope with it better.
For me the week that I lost my baby is a big blurry nightmare.
It was my 1st pregnancy and loss. I know that God has a plan for me, and that he never gives us more than we can handle, although, sometimes I still find myself wondering if I am going to make it through this.
My best comfort was just being in my husband arms.
I truley am sorry. These women on this board are great, and I'm sure you will get very good advice.
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Post by blessedmom2four on Nov 16, 2005 16:11:07 GMT -5
I am sos orry that you have gone through this pain. The good news is so has everyone else here and that means we all know how to support you in the way you need. As to what can ease your pain, only time. But I felt it was very helpful to come here and post whenever I felt near the edge. This place is literaly a life line for those hurting and who have become desperate in there pain. I am sure your pain is so fresh and new, and you have underwent surgery on top of that. Try to not be alone dureing this time. Find a DH or BF to lean on and share how you feel. Holding it in will only hurt more. thinking of you Liz
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Post by celestiana on Nov 16, 2005 21:48:45 GMT -5
Lea Anne, I am so sorry for your loss. I know you're having a very difficult time... I had my D&C two months ago, and it's still difficult... and in many respects, will always be difficult... but trust me when I say that it gets better with time. One day at a time... I've had to see a therapist since my D&C (it's my 2nd miscarriage of the year) because I was having difficulty coping, and his advice to me was to allow yourself time to grieve. He said that I needed to balance things out -- busy myself during the day and not be alone, but allow myself alone time to grieve and think at night. Take care Lea Anne... if you need any of us, we're all here.
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Post by butterflygirlpa on Nov 17, 2005 9:53:05 GMT -5
Lea Anne, I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. But please take comfort in that you have found a great group of ladies here that can share in your grief with you, as we have all been there. Your pain is still very new. Try to be kind to yourself. Cry if you need to cry, scream if you need to scream....all of these feelings are absolutely normal. You need to work through your feelings and your grief before you can move on. If people are telling you that you will forget, my opinion is that they are wrong. Yes, your pain will lessen with time, but what you have gone through has become a part of who you are now, and you will not forget about what happened or about the baby that you lost. Today is my six-month anniversary of my loss...and I still think about it at least once a day. I keep thinking about how I should be preparing for the arrival of that baby in a few weeks. SG really helped me to deal with my pain....as did writing a letter to my baby...even though my baby would never actually receive this letter. But I put it in an envelope along with the ultrasound picture I had and some cards of congratulations that I had received. Doing this really helped me to move forward....but I must tell you, it was at least a month or more before I could do this. You will probably be going through the motions of life right now and not really living life....I promise that in time, you will get back to some normalcy and your good days will outnumber the bad. You just have to take it one step at a time. Sorry that this turned out to be so long....I just wanted to share some of the "wisdom" that I have gained from being a member here for the last six months.
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Post by tdandlasmith on Nov 17, 2005 10:12:47 GMT -5
Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I have just went back to work today after the D&C on Tuesday. I know that I need to keep myself busy, but I find I want to just crawl in a hole and hide.
I have a 3 year old son and I feel that I need to stay positive for him. We told him that the baby was sick and had to go live with Jesus. He was so sweet he said that if we prayed really, really hard that Jesus would send us another one. That only made me cry harder.
I just feel alone in this. I know that I am not. I alse know that it was not my fault, that I can get pregnant again and next time it will probably be carried to term, but I am scared to get pregnant again because I don't want to go through this again. At least I can say that God has given me peace in my heart. My heart aches like no pain before, but I do have peace.
Just keep praying for me ladies, as I will for you.
Again, thank you.
Lea Anne
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Post by sadmomof3and1angel on Nov 17, 2005 11:56:35 GMT -5
Lea Anne
I m/c at almost 8 weeks too. This was back on March 18th. My EDD is coming up and to this day I cry every day. It is very hard. They say time heals all wounds. Im still waiting for the day. but I will tell you that you found a great place for comfort and support. The girls here are just beautiful people. Im very sorry for your loss
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Post by my3girls on Nov 17, 2005 13:43:33 GMT -5
I am so sorry about your loss. Today is my 10th week after my D&C for a 12 week pg.
I didn't go back to work for a week after the m/c & my first day was only a 1/2 day b/c I just couldn't handle it. For you to go back to work so quickly is amazing in itself & I have to ask if you have given yourself enough down time to start to process this loss? I think it was about 4 or 5 days after the surgery when it finally all hit me & I kep my DH up all night & asked him not to go back to work the next day b/c I wasn't ready to be alone yet.
The next few weeks will be a rollercoaster of highs & lows for you emotionally. There will come a day when you don't cry every hour on the hour & when you realize that you didn't cry at all one day - that will make you cry. Let yourself break down when you need to, let yourself breathe & sleep when you need to - let yourself heal. Don't expect to be wonderwoman for the next few weeks ~ I promise this will get better & it will get to be a less piercing pain. You will never forget this pain - I still look at mine & can't believe I made it through this far.
My DH made a box of Piglet's things after the D&C. It's got all the congratulations cards, the sonograms pics & video, the first bib we bought her, my bands from the hospital for surgery, the journal I had been writing in during the preg & all the condolence cards we got. He did it to get all the stuff out of my line of site thinking that would help me ~ it ended up being a place that I can go & see her life with us whenever I want to. About 2 weeks later it became really important for me to go through it & remember her. Since then, just knowing that it's there makes me feel better.
It will get easier ~ & we are all here when you want to talk or vent.
I'm so sorry that this happened. You're in our prayers sweetie
Brie
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Post by Teardrops on Nov 18, 2005 22:35:24 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss....I know there are no words that will make this easier. I have a teddy bear for my little one his name was julian aidan and i call the teddy my little julian bear ....I have a keepsake box for him (winnie the pooh) and I also have a necklace that has footprints and a wonderful lady that was on this site made him a little baby blanket and sent it to me....it's so beautiful it is a baby blue with a white silk ribbon triming. I also have a baby angel....and a few other things. I lost him at 10 weeks and I'm still having a hard time so I collect as much as I can. He was so very real to me and when I miss him so much and can't stop crying I look through the box and touch his things...kinda makes me feel like he really knows mommy misses him and it feels like I'm touching a peice of him....I hope this helps.....big hugs
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nikkimount
Full Member
In this world ye will have trouble. (John 16:33)
Posts: 298
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Post by nikkimount on Nov 19, 2005 11:52:36 GMT -5
I'm soo sorry sweetie. I think that was the hardest thing to hear in my entire life. I will NEVER forget that moment. And Lord knows I would love too. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
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Post by Mommy2amazingGrace on Nov 19, 2005 22:47:43 GMT -5
I am so sorry and my prayers are with you. I remember all to well how that feels. The only advice that I recieved that gave me some kind of comfort, was this: Cry when you need to, as often as that is. It is never wrong to cry and it is a therapy that is free and only costs you time. We are here when you need us.
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Post by colliersn on Nov 20, 2005 18:23:18 GMT -5
Le Anne, I"m so sorry for what you're going through right now. I wish there was something I could do. The only thing I can say is to try to be nice to yourself. I"m here if you need to talk.
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Post by lostone on Nov 22, 2005 17:51:45 GMT -5
Hi im sorry for ur loss i know it's really hard to deal with i just had my m/c in the last of Oct i found out my baby didn't have a heartbeat at 10 weeks but they said i lost my baby at 6 weeks i was suppose to go through the d&c but i got scared and decided to do it on my own it was very hard and im still having a hard time but i know we will all get through it and we will all be ok the one thing i can tell u is when u need to cry and scream and yell and talk dont hold it in just explode because the more you hold it in the more your gonna hurt and be angry and im telling you this because i have nobody to talk to my family isn't an open family my b/f dont really understand and now that i found this site im doing my best to let out what i can cause it's all built up inside me and i need to let it out but i know your gonna be ok if you let urself be ok just think positive never negitive but im here when u wanna explode n yell n scream n cry n talk just come n find me and i'll listen whenever u need me k? my prayers will aways be with u:D
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Post by dragonslittleangel on Nov 24, 2005 23:10:38 GMT -5
You can never ease the pain in your heart, And you will never forget. Even if you get pregnant again in the future when you sit down at the dinner table with your family it will always feel like someone is missing.. And you know they are missing you too. Its been 5 months for me and its hard. I have break-downs every now an then. And my friend just had a baby and im going to be seeing it. I dont think im going to be able to handle it though. She showed me a pic an i cried. You just have to remember things happen for a reason. You will have a health baby sooner or later. Just dont stress out. You'll be in my prayers.
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Post by peanutmomma on Nov 25, 2005 2:14:45 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss...I know words can never take away your pain. mine was in Aug, and I was so not prepared for all the emotions I went thru. Just remember not to let anyone else tell you how you should feel, when you should feel it, etc...you are the mom, you are the only one who feels the way you do about your baby. I feel like, he lived in me, he died in me, he came thru me, that entitles me to feel however I want when I want. excuse the rant, i just am tired of people thinking they know...unless you have been where we are, they don't know...one thing that brought me comfort in the first month was a book from amazon.com - since no bookstores had any books on shelf about it!!! miscarriage, women sharing stories. I felt less alone and more sane to know the crazy thoughts i was having were written right there in front of me, i wasnt the only one having them, i still refer to it often. i wish you hope and peace...i wish us all hope and peace...
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