Post by nikkimount on Nov 10, 2005 18:20:38 GMT -5
I had a breakthrough in therapy today and I wanted to share it with you ladies. The day that I had the ultrasound that told me my baby's heart had quit beating I chose to have a second opinion. During that long u/s my husband was outside crying against the hospital wall. Not inside with me. To him it's unacceptable to cry in front of people. That's how he was raised. I understand that. But I really needed him there.
From tons of people since then all I have heard is "You can have another." "At least you know you can get pregnant." "It wasn't meant to be." "Get over it" and so on and so forth.
My husband deals with things by shutting everyone out. Again I understand and I respect that. So, either he never wants to talk about the m/c or it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other.
The other night one of my neighbor/friends came over. We were going through my hope chest to find pictures of my senior year. Well, she came across my baby book, + hpt's, and pill bottles of the misoprostol that I had to take to "expell the baby." She asked me about it. Seeing how it felt so good to finally be sincerely asked about it I explained it all to her. Starting with the day and moment I actually concieved to the day I got my bfp to the u/s's, to the pills, to the d&C. By the time I finished she was bawling. She's never been pg and she doesn't want to be anytime soon. Even though I love her to death, would not want her to be sad, and hated to see her cry... At the same time IT FELT SO GOOD! Somebody cared! And not only did she care but she had never felt that kind of pain. Hasn't even been through very many traumatic situations. Even though she didn't feel the same kind of pain I felt, she still felt pain for my loss. During this whole conversation with her I never once cried, I showed no emotion. When she cried I smiled. I smiled and hugged that girl as hard as I could. I haven't felt that good about it ever until then. And it's all because somebody cared and they showed me they did.
Sometimes even though they mean well "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it. Telling me I will be okay and that they are there for me doesn't cut it. Calling to check on me sometimes will just not cut it. Actions speak louder than words and even though those tears cannot fill the hole in my heart, they made me realize that it's ok to feel the way I do. It's ok to hurt. Not everyone understands. Not everyone cares. But somewhere, someone does. And it makes me feel like I'm not so alone anymore.
So for all of you ladies here. I pray so hard for you that you ALL have someone that will show you that this is not just a thought to them but that it's a reality to them because it's a reality to us.
From tons of people since then all I have heard is "You can have another." "At least you know you can get pregnant." "It wasn't meant to be." "Get over it" and so on and so forth.
My husband deals with things by shutting everyone out. Again I understand and I respect that. So, either he never wants to talk about the m/c or it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other.
The other night one of my neighbor/friends came over. We were going through my hope chest to find pictures of my senior year. Well, she came across my baby book, + hpt's, and pill bottles of the misoprostol that I had to take to "expell the baby." She asked me about it. Seeing how it felt so good to finally be sincerely asked about it I explained it all to her. Starting with the day and moment I actually concieved to the day I got my bfp to the u/s's, to the pills, to the d&C. By the time I finished she was bawling. She's never been pg and she doesn't want to be anytime soon. Even though I love her to death, would not want her to be sad, and hated to see her cry... At the same time IT FELT SO GOOD! Somebody cared! And not only did she care but she had never felt that kind of pain. Hasn't even been through very many traumatic situations. Even though she didn't feel the same kind of pain I felt, she still felt pain for my loss. During this whole conversation with her I never once cried, I showed no emotion. When she cried I smiled. I smiled and hugged that girl as hard as I could. I haven't felt that good about it ever until then. And it's all because somebody cared and they showed me they did.
Sometimes even though they mean well "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it. Telling me I will be okay and that they are there for me doesn't cut it. Calling to check on me sometimes will just not cut it. Actions speak louder than words and even though those tears cannot fill the hole in my heart, they made me realize that it's ok to feel the way I do. It's ok to hurt. Not everyone understands. Not everyone cares. But somewhere, someone does. And it makes me feel like I'm not so alone anymore.
So for all of you ladies here. I pray so hard for you that you ALL have someone that will show you that this is not just a thought to them but that it's a reality to them because it's a reality to us.
