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Post by momof3 on Nov 14, 2005 9:59:14 GMT -5
With the holidays aproaching I find myself getting more and more depressed. Lately I've been feeling so angry. I've always attended church, but I have no desire to go. It's been a little over two months since my D&C. Is this normal?
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becca
Full Member
Posts: 471
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Post by becca on Nov 14, 2005 11:43:53 GMT -5
Oh yes, this is very normal. Our first loss was in November 2000. That year, I did not attend church ... until my dh basically forced me to attend Christmas Eve service. I was a mess and everyone knew it. But, no one approached me to offer comfort. I guess I would have messed up their neat and tidy holiday service. To this day, I wish I would not have gone.
But, the first time back to church had to be sometime. So why not that night? After that, I attended church sporatically through the following summer. It was a good year before I could really enjoy a worship service in any way. I didn't take communion with the congregation for another year after that. (I did take communion in my home a few times with the pastor and my dh.)
Do what is right for you. Do not attend church until YOU are ready. But, I would encourage you to seek pastoral counseling or at least discuss with your pastor your feelings and needs. Perhaps your pastor may know of some specific people in your church who would be of particular to support to you at this time.
You will likely find family gatherings difficult as well. Find your own way to celebrate the holidays. The only way I got through Christmas evening that year was to be by myself, reading and praying. I believe I specifically studied Mary's Song (sometimes called the Magnificant) and then the Easter story ... from Mary's eyes. Identifying with Mary's loss of her son helped me to begin to put my own loss into perspective. Find your own way to celebrate or even just "get through" the holidays ... anything that is healthy and safe, even if it isn't exactly what your friends and family "expect" you to do.
I'll be praying for you. Hugs,
Becca
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Post by blessedmom2four on Nov 14, 2005 11:55:51 GMT -5
I dont post to much h ere anymore but I just really wanted to take a second to say how sorry I am you are hurting this badly. I can only tell you that I lost my little one over 4 months ago and there are still days where I feel like I can barely move I'm so sad. But the good news is, the days were I feel goo are getting to be more then the bad days and thats a good sign. Your pain is still so new and so fresh, dont push yourself. As a pastors wife, I was expected back at church pretty much immediatly after it happened and there was no where in the world where I wanted to be less! I had some real anger issues with God for not saveing my son and sometimes still struggle with that. I would encourage you to go back to church only when you are ready. The people in your church will hopefuly be supportive and understanding of your pain. ( i know that doesnt always happen). So take your time and dont feel guilty for not wanting to be at church. thinking of you, Liz
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Post by Teardrops on Nov 14, 2005 15:44:40 GMT -5
HI I am so very sorry for your loss. Sometimes I just wish something could make all of us better and help take the pain away. I miss my little one so very much I thought I was getting better I had about 3 months where I was handling things ok and now I'm just devestated again. It is still so new for you hun only 2 months has passed please be gentle with yourself and allow yourself time to feel everything. The best advice I ever got through all of this was to allow myself to feel....to scream to cry to let the pain boil over so it could get out of me somehow. I know it's especially hard since the holidays are coming.I haven't even posted in months to be honest and now that the holidays are here I had to come back for support since I feel like it's almost like loosing him all over again....the pain is that raw. Sometimes going to church is hard and take the time you need go back when your ready whether it's tomorrow or a year from now. I know you have your own relationship with god and you can stay close to him through prayer...he knows your hurting right now sweetie.....we all forget sometimes how fragile it is to be human....you will be in my prayers(((((hugs)))))
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nikkimount
Full Member
In this world ye will have trouble. (John 16:33)
Posts: 298
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Post by nikkimount on Nov 14, 2005 17:21:37 GMT -5
I'm sorry. I know the holidays are going to be hard. I think most of us here are dreading them. *Hugs* You are in my prayers.
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Post by sadmomof3and1angel on Nov 14, 2005 19:38:19 GMT -5
Ill be honest with you I am absolutely dreading the holidays and just want to say to h*ll with them. But I have 3 other kids so I cant. Its hard but together we have to get through them
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becca
Full Member
Posts: 471
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Post by becca on Nov 15, 2005 12:31:00 GMT -5
I wanted to add another suggestion about church. I have never done this, but have heard others try it with some success.
Try attending church somewhere else, where no one knows you. Go to a large church where you can get lost in the crowd, so to speak. Arrive right on time so as not to be noticed as late, and not to be noticed as particularly early with time for people to try to chat with you. Leave during the closing hymn. You might even call ahead and speak to the pastor of that church of your plans and why you need to do this. I am sure he/she would be more than happy to help keep you annonymous until you feel more comfortable mingling, if ever. I have had friends do this and say that it was extremely helpful to get the worship experience without having to endure the social part.
Becca
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Post by momof3 on Nov 15, 2005 13:06:08 GMT -5
Thank you all so much for your support. Sometimes I feel like ya'll are the only people in my life who understand.
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