Post by raven on Nov 3, 2005 15:18:07 GMT -5
Hi everyone. My name is Rebecca. I lost our son Flynn in April, he was born still at 20 weeks and 6 day's on the 23rd, i love and miss him dearly.
We got pregnant again not long after he was born. Too quickly really, with Twin's, they were a real surprise though we were happy none the less. Sadly i started bleeding at seven weeks, and my husband took me and our other son Ethan to the hospital. Fortunately i wasn't in any pain which was a good sign. They took my HCG level's and done some other test's and all came back good, so i was sent home later that night, and was told to come back for a scan the next morning.
We went back early, and had the scan. It showed that there was two sack's which was a real suprise as we had had two early scans at five and six week's, just to check my date's as i hadn't had a period since Flynn was born. So it was a real surprise! One Twin was doing well, but sadly the other wasn't, so i was told to go back for anouther scan in two week's to check how thing's were going. We weren't really told if the other twin had died or not, the doctor doing the scan didn't really look at it much, he just concentrated on the other one, which tell's me it must have already been gone. Still we spent the best part of those two week's wondering if we were having Twin's or not. I started bleeding again a few day's before we were to have the next scan. I rang the hospital and they told us to come in. Had more tests etc and just waited around really i was so scared, it was the same hospital i had Flynn in and it was so hard being back their again with more problem's, i just wanted to get out.
I had anouther scan that night, which confirmed the first Twin was gone, but the second was doing really well. It measured eight week's and we even got to hear it's heart beat which was amazing!! I didn't know you could pick them up that early. Any way we went home again that night, happy that at least we had one left but sad for the other that couldn't stay.
Thing's went well for about a week, and we had anouther routine scan, this was our booked in one, the other's were emergency scan's. We saw our little baby, it was amazing it measured 10 week's and was doing well so the doctor said. It was moving and kicking away which was great. The empty sack of the other still remained. We left feeling happy, i felt everthing would be fine now.
Only a few hour's after that scan, i started having cramping pain's. I rang the doctor as they were getting quite bad, only i wasn't bleeding so i wasn't worried too much. I couldn't speak to him as he was with a patient but the receptionist said he would call me straight back. As soon as i got off the phone, i passed what i thought what remained of the first Twin. I still wasn't bleeding really, just a few spot's. Still it was a shock, even though i hadn't really got to see the first one or anything, i felt very sad and overwhelmed. The doctor rang back and i told him what had happened and he said to go to the hospital, so i rang up my husband who was at work and he took us. I was getting really sick of being there but i was somewhat relieved that maybe thing's would go on normally. I was bleeding alittle and was alittle uncomfortable as well, i went to the bathroom there and i passed some more, turn's out now that that was our second Twin, the one we had just seen only hour's before. Although at the time i didn't realise it is just thought it was still the first one. It did look differn't not that i looked much, and i was suprised at how much there was.
I had anouther scan later that night, i felt really nervous as the man doing it was the same one who scanned me when i was in hospital with Flynn and he told us he had died. My friend also told me, no one like's him as he is known as 'Doctor Death' of all thing's!! Anyway, the scan showed the worst, both had now gone. He told us it is quite common when the body is trying to miscarry one that has died, it will also miscarry the other one, even if it's perfectly fine. Of course we were devastated. I couldn't believe it had happened again, we went home in shock really. I didn't cry much, i was numb and really tired, those last few week's were very nerve wracking to say the least. My DH felt as i did, that it was like some cruel joke, to let us see our little baby alive and well at the scan, to feel a sense of relief to know that it was ok, and that thing's were going well, and then to lose it so suddenly, only hour's later. I really felt we were cursed or being punished for something.
Anyway we buried our Twin's and planted a Peace Lily in their memory. The hospital gave them back to us which was good.
I miss all my babies so very much, i think of them everyday and i love them dearly.
We are currently ttc again, and of course im hoping for the best this time around, though im very scared and nervous at the same time. I just want it to have a happy ending next time, if we are lucky enougth to have a next time that is!
Still all this has made me so grateful to at least have our dear boy Ethan, he keep's us going, so even if we have no more, at least we have him, we are lucky.
Sorry this is so long, i have never told my Twin's story before in any great detail. It has alway's been about Flynn mainly, this time i want it to be for them.
We only had them for such a brief time, but they gave us so much, they made the sun shine more brightly if just for a short while.
Sweet dream's little one's, mummy love's you.
Rebecca
We got pregnant again not long after he was born. Too quickly really, with Twin's, they were a real surprise though we were happy none the less. Sadly i started bleeding at seven weeks, and my husband took me and our other son Ethan to the hospital. Fortunately i wasn't in any pain which was a good sign. They took my HCG level's and done some other test's and all came back good, so i was sent home later that night, and was told to come back for a scan the next morning.
We went back early, and had the scan. It showed that there was two sack's which was a real suprise as we had had two early scans at five and six week's, just to check my date's as i hadn't had a period since Flynn was born. So it was a real surprise! One Twin was doing well, but sadly the other wasn't, so i was told to go back for anouther scan in two week's to check how thing's were going. We weren't really told if the other twin had died or not, the doctor doing the scan didn't really look at it much, he just concentrated on the other one, which tell's me it must have already been gone. Still we spent the best part of those two week's wondering if we were having Twin's or not. I started bleeding again a few day's before we were to have the next scan. I rang the hospital and they told us to come in. Had more tests etc and just waited around really i was so scared, it was the same hospital i had Flynn in and it was so hard being back their again with more problem's, i just wanted to get out.
I had anouther scan that night, which confirmed the first Twin was gone, but the second was doing really well. It measured eight week's and we even got to hear it's heart beat which was amazing!! I didn't know you could pick them up that early. Any way we went home again that night, happy that at least we had one left but sad for the other that couldn't stay.
Thing's went well for about a week, and we had anouther routine scan, this was our booked in one, the other's were emergency scan's. We saw our little baby, it was amazing it measured 10 week's and was doing well so the doctor said. It was moving and kicking away which was great. The empty sack of the other still remained. We left feeling happy, i felt everthing would be fine now.
Only a few hour's after that scan, i started having cramping pain's. I rang the doctor as they were getting quite bad, only i wasn't bleeding so i wasn't worried too much. I couldn't speak to him as he was with a patient but the receptionist said he would call me straight back. As soon as i got off the phone, i passed what i thought what remained of the first Twin. I still wasn't bleeding really, just a few spot's. Still it was a shock, even though i hadn't really got to see the first one or anything, i felt very sad and overwhelmed. The doctor rang back and i told him what had happened and he said to go to the hospital, so i rang up my husband who was at work and he took us. I was getting really sick of being there but i was somewhat relieved that maybe thing's would go on normally. I was bleeding alittle and was alittle uncomfortable as well, i went to the bathroom there and i passed some more, turn's out now that that was our second Twin, the one we had just seen only hour's before. Although at the time i didn't realise it is just thought it was still the first one. It did look differn't not that i looked much, and i was suprised at how much there was.
I had anouther scan later that night, i felt really nervous as the man doing it was the same one who scanned me when i was in hospital with Flynn and he told us he had died. My friend also told me, no one like's him as he is known as 'Doctor Death' of all thing's!! Anyway, the scan showed the worst, both had now gone. He told us it is quite common when the body is trying to miscarry one that has died, it will also miscarry the other one, even if it's perfectly fine. Of course we were devastated. I couldn't believe it had happened again, we went home in shock really. I didn't cry much, i was numb and really tired, those last few week's were very nerve wracking to say the least. My DH felt as i did, that it was like some cruel joke, to let us see our little baby alive and well at the scan, to feel a sense of relief to know that it was ok, and that thing's were going well, and then to lose it so suddenly, only hour's later. I really felt we were cursed or being punished for something.
Anyway we buried our Twin's and planted a Peace Lily in their memory. The hospital gave them back to us which was good.
I miss all my babies so very much, i think of them everyday and i love them dearly.
We are currently ttc again, and of course im hoping for the best this time around, though im very scared and nervous at the same time. I just want it to have a happy ending next time, if we are lucky enougth to have a next time that is!
Still all this has made me so grateful to at least have our dear boy Ethan, he keep's us going, so even if we have no more, at least we have him, we are lucky.
Sorry this is so long, i have never told my Twin's story before in any great detail. It has alway's been about Flynn mainly, this time i want it to be for them.
We only had them for such a brief time, but they gave us so much, they made the sun shine more brightly if just for a short while.
Sweet dream's little one's, mummy love's you.
Rebecca
as I read your story my heart just broke for you and wished I would just reach out and give you a big hug. Survivng the loss of Flynn to only be greeted with this sadness is just imagineable, I am just so sorry. No one should ever have to expereince that kind of pain. May you find the same love and support so many of us have here at SG. You will not be on this journey alone.
